Being Harassed Is NOT Part of Your Job Description

Empowering Employees to Handle Unwanted Attention

Unwanted attention isn't just uncomfortable—it's disruptive, harmful, and, most importantly, it’s not part of the job.

Here’s what some workers have had to say about their experiences:

"They actually sniffed my hair."

"They came around the counter and lifted my sleeve to see my tattoo."

"I don’t appreciate comments about my body when I’m working."

"It makes me not want to give good service."

These are real words from workers in retail and restaurants who’ve experienced unwanted attention on the job. Dealing with these situations is challenging, and balancing the need to represent the business while asserting your right to be treated with respect requires finesse and preparation. These actions are not just unwelcome; they disrupt the professional environment and make it difficult for employees to feel safe and respected in their workplace. It’s not just about reacting to difficult moments but knowing how to steer the conversation while maintaining professionalism.

Unwanted attention isn't just uncomfortable—it's disruptive and harmful.

The Power of Words: Tools for Diffusing Tense Situations

Over the years, I’ve seen how important it is to equip people with the right language—tools that can help them navigate difficult conversations, diffuse tense situations, and set clear boundaries. Words are powerful; they can redirect a conversation, de-escalate tension, and make intentions clear without alienating others. In sales, I spent a lot of time shaping perceptions and behaviors, learning how to guide conversations toward positive outcomes. As a customer success professional, I developed "word tracks"—practiced phrases that navigate tricky topics with tact. And as a radio host, I learned to handle challenging interviews, finding ways to engage thoughtfully even when there were disagreements.

These varied experiences have taught me that handling delicate situations isn’t about confrontation but about having the right words ready to steer the conversation in a productive direction.

The Need for Training and Practice

What surprised me, though, was that many employees hadn’t received any training on how to handle these situations, even though it seemed to be a common issue, particularly affecting the female staff at their store. This lack of preparation leaves employees feeling unsupported and unsure of how to react, potentially putting them in more vulnerable situations.

It’s not just about having the right words; it’s about being able to use them confidently in the moment.

It’s not just about having the right words; it’s about being able to use them confidently in the moment. If you can’t confidently say these phrases when the customer isn’t there, you won’t be able to say them when they are. The words will feel odd, forced, and unnatural. It’s why I personally practiced handling sales objections, and why I trained my team to do the same during role plays. Practicing builds confidence; it makes responses smoother, natural, and effective. The same applies to handling unwanted attention—employees need to be comfortable with these phrases so they can use them when it counts, without hesitation.

They also expressed that the concern of physical violence is real, and employees need to feel prepared and supported. In a tight job market, the idea of walking away from a job shouldn’t be the only option for someone facing this kind of behavior. No one should have to choose between their safety and their livelihood.

Refining the Strategy: Finding Effective Communication Tools

These experiences got me thinking: how could my background in wordsmithing, sales, marketing, and customer success help people who need a way to handle unwanted attention without alienating customers or risking their job? One person I spoke with mentioned they use "let's just focus on the transaction" when a customer crosses a line. I liked the simplicity and directness of it, and it inspired me to think about other ways to use language to set boundaries and steer conversations effectively.

The goal is always to maintain professionalism while firmly establishing boundaries.

Phrases like "I’m here to ensure everyone has a comfortable experience—let’s keep things professional," or "Let’s get back to finding what you need," can serve as non-confrontational ways to redirect the conversation. The goal is always to maintain professionalism while firmly establishing boundaries.

It made me realize how crucial it is to provide support and practical tools, so everyone feels prepared and empowered to address these challenges head-on. This article is based on conversations with co-workers, family members, and candidates who’ve faced these challenges.

Managers, Prepare Your Teams with Confidence and Care

For workers in both retail and restaurants, and especially where alcohol is involved, preparation is key. Being ready with practiced responses, knowing when to assert boundaries, and having support from management can make all the difference. This isn’t just about diffusing uncomfortable situations; it’s about building a workplace where employees feel empowered to protect their well-being while delivering excellent service.

Practicing builds confidence; it makes responses smoother, natural, and effective.

If your team isn’t equipped with these tools, they’re left to navigate difficult interactions without a map. This not only risks their safety but also affects their ability to deliver the level of service your customers expect. Equipping teams with clear protocols, practiced responses, and management support helps them navigate these moments confidently and assertively. Training, role-playing exercises, and open communication aren’t just about managing difficult interactions—they’re about creating a safer, more supportive workplace where every team member knows they’re backed by their company.

A Practical Framework for Handling Unwanted Attention

Here’s a practical starting place for handling unwanted attention. These "word tracks" are designed to help workers assert boundaries while maintaining professionalism, offering a guide to navigate through different phases of escalation:

If you can’t confidently say these phrases when the customer isn’t there, you won’t be able to say them when they are.

Phase 1: Friendly Redirection - Setting a Positive Tone

Goal: Keep interactions professional by gently redirecting the conversation.

When the behavior isn’t overtly inappropriate but needs gentle steering:

• "Let’s stay focused on your experience here today—how can I assist you further?"
• "I’d love to hear more about your thoughts on our menu options. Let’s get you the perfect dish."
• "I appreciate the friendliness, but I need to focus on my role here. Let’s get you what you need."

Phase 2: Clear Boundaries - Professional Limits

Goal: Assert professional boundaries clearly and respectfully.

The behavior is persistent. Time to set clear, professional limits:

• "Please understand that I prefer to keep our conversation professional. How can I assist you with your order?"
• "I’d appreciate it if we could keep things professional—let’s focus on getting you the best service today."

Phase 3: Firmly Assertive - Protecting Personal Space

Goal: Clearly state discomfort and reinforce boundaries.

The customer’s behavior has crossed a line. Time to be more assertive:

• "Your comments are making me uncomfortable. Please keep things appropriate or I’ll need to get my manager."
• "I need us to maintain a professional environment. If this continues, I’ll have to ask for help from my supervisor."

Phase 4: Escalation to Management - Seeking Support

Goal: Hand over the situation to management when boundaries are ignored.

Behavior is not stopping despite boundaries. It’s time for manager involvement:

• "For everyone’s comfort, I’m bringing my manager over to continue our conversation."
• "My manager will be taking care of this from here—thank you for understanding."

Phase 5: Safety First - Prioritizing Well-Being

Goal: Prioritize safety by stepping away from the situation.

If the situation becomes threatening or intimidating:

• "I need to step away for a moment. My coworker will assist you."
• "For my safety, I need to leave and get my manager."

Final Thoughts: Empowerment Through Preparation

Managers, by investing in clear training and open communication, you’re not just helping your staff handle challenging interactions—you’re building a workplace where everyone feels valued and safe. Let’s prioritize safety, respect, and dignity for all.

No one should have to choose between their safety and their livelihood.

Start by asking yourself:

• Are my employees equipped to handle these situations?
• Do they have the tools, the words, and the confidence to set boundaries respectfully?
• If not, what can I do today to make sure they feel supported and empowered?

What have you found effective when it comes to setting boundaries with customers?

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