on being Human, today

It takes courage, it takes a lot of courage to take off your shoulders the comfortable blankets of learned beliefs. It takes inquisitiveness to challenge those beliefs and convictions, to see where they are coming from, how they served you and whether they are still valid. To drop them if they no longer are and move on. To create new beliefs, to build up towards new values and recreate your self through that process. To understand YOUR needs for a fulfilling life and to try to meet them, without social referencing, shame or guilt.

It takes insight to recognise your triggers as indicators of unresolved issues. And it takes more courage to go there and face them. It takes grit to work towards resolving them, to separate the experience from the belief and to integrate the experience in our story.

It takes self awareness and mindfulness to recognise emotions as they happen as a result of your internal dialogue and your personality. To take a step back to soothe ourselves and respond rather than react automatically.

It takes a lot of empathy to recognise the other’s emotions as a result of their own internal dialogue and to just attune and listen with compassion. 

It takes a lot of compassion to understand behaviours that hurt us without blaming, shaming or withdrawing. To just feel the other person, and allow them to feel us as we are, raw and imperfect. To put boundaries up, respectful but clear to avoid unnecessary pain. To respect the other person’s boundaries without feeling rejected. To frame boundaries as something coming from deep within our value system rather than tools of inflicting blame. 

It takes vulnerability to show our selves as we are, with our strengths, passions, wounds, experiences, personalities. It takes self awareness to express our needs and wants from a relationship, rather than expecting them to be fulfilled by default. And it takes mindsight to understand the other’s needs and wants without judgement. 

It takes a lot of courage to sit face to face naked and true and to assess whether you are able or comfortable to fulfil those needs, whether some can be fulfilled elsewhere or to just admit you are not ready to meet them where they are, from where you are. 

It takes a lot to really live happily if it does not come naturally. If natural paths of getting there have been blocked or haven’t been taught. If hurt have been passed along through generations, through social proximity context and the expectations of the entire world. If the internalised definitions of being fulfilled have nothing to do with your possible way of actually getting fulfilment. 

It takes TIME, work and determination to muster all those virtues and put them to work towards bettering yourself.  

In our current society, full of deadlines, hundreds of emails, meetings after meetings, social media statuses, relationship disputes, binge worthy media, domestic chores, parenting demands, online shopping and online dating with so many options, billions of pieces of information at your fingertip shouting to be uncovered, time does not come in abundance. Every moment of the day, we are fulfilling the status requirements of the tribes we chose or accepted by conviction or by context. Nevertheless, fulfilling them so that we feel we belong to something bigger than us. Putting on ourselves the pressure of the standards of those tribes, regardless of whether they serve us or not, for fear of feeling rejected, inadequate, imperfect. 

So when can we do all this work, this journey back to ourselves? 

We need to have a break, to have a moment where we pause all the pressures, and all external distractions from the path. To give us a chance to dig dip and challenge the status quo. To enquire: how can I be a better version of myself? How can I be in a fulfilling relationship? How do I raise children in this world? what else is there? Where do I fit in? What can I bring to this world? What can I do to finally be happy?

And for this to happen easier, it is best we separate ourselves from the hamster wheel, to do some soul searching and give ourselves the tools for growth. And commit to using them, with or without help. 

Because the one main goal of everyone’s life that keeps being prevalent, transgressing all contextual barriers, is the desire to be HAPPY.