On Being A Dick And Getting Over It
J. Kelly Hoey
Design your future around the relationships you're building today // Author + Coach + Speaker + Strategy ???????? focused on high-achieving networks along with the networking strategies women need for success
As I was sitting on a screen porch overlooking a tranquil lake on a recent weekend morning, I was also quietly seething. Before hitting send on a hasty email, I passed my laptop over to a close, male friend to read the email source of my discontent. His reaction was quick and accurate:
“Damn, you gals have it tough”.
The email was passive, aggressive (in the mind of the recipient, me), and I would suggest it was sent as honest, transparent dialog (in the mind of the sender). It was the type of email that, if it was part of an exchange between two guys, could have been easily dispensed with a “You’re being a dick.” Succinct. Efficient. No hard feelings. Dispute resolved and onward to problem-solving or having a beer or whatever...
I wish I could have sent a “you’re being a dick” email.
Rather, I had to ponder an “appropriate” response lest I become a thoughtless, inconsiderate bitch or shrill or maybe just simply “difficult” because of my response.
Why isn’t there an easy way for a woman to react without the real or imagined spiral into bitchdom?
Instead, I pondered. Crafted a draft response, re-wrote it, edited it, had my friend review it…then I hit send only once I had his “good”. And I still had to write about it in this week’s newsletter before I was able to let it go, completely.
Yes, sometimes we make it too damn tough.
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IT and Business Consultancy
8 年I couldn't agree more. Can't wait to try it out.
Helping Founders Scale Through Strategic Innovation
8 年Believe it or not, many professional men highly respect women who step up to the candor plate and swing. As such (in business at least), a bad pitch sometimes deserves to be crushed no matter the 'at bat' gender. Good read...
Author: Writer of stories about consulting, leading, and living wisely and songs about joy and woe
8 年Yoga, eh? Why didn't I think of that? How about just treating people like you want to be treated? Kidding aside, I see the disparity in the ways that people of various genders behave towards each other, and I pray "please don't let me be such a dick. or at least let me know when I am." Now maybe . . . a cat or a dog pose. :-) Thanks for the thought provoking chuckle.
Having worked with Roopa, I can say she has brass ones (!). I think we all make it too tough - it seems that much of the world is looking for a reason to take offense and the rest take too much time to avoid it. Not for me to judge, but if you edited your response to account for the maleness of the sender, you didn't do him or yourself any favors. If you did it to represent how you want to be understood, then it was time well spent. And the time in yoga serves us all well! With respect, Chris RYT200
Sales Enablement Manager, Certified Sales Enablement Expert
8 年Good one, Kelly!