Being a Cