Is Being an Introvert Just a Big Excuse for Not Wanting to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone?

Introvert's Guide to Extroverted Success

"Is it really something that people can learn?"

I have been asked this question many times, and it keeps coming up in almost every meeting I have with potential coaching clients. Typically, this question revolves around skills that are often thought to come naturally only to so-called extroverts — whether it is being a great salesperson, excelling at networking, being charismatic in one-on-one meetings, or delivering impactful and entertaining presentations that people will remember.

In the fiercely competitive world of legal services, these skills are often considered a necessity. Having coached many executives and top-tier lawyers, I’ve observed that a lot of them think of themselves as introverts and therefore feel at a disadvantage in these situations. They often ask whether they are doomed forever or if there is still a chance for them to grow. One thing that also comforts them is that they have read somewhere that we should focus on strengths rather than weaknesses, and therefore, they were for many years okay with not being as great as they would like in these categories of skills.

However, it’s crucial to understand that being an introvert or extrovert isn't a fixed trait. These labels often result from our environment, upbringing, and experiences. Let’s explore how you can harness your inner extrovert and transform your approach to these crucial skills.

First and foremost, it’s important to debunk the myth that we are born as either introverts or extroverts. These traits are not set in stone; rather, they develop over time based on our environments, family influences, and social interactions. Many people hold limiting beliefs, telling themselves, "I’m an introvert, so I’ll never be great at sales or networking." However, the reality is much more flexible.

Consider this: many self-identified introverts become quite extroverted in familiar settings, such as among long-time friends or family. This shift demonstrates that the capacity for extroverted behavior already exists within them. It's the fear and unfamiliarity that often hold them back in new social situations. By recognizing this, you can begin to tap into your extroverted side, even in less familiar contexts.

A senior associate from a well-known law firm once told me about her struggles with networking. Despite her impressive resume and vast legal knowledge, she found herself overwhelmed in social settings. After couple of months of coaching she learned to adapt her behavior to suit different situations, gradually incorporating extroverted behaviors that allowed her to shine in her own way.

In her own words:

"Coaching provided the safe environment I needed — one where I don't have to be afraid to make errors and can receive judgment-free feedback focused on how to improve next time."

To begin transforming your approach, start with manageable goals. For example, at your next networking event, aim to initiate a conversation with one new person. Here are some pointers to make starting a conversation feel natural and engaging:

• Ask About the Venue: "What do you think of this event/location?"
• Comment on the Occasion: "Have you attended this conference before? What do you think of the keynote speaker?"

These questions are designed to be open-ended, inviting more than just a yes or no response, and they show genuine interest in the other person's experience and insights.

Now, let’s discuss a partner at a international law firm who dreaded public speaking. Despite his status and accomplishments, he found the prospect of presenting to larger groups terrifying. During our coaching sessions, we focused on several key areas to help him overcome this fear.

First, we worked on preparation. We practiced his presentations repeatedly, refining his delivery each time. This repetition helped build his confidence and familiarity with the new way of presenting it. Next, we addressed his physical presence—posture, gestures, and eye contact. By adopting a more open and confident stance, he began to project confidence, even if he didn’t feel it initially.

We also tackled his mindset. I encouraged him to reframe his thoughts about public speaking, viewing it as an opportunity to share his expertise rather than a performance to be judged.

Gradually, he began to see progress. His first breakthrough came during a firm-wide meeting where he delivered the presentation. The positive feedback he received further boosted his confidence.

The same principles apply to other extroverted skills such as sales and one-on-one meetings. Practice, preparation, and a positive mindset are crucial.

Being an introvert doesn’t preclude you from excelling in these areas. By practicing extroverted behaviors, embracing discomfort as a growth opportunity, and leveraging your experiences, you can transform your approach to networking, public speaking, sales, and more. Remember, effective communication and relationship-building are about adaptability and continuous improvement.

Roman Zakovsky is a executive coach and trainer whose clients include A&O Shearman , Baker McKenzie , BBH, advokátní kancelá? , PRK Partners, attorneys at law , HAVEL & PARTNERS , SOTIO Biotech or Deloitte . He is an expert on client communication, relationship building and business development.