On Being A Dad

In the past few years, around Father's Day, I have written about my late father and some of the significant things I learned from him.?This year, I want to share some of the wonderful reasons why I’m so grateful to be a Dad and a bit of what I have learned from experiences with our own children.

My wife and I have three kids – all born within 4 ? years.?For a period of time, we had three in diapers – one was always on the changing table.?But as they grew up, all of the dirty chores we had in those early years were replaced with a lot to treasure.?

Lesson 1: Kids bring out your creativity – and remember, it’s not just for home. Our bedtime ritual involved story telling.?Usually reading a book – but sometimes improvising.?Curious George was a favorite – and a few changes in the storyline.?George the Monkey’s friend was “The Man in the Yellow Hat” and was constantly bailing George out of trouble.?However, in my readings, The Man had a variety of colors for his hat, or his socks, or pants.?It always drew a refrain of “NO DAD – it’s a YELLOW HAT” – with a big smile to boot.

Other kids’ books might have ended but the kids would want to hear a continuation – “what happened next?” or “where did they go?” to which I would gladly make up a sequel.?They especially liked the (invented) tales of “Molly Manners” (as a way to learn about the right way to behave or treat someone else) and “Polly Peligro” (who considered the dangers of chasing a ball into the street or crossing outside a crosswalk).

Lesson 2: Find ways to share your days. I have always traveled a lot for business but tried as best I could to be home by the kids’ bedtime or for their weekend activities.?Showing up after a night or two away on the road would always bring warm hugs from them and a request to tell them where I had been.?One way to share a bit of the journey was to bring home a snow globe which usually had some landmark building or feature of a place I visited to show off inside it.?Over the years, our collection grew rapidly – to some 200+ souvenirs from around the world.?Showing these off to friends and cousins became a ritual for our children.

Lesson 3: Create memories through experiences. As the kids were older, we would have special days with Dad.?This might have been a trip to the Zoo, amusement park, baseball game or restaurant (I learned to grin and eat it at Red Robin…) – and the one-on-one time was memorable.?As soon as a special day was finished, there were always plans being made for the next one – “Next time, can we go to _______”.?As each graduated 8th grade, we could take a trip of their choice. Our oldest chose London, our middle child chose Disney World, and the youngest also requested London.?I have to admit that The London Dungeon tour was far more preferable to me than three back-to-back rides on Rock ‘N Roller Coaster Featuring Aerosmith.

Lesson 4: Don’t take yourself too seriously.?I coached sports for the kids – but I had to do it when they were just starting out since as they got older, they would play on travel teams as opposed to the park district teams that tolerated novice coaches like me.?Micro-soccer was a blast – the kids were 5 years old and played 3 on 3.?My philosophy at this age was all about the fun – but there was always another parent somewhere who took this game very seriously for his/her budding Pele or Mia Ham.?It was harder dealing with them than the little ones.

Lesson 5:?Take advantage of your “Dad License”.?Speaking of not taking things too seriously, as a dad, you can tell dad jokes to your children and their friends.?The friends will laugh – your kids will be embarrassed.?But who can resist the classics like “How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper.” Or “What does a baby computer call his father? Data.”

Lesson 6: Cherish the times when you are idolized. The best thing about having young kids is that they believe their dad is all-knowing.?Questions like “why can’t I touch the moon” or “why do you say, that would hurt the furniture – do they have feelings” would always get a straight-faced response from me – usually with a well-crafted answer that would make my wife bite her tongue.?Since we raised our kids at a time when kids didn’t have smart phones, my answers were indisputable.?Today, I am fact-checked at every meal.

Lesson 7: There’s no such thing as failure – just learnings.?My daughter had a homework assignment – to build a car with only a tin can, pipe cleaners and large buttons for wheels.?She asked for my help, expecting that this would give her an edge.?We tried every which way to get the pieces aligned and held together, but could barely get the contraption to move.?Her grade: a “C-”.?And she gave me the credit. ?? But we both learned the importance of trying and learning from mistakes. If only we had YouTube videos available to help us in those years.?The story of the car that wouldn’t roll remains in our family lore.

It has been said that “parenting is one of the best management training programs there is.” (Irene Rosenfeld).?And I am still learning.?However, while I am grateful for all of these lessons, my heart goes out to the families of those who lost cherished loved ones in the tragic events in Buffalo, NY and Uvalde, TX.?So this Father’s Day, give your kids an extra hug, hold them tight and say a prayer for those who are no longer able to do so for their own children.