Being Human in Debt Advice: Crying, Empathy, and Professional Boundaries

Nurse, S. (2024, October). Being Human in Debt Advice: Crying, Empathy, and Professional Boundaries. LinkedIn. https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/being-human-debt-advice-crying-empathy-professional-boundaries-nurse-unnnf

Introduction

When writing this article, I recalled one of the most traumatic clients I had helped a couple of years ago. I could not fight back the tears - I felt traumatised just listening and my floodgates opened. A Mum, a little bit younger than me, her 15 year old daughter had been deliberately set alight in the street by some teenage girl bullies. The daughter was disfigured and housebound for life, in constant pain and trauma, this Mum had to watch her only child suffer every day and care for her for life. I'm a Mum, I have a daughter, and this really affected me, the painful and tear fuelled explanation really got to me. I felt wrong and bad for crying, but the Mum told me she was grateful to speak to someone "human" who understood her pain. Let's think about that statement "human" - we are human, but we also have to be "professional", so let's deep dive into the topic.

Debt advisers often work at the intersection of financial strain and personal trauma, navigating conversations that go far beyond numbers. Clients may share deeply distressing stories that explain how they came to be in debt, whether due to illness, unemployment, relationship breakdowns, or even serious harm and abuse. In these moments, it is natural for advisers to feel the emotional weight of what they are hearing, and sometimes, that emotion may manifest in tears. While it is important to maintain professional boundaries, showing genuine human empathy, even through emotional expression, can be a positive element in a client-adviser relationship. However, the fine balance between empathetic support and maintaining professional boundaries is crucial, and failure to maintain that balance can have negative repercussions for both the adviser and the client.

The Role of Empathy in Debt Advice

Empathy is recognised as a key factor in building trust and rapport between professionals and clients in advisory roles. In the context of debt advice, this trust is essential. According to Elliott et al. (2011), empathy involves not only understanding but also feeling with another person, which can create a deep connection that fosters openness. When clients feel understood, they are more likely to share critical details about their financial situations, which can aid advisers in offering more tailored solutions.

However, empathy also carries an emotional burden, especially when clients recount traumatic experiences. A debt adviser may find themselves tearing up in response to hearing about a client’s hardships. This can be a natural and authentic reaction, reflecting the adviser’s humanity, but it must be handled carefully. In line with Rogers’ (1951) Person-Centred Approach, emotional congruence where advisers are genuine in their responses, can help clients feel validated. Nonetheless, emotional congruence must be coupled with self-awareness to ensure that the session remains client-focused.

Emotional Expression: When Crying is Okay

The literature on emotional expression in counselling and advisory roles suggests that while emotional displays like crying can strengthen relationships, they need to be carefully regulated. Research by Henretty and Levitt (2010) found that self-disclosure by professionals, including emotional disclosure, can enhance the advisory process when used judiciously. Clients often respond well when they sense that their adviser is not only listening but also emotionally invested in their well-being.

In a debt advice setting, clients may already feel vulnerable due to their financial difficulties, so a moment of shared emotion, such as the adviser tearing up, can reinforce the message that their adviser genuinely cares. Marmarosh et al. (2009) highlight that clients who perceive their adviser as emotionally present are more likely to develop a trusting relationship, which can lead to better outcomes. However, Henretty and Levitt (2010) also caution that such emotional expressions should remain controlled and purposeful; excessive crying or emotional responses may shift the focus away from the client’s needs and onto the adviser’s emotions.

Professional Boundaries and Emotional Regulation

While it is human to feel moved by a client’s story, good practice dictates that professionals must maintain certain boundaries. Emotional regulation is an essential skill for debt advisers, ensuring they can empathise without becoming overwhelmed by the client’s situation. Williams and Fauth (2005) discuss the importance of maintaining professional boundaries while demonstrating empathy, noting that advisers must be cautious not to blur the lines between being an empathetic listener and becoming emotionally enmeshed with the client’s experience.

Research on emotional intelligence supports this notion, highlighting that professionals with higher emotional intelligence are better able to recognise and manage both their own emotions and the emotions of others (Goleman, 1995; Mayer et al., 2016). By cultivating emotional intelligence, debt advisers can better regulate their responses to emotionally charged situations, maintaining empathy without becoming emotionally overwhelmed.

