Being an Extraordinary Parent

Parenting

 So you want to be the best possible parent?

Whether your children are teenagers or they are not yet born or they are somewhere in between – it’s always the right time to learn some new tricks and tips. 

But even more than that – it is of vital importance how you are with your children. 

• How present are you? 
• How calm are you? 
• How caring are you? 
• How understanding are you? 
• How loving are you?
• Do you inspire you?

Did you know that kids equate your undivided attention with how much you love them and in turn how valuable and important they are? 

Historically parenting was not the same issue as it is today. Children used to work with their parents on the farm. One parent would have died by the time the child was 15. Now children live at home till they are 25 or so. Now there are so many more distractions, pressures and temptations that draw each member’s attention from the family yet there is still a strong reliance on the family. 

We feel guilty when we are with the family and guilty when we are working or exercising because we are not with the family. 

What are your priorities?

 So here are my 5 top tips and hints for better parenting. 

• Be present – put the phone away
• Acknowledge their feelings
• Validate their reaction to a situation
• Respect their boundaries,
• Fulfil their needs, physical and psychological.

 When we are born we are

• Spontaneous
• Playful
• Loving
• Adventurous
• Resilient
• Creative

 Why then are children of 5 or 6 frightened to dance, explore, wonder or try new things?

My guess it is something that has happened that has damaged their sense of

• Spontaneity
• Playfulness
• Lovability
• Adventurousness
• Resilience
• Creativity
• What might have happened?

 The child was being herself and someone told her she was wrong, or stupid, or useless, or annoying. 

You know the situation.

Your child is wanting to dance. She wants you to watch. She doesn’t understand your subtle responses until you explode and say something hurtful.

The child becomes shamed.

Not a feeling of "I made a mistake and that is OK." More than that

"I am a mistake and that is not OK". Watch me deliver a speech on this topic

By clicking below.

https://youtu.be/CWTtSsd9kYI

 Before we go any further – there is no blame here.

 We each do the best with what we have got.

 We as parents don’t want to belittle our child who we love with all our heart.

 Yet shame is a real thing a VERY BIG thing.

 There has been shame insidiously infiltrating families for generations.

How can I stop it? I hear you ask.

 The best way to stop it, is to uncover it.

 What does that mean?

 We are all the product of shame in one way or another.

We all suffer from shame.

• Some people are over achievers because of shame.
• Some are underachievers.
• Some people are other people pleasers because of shame.
• Some of us are narcissists. 

Most of us are trying to do too much and others of us are too scared to try.

While others of us are addicted to partaking in drink, food, shopping, accumulating.

 We can’t stop because we are too scared to really discover what is deep down.  

Whatever it is for you it is real.

It is stopping you from connecting with who you really are.

With who you’d be if you were able to delve below the shame layer.

 If you find your true self deep down below the layers - you will be the best YOU that you can be and consequently the best parent that you can be.

 Prevention of ,mental health problems such as drugs and self harm can be greatly lessened by diminishing the shame that children feel growing up.

What does this mean?

Shame is the sense of dread you feel when you have just broken dad’s best trophy and you can hear his car pull up in the driveway, you know that there will be such a big deal made of the loss of this thing that your name will be mud for several days, You feel rotten and shamed.

And it is never too early either

I was reading recently that studies have shown that the level of shame children feel at seven predicts the danger of them partaking in drugs, and other dangerous behaviours and even suicide as adults.

 The best way to lessen the shame growing up is for parents to increase their concept of self so in turn improve the way parents deal with stressful situations.

 Loving ourselves is a rebellious act!!

 BE rebellious.

 Love yourself more and be better at loving your children

Contact me if you want to act now!

Time is of the essence !