Being Fully Present Will Change Your Life

I recently caught up over coffee with an old friend I have not seen in years since he moved to another state. We reminisced about shared memories and caught up on work and family life. My friend is a senior executive who keeps a hectic schedule familiar to many of us, that is often in conflict with his desire to be a better leader, a better friend and a good husband and father to his wonderful family. With a tinge of sadness, he shared with me an observation I have heard many times over the years: “My days are usually a blur and all seem to run together. I know I am missing important things in my interactions with family, friends and colleagues because I am so busy. In fact, I feel like I blinked and missed the last several years.” We finished our coffee conversation and parted ways, promising to do a better job of staying in touch, but the memory of my friend’s insightful comment stayed with me.

I sent him an email a few days later to follow up, offer encouragement and share some helpful advice, which he insisted I make available to my network. So, here it is as my latest blog post:

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It was great catching up last week. It has been too long my friend! I will be up your way in late October and would love to get our families together if you are available. I have been thinking a lot about our conversation which is similar to ones I am frequently having with other friends and clients. Your admission that you are moving too fast and missing out on what really matters is a challenge many of us are facing. As we discussed, better calendar management is a good place to start, but your dilemma begs a deeper and more thoughtful remedy. I wrote about my own humble efforts in dealing with these challenges through the stories I shared in my recent book which I gave you, Being Fully Present: True Stories of Epiphanies and Powerful Lessons from Everyday Life.

Out of a desire to be helpful, I would like to share with you how I see “being fully present”, as I think it will help you re-frame your thinking about the quality of the time you invest each day. As I have grown older, more experienced, and hopefully a little wiser, I’ve come to recognize the importance of being fully present and truly experiencing the value of a conversation or situation. Every day of my life is a series of encounters with people or situations that merit my full attention. I think this also obligates me to not be distracted, to actively listen, to ask relevant questions, and to look below the surface for deeper meanings I should glean from the moment.

These are all important and necessary behaviors, but I want to take you into a deeper exploration of this topic and share best practices that will enhance your own practice of being fully present and produce meaningful results. I shared with you over coffee and I write in the new book how intentional I am about scheduling and savoring quiet time each day. Part of this comes from being self-aware about accommodating my high-functioning introvert personality, but also because I find peace and get re-charged by quiet time. Some examples for me are device-free walks in the woods at the end of the workday and on weekends, daily prayer time in my home office and taking short breaks between meetings to reflect on who I have met and thoughtfully prepare for who I will meet. My wife and I also read together in our family room whenever we can with the TV off. We all would benefit from spending more time in quiet places that amplify distraction-free thinking and reflecting and less time in noisy public spaces and environments that over stimulate our brains and make it difficult to focus.

Quality relationships in all areas of our lives are critical. Instead of narrowly viewing our work calendars as a blur of non-stop meetings or as weekends filled with frantic family activity, I would suggest we should all have a mindset of showing up and fully engaging with people and life to truly enjoy the fruits of being fully present. Think of how many encounters with our fellow humans we have each day that wind up being missed opportunities to be more present and fully engage. Investing in new relationships, spending quality time with family and friends, going deeper with work colleagues and truly getting to know them—all this is foundational to being in a position to glean the kinds of lessons and epiphanies you admitted you are missing in your life. ?

Try journaling. I recognize that journaling is not for everyone, but I can't emphasize enough how helpful this practice has been for me when it comes to reflection and gleaning lessons from meetings, situations, or even distant memories. I have filled up over two-dozen journals the last twenty years. Because I practice daily reflection and intentional journaling, I consistently capture my thoughts and unpack lessons and ideas I have or may learn from others. I also glean from reviewing these journal entries how to make changes that allow me to show up more fully with others. You may have a favorite app for this purpose or some other helpful approach, but please thoughtfully consider how helpful a simple, old-fashioned journal can be in elevating your ability to be fully present. By the way, I have found that writing down notes during a meeting with someone is a powerful way to convey that you are listening and fully present.

There is one helpful, overarching mindset and best practice I encourage you to adopt if you truly want to get the richest benefit from being fully present: Always be mining for gold. Recognize that every situation and encounter can offer great value to you or the other person, and it requires paying careful attention. Sometimes the “gold nuggets” come to us later, not in the moment. Reflecting on memories, either recent or distant, and seeking both the obvious epiphanies and hidden lessons will change your life as you get more intentional with this practice. I do my best reflective “mining for gold” early in the morning over a quiet cup of coffee when I am sharpest and most alert. In fact, I am writing this note to you early on a Saturday morning after my second cup!

I hope you will use the ideas and concepts I have shared here to enhance your definition and practice of being fully present, and I hope this also helps you to embrace changes you may want to make to help you grow and thrive. When you get a chance to read it, you will hopefully recognize that almost every work, family and faith experience contained in the stories of my new book helped me in some way to be more aware of where I was at that moment in my life, what I needed to change, and the steps required to initiate the change. As I suspect you will likely agree, not all encounters and situations will be positive on the surface, but adversity and difficulties can often be the most effective catalyst for teaching the most meaningful lessons.

I pray this email and the advice I am offering will inspire you, challenge you, open the aperture of your thinking, and motivate you to make changes if necessary. I encourage you (as I encourage everyone) to spend less time looking at screens and letting your busy calendar dominate your life and instead spend more time listening, talking, thinking, praying, and reflecting. I encourage you to savor every conversation, be open every minute of every day to epiphanies waiting to be revealed, look for “God wink” moments that will change your life, and revisit powerful memories to see what you may have missed. Also, I encourage you to look for those opportunities when you are fully present to have a positive impact on others as I know that is your sincere desire as well.

In my experience, the practice of being fully present, followed by thoughtful reflection, has usually led to some sort of needed course correction that helped me get back on track. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I know my life is considerably better for this effort. May this message and your own efforts produce the same fruit for you.

I look forward to connecting again soon and discussing this further.

Your friend,

Randy

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If you share my friend’s challenge, as so many professionals I know do, I hope you will find the advice I gave him to be helpful. One additional tip I didn't share in my note is to be patient and give yourself grace. It takes time to learn how to slow down and begin to truly live in the moment…to be fully present. You may not see changes immediately, but stick with it. You will be very glad you did.

Good luck!

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*If you feel a more appropriate place for you to start making changes in your life is better time management, check out these two previous posts of mine: Living Life in Real Time (Advice for Busy Professionals) & Identifying (and Thwarting) Time Thieves

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*Learn more about Randy's recent leadership books here.

Learn more about his brand new book, Being Fully Present: True Stories of Epiphanies and Powerful Lessons from Everyday Life

Randy Hain is the president of Serviam Partners, the award-winning author of 10 books, an executive coach, leadership consultant and thought leader on candor, clarity, time management, accountability and business relationships. He is also the co-founder of The Leadership Foundry.