Being an Effective Ally: Action and Support

As executive sponsor of VMware’s PRIDE employee resource group for LGBTQ+ people and allies, I’ve had the opportunity to think a lot about what allyship is.?Allyship is more than just intent; it requires proactive action. I’m honored to share these thoughts from our internal blog on how to get started as an ally and how to support other groups.

Getting started as an ally.?

There’s one question I, as a gay man, hear a lot from colleagues is “What can I do to be an effective ally for the LGBTQ+ community?”??I can really relate to this question because I faced the same questions with the recent Black Lives Matter and racial injustice issues.?I was struggling myself with questions like “How do I help?”, “How do I participate?”, “How can I make a meaningful difference, not knowing where to begin that conversation?”

I believe listening is a great place to start that conversation. Commit to educating and informing yourself as the first order of business.?Fran Leibowitz has this saying “Think before you speak.?Read before you think.”?This education is the foundation of understanding. There's a lot of material and information you can find just by searching on the internet or visiting your local bookstore – this is my plug for local bookstores – and spending time to learn.

Allyship starts with education.?

There are some amazing documentaries and movies on Netflix and other streaming platforms about the lives of LGBTQ+ political and community leaders that we can learn about.?Example: check out a movie like Milk which contains a lot of biographical information about the life of Harvey Milk, California’s first openly gay elected official. It shares his journey as a community organizer, leader and San Francisco councilman.?He was one of the first public figures to stand up and said “I am a gay man” -- something that was truly profound and revolutionary and dangerous in 1970’s America. That he understood that those words came at great personal risk – ultimately, at the cost of his life -- is part of the power of his impact.?

Those events were not that long ago and those risks are not even past tense for many LGBTQ+ people.?Depending on where you live, it's still dangerous for many LGBTQ+ people to speak and live our truth.?This is particularly true for those in the trans and non-binary community.?So what can you do to help??Educate yourself. Watch documentaries. Read books. Inform yourself. Talk to your LGBTQ+ friends and ask if they’d be willing to speak with you about their life and their journey.?

Just be sensitive to the fact that not everybody has the energy to do that -- it’s something that can be painful or exhausting, and that’s okay. Ask if they’re comfortable with questions, and make sure to respect their boundaries.

Ask and listen.?Be a friend.???

I think sometimes the most mundane questions about people's lives can be the most insightful –?the ones about where they grew up, their college major, their first job, how they met their partner, and when did they come out??Starting with the basics gives everyone a chance to decide how deep or personal they want to go. Plus, it makes it obvious that no matter how different someone else might appear, when people talk about their dreams and needs and desires and fears, we realize that we’re not that different from each other and how much we share in common.?So I think that that's a good place to start.?

The other thing I would say – to be an ally – is to be a friend.?And that is something you can give, but it's also something you get.?By making those connections and building those relationships, you can gain something that is incredibly valuable.?

Good allyship is about supporting other groups.

This question about how to be a good ally is not unique to the LGBTQ+ community.?Every community has people inside and outside the community who are seeking was to be more actively supportive.?

Building on that, I think that identifying as a member of a group that’s different from the majority comes with a responsibility to be allies to other groups that are different.??Sort of a kinship of difference.?Because to want our rights recognized comes with a responsibility to see others and support others and be an activist for others -- and that takes many, many different forms. So, inside the company, we’re organized around our PoDs, our Power of Difference, groups.?What’s interesting and very powerful to see is:?Does everybody agree on everything??No, of course, we don't.?Do all of the PoDs help each other? You better believe it.?

The amount of work that goes on between the PoDs is powerful -- and yes, that's intersectionality because people recognize that you could identify as LGBTQ+, but also be a veteran or also be a woman or also be Black, also be, also be.?Also there's that sense of How do we help? How do we help VMware be a better place? How do we help the world be a better place? And by helping and supporting each other, we become an amplifiers for each other.?

Learn more about LGBTQ+ history and perspectives.?

Movies:?20 Best LGBTQ films on Netflix

Books:??17 Must-Read books LGBTQ+ history

Kids Books:?18 Essential LGBTQ+ Children’s Books for Every Age

Podcasts:?16 LGBTQ Podcasts to follow year-round

Twitter:?Start here and follow what you like

Trevor Project – resources and helpline for LGBTQ+ Youth