Being Integrous with Yourself

In today’s Rapid Fire Wednesday I invited my good friend George Bryant to come speak. For a long time, we saw each other on social media but as soon as we took the time to get to know each other, we became friends very quickly. He is someone who the second we were together we were both able to see each other, create a safe space for each other, connect and grow. We believe deeply in the power of connections and relationships. We also hold each other accountable. Welcome George, please tell us about yourself.

George: I’m a happy, loving father, husband and loving member of my own family with myself. I’m also feeling confident, clear, and grounded today.?

Brian: I believe that’s because of the way that you very intentionally create standards and discipline in your world.

George: It’s interesting, I’m going to answer this in a long winded way. A woman asked me “When you look at yourself, what's one area where you can improve?” My brain went to– I don't want to answer this integrously but I'm going to. One of the things I noticed is that on paper, you work so hard, and people don't see the three hours I’m binging on youtube where I pretend to work. I had this really deep hike about holding myself accountable to my potential. There were tears and yelling. It led me down this question. I started to think about my whole life. Even though I've done a lot of healing work there are still these pockets where I still feel like I’m not good enough. I grew up in a lot of chaos, there was drug abuse. There was this massive yoyo. So I joined the marine corps. It gave me this illusion of safety and I’m bad or wrong if I don't do it. This identity gave me an illusion of safety, that discipline was the only answer. It came at the sacrifice of all emotional states. I was the male version of Elsa from Frozen but with weapons. There was a trail of bodies behind me. I was hiding in rigidity. I was robbing myself of life, of living, of breathing, of presence. It would never loosen up. I had all the versions of these extremes. I lived on paper of what created massive success. Then I went the other way to almost surfer vibes. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it was that I was trying to convince myself that I didn't. I was trying to control the entire environment around me rather than control how I show up in that environment. The only thing I have is how I show up, my inputs. There are some days where I talk for 12 hours and then need space. There are other days where I only have 90 minutes of work and then I can fill my bucket. Now I'm allowed to be a human, but it came from experiencing both sides of it. I’m very reflective of the seasons I come in and out of. One of the reasons I'm good at it now is that I've changed my measurement window. I have to be willing to live in the moment. I’m willing to adjust the container, the habits. And I hold myself to what I call the minimum standard. When I have the capacity, I can go above and beyond that. I leave space for myself to grow. Maybe this week I can't record a course but over the next month I can. When I change the window I get it done in three days. No matter what in the marine corps they would change the plans. We knew we would bend and adjust and live in that container. Having an integrous relationship with my humanity. Some days I don’t have the capacity to help and other days I can give more to the people around me.?

Brian: I love what you said about all you have is your ability to show up. There are three important things…that we show up, how we show up, and where we show up. Where we show up might be the most important but if we handle the other two, the where handles itself. In the virtual world, we both set a standard of how we show up. You spoke about an illusion of safety that you created for yourself. So many people live in an illusion of safety, they just don't become conscious of it. When we protect ourselves, it is an illusion of safety. It prevents us from connecting at levels with ourselves that allows us to have integrous relationships with ourselves. The illusion of safety keeps us from going deeper with ourselves. The rigidity is also something that can push people away. Externally people receive you like a super human and they don't always get outside of your words that you do actually disconnect. What i'm curious about is what are the signals, the mechanisms, the triggers you put in place to recognize when you need to transition from rigidity to flow? This is something many struggle with.

George: We have to show up and then be there. I realize in that illusion that the shell of me was there but I wasn't. I didn't have the self love and confidence in me that if something outside of my control happened that I would be able to react in the way that I wanted. I have to be proactive in habits and rituals and understand there are days I need five minutes and other days I need an hour but I keep the schedule. Then I have the space that's needed. When I’m really grounded and present I have pockets of my day that force me to be present on that day. I can distinguish what is anxiety that's normal and what is consuming me and my behaviors. In my own SOS bucket I have my inner tools. These are things I can do in under a minute. Go out in the sun, scream, do a pullup, do breathwork. Immediate actionable items. Breath is number one, letting the sun hit my face is number two, journaling is a big one. In the military we defaulted to our plan and our training– not what we can think through. This is something I use today. I make this plan of my inner tools. 8/10 times those work. If something is off and my tools don't work, I go to my inner circle. It’s my top 9 people on my phone. I use my inner circle, call my wife, text a friend. I share what I'm going through. It puts me on track and makes me present. Then my attorneys, my doctor. When I get a trademark lawsuit out of nowhere, I call an attorney and in a few seconds it’s solved. For me, I can look in my environment and see how I feel in response and know how I'm showing up today. Today I have this call with you and I have acupuncture. Today I had a low level of anxiety. I realized I was making up that I wasn't doing a good enough job because I was wasting time. I listened to my heartbeat while breathing. I was willing to explore the feeling. I said, “Hey check engine light, let me plug in and diagnose what this is.” I thought I had to work 12 hours today. No, today is self care day. I'm not scared of the feeling anymore. I was able to diagnose it. Oh, I'm anxious because my calendar is empty. I feel like we live in this world where attention is the number one commodity. It keeps us out of a relationship with ourselves. My wife came home the other day and I was staring at the ceiling just happy and she asked if I was ok. I prioritize stillness and time with myself every single day. I can tell how much happiness I have just from how much time I have with myself every day. This helps me plug in to my own vehicle and vessel. For me, it's knowing that I waited for my external world to be a mirror and then I reacted. I was a firefighter to everyone else being the fire alarm. I need to be able to check my own fires. Before I get on a call, before I get on email. This has mitigated 98 percent of the fires that show up. My wife told me the other day that I was extremely disconnected and I noticed that the same morning so instead of reacting I said you're right. It wasn't something I did wrong. It was, “Great, thanks for laying out the stepping stones for being successful.”