If an adviser’s emotional response becomes too pronounced, it can lead to role confusion. Clients may feel they need to comfort the adviser, which undermines the purpose of the session. Moreover, Knox et al. (2013) warn that such emotional over-involvement could inadvertently cause clients to withhold further information out of concern for their adviser’s emotional well-being, potentially compromising the efficacy of the debt advice process.

Additionally, Marmarosh et al. (2009) argue that overstepping professional boundaries by displaying unchecked emotion can result in a loss of objectivity. Advisers must be able to maintain a clear focus on finding solutions to the client’s financial problems, and excessive emotional involvement can impair decision-making and problem-solving abilities.

Good Practice Boundaries in Debt Advice

To maintain professional integrity, debt advisers must establish and adhere to good practice boundaries. Emotional regulation, as suggested by Hill et al. (2001), is a critical skill that helps advisers remain centred, even when faced with traumatic stories. Being aware of one's emotional triggers and preparing strategies for managing them can prevent the adviser from becoming too emotionally involved.

Mindfulness practices have been shown to enhance emotional regulation, helping professionals stay grounded in difficult situations. Research by Kabat-Zinn (2003) found that mindfulness helps individuals stay present in the moment and manage stress, which can be particularly useful for professionals who are regularly exposed to emotionally intense narratives. By incorporating mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing or momentary reflection, debt advisers can remain composed and focused on their clients’ needs.

Practical measures such as supervision and peer support can also play an important role in managing the emotional burden of debt advice. Regular reflection with colleagues or supervisors allows advisers to process their emotional responses in a supportive environment away from the client, as recommended by Williams and Fauth (2005). This ensures that any emotional residue from particularly traumatic sessions is dealt with constructively and professionally, away from the client-adviser dynamic.

Moreover, training in emotional intelligence can equip debt advisers with the skills to recognise when they are becoming emotionally overwhelmed and take steps to re-centre themselves. Techniques such as mindfulness and grounding exercises, which are becoming increasingly common in mental health settings, can be equally valuable for debt advisers who frequently encounter clients with disturbing backstories (Kabat-Zinn, 2003).

Conclusion: The Fine Line Between Humanity and Professionalism

While debt advisers are not counsellors, they are often exposed to emotionally charged situations that require a blend of empathy, emotional regulation, and professionalism. Crying, as a natural human response, is not inherently harmful and, in some cases, can strengthen the adviser-client relationship by showing genuine empathy. However, it is essential to balance this emotional expression with the need to maintain professional boundaries. Failure to do so can lead to role confusion, loss of objectivity, and a breakdown in the effectiveness of the advice process.

Evidence from studies on empathy, self-disclosure, emotional regulation, emotional intelligence, and mindfulness provides useful insights into best practices for debt advisers. By applying these findings, advisers can navigate emotionally difficult situations while maintaining the professional detachment necessary to offer effective, solution-focused debt advice. Emotional expression, when managed properly, can be a powerful tool in creating a supportive, empathetic environment where clients feel safe to share their stories and seek the help they need.

References

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Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.

Henretty, J. R., & Levitt, H. M. (2010). The role of therapist self-disclosure in psychotherapy: A qualitative review. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(1), 63-77. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2009.09.004

Hill, C. E., Gelso, C. J., & Mohr, J. J. (2001). Therapist transparency: What therapists reveal to their clients and how it affects the therapeutic process. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 57(5), 411–425. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.1042

Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144-156. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.bpg016

Knox, S., Hess, S. A., Petersen, D. A., & Hill, C. E. (2013). A qualitative study of client perceptions of therapist self-disclosure in psychotherapy. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 274–287. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031532

Marmarosh, C. L., Gelso, C. J., Markin, R. D., Majors, R., Mallery, C., & Choi, J. (2009). The real relationship in psychotherapy: Relationships to adult attachments, working alliance, transference, and therapy outcome. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 56(3), 337–350. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0015169

Mayer, J. D., Caruso, D. R., & Salovey, P. (2016). The ability model of emotional intelligence: Principles and updates. Emotion Review, 8(4), 290-300. https://doi.org/10.1177/1754073916639667

Rogers, C. (1951). Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications, and Theory. Houghton Mifflin.

Williams, E. N., & Fauth, J. (2005). Therapist self-awareness: Interdisciplinary perspectives and implications for training. Journal of Counseling & Development, 83(2), 169-177. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.1556-6678.2005.tb00595.x