Brian: Your last comment made me think about our friend Alex Charfen’s quote, “If you're constantly putting out fires in your business there’s a good chance you're the arsonist.” It's so powerful. I think the hustle culture is interesting. Even when you build time for yourself, it still feels as if you're not moving forward. In moments of extreme focus we can move mountains or worlds in minutes or days. People are like how do you do that. I’ve learned that words of affirmation are a trigger for me. It creates this external image of what we can sustain and what we are capable of. I learned personally that I can’t be in that state. I took off Friday and Saturday to go on a wellness retreat with my wife, then Tuesday was my birthday which I took off to be with her, and this week my son starts school on friday. Yesterday hit, I crushed the morning. I shamed myself for going to spend time with my family. It feels like if I'm awake and I have the ability, I can and I should be working. What is possible for me is only possible through my ability to unwind and disconnect. I realized that intellectually I am 100 percent in wanting to be with my boy but I still shamed myself for it. Even that is an illusion for safety. I used to think that stress equaled growth. You get entrepreneurs to connect deeply with themselves and it permeates through their worlds. What are the most common illusions of safety that entrepreneurs create for themselves?

George: I think the easiest way to summarize this is that entrepreneurs' self worth is derived from the results they create in the world. Then they try to “to-do list” the result without going to the source of what creates the result. They create the result. You can’t “to-do list” a result. We give up stability because we have an itch to jump into uncertainty but when it doesn't go as we want we say I don't want this anymore. The customer journeys, the results, our teams, the way people respond is just a direct reflection of how we show up when we create it. If you are posting on social media and you aren't getting a result, it doesn't mean your gift is wrong, just reinvent the wrapping paper. You and I both have children. If i'm speaking to my five year old son and he doesn't understand, I don't give up. I change the wrapping paper. Because entrepreneurship is a world of uncertainty and we willingly play in it we have to be aware. We tend to run with this manipulative agenda where we start to make decisions based on how the outside world is going to react which is an illusion of safety. We have 100 percent control of what happens before we hit post. Not after. The number in your bank account doesn't mean anything about you. It just means you have information to stay consistent and congruent until something works. I love watching marathon documentaries because they don't derive their worth from whether they win or not, they look at their performance and ask how I can be better. They measure themselves against their input. I know there are so many holes in my game and I can systematically choose what holes I want to address each day. People think they have to be on 82 social media channels. Says who! Where is that coming from? At the end of the day, business is simple. You create a solution to a problem, find the people, introduce the solution, they get results, and you get money. Nowhere does it say that you have to overwork. Just be aware if your actions create the results you want. How can you change the play to make it get the right results? People try to control their customers. They are agendized and manipulative. It makes the customers run further away. Let the customers lead themselves to a possibility. My job is to create a container that invites people to take their journey on their own accord. If you live in a world where 100 percent of people are guaranteed to do what I say, that is a delusional world.?

Brian: A lot of entrepreneurs gaslight their customers. You help shine light to help people establish connections with their customers. You run incredible events for entrepreneurs that are not just strategies and tactics. I would love for you to tell them about that and your podcast.

George: The single biggest mistake I see is people thinking there's an external tool that can fix only what they have the ability to control. If you take nothing more away from this than remembering that you are the most valuable, important tool you have, all your answers will come from that place. Believe that. I do my events in the way I do because strategies and tactics don't work if the people using them don't believe they will work. You can't copy and paste the tactics onto them. The nucleus which is you is what makes it all possible. The most important tool is yourself. Once you start from that point out, everything you touch turns to gold. It makes it magnetic and creates massive endowment for anyone who comes into your world. You leave feeling like a superhero, aligned and congruent, so that you have the confidence to see everything through till you see the result you want. Success is continuing to chase the goal and reinventing yourself as many times as you need to make it happen. My event is called The Lighthouse Business Accelerator. It’s so powerful when Brian is there and talks about his gifts. We have to see who we surround ourselves with– we will absorb and hold ourselves to the same. There are human beings on the other side of every decision. When they feel safe, the world is the limit for you. My instagram is on the screen @itsgeorgebryant If you write a direct message to me, I will send you a video. Also I have The Mind of George Show on every podcast platform. Only check it out if you're not going to allow it to be shelf help. It's only applicable if you implement it.?

Brian: Thank you so much George. And to everyone else, be great and be you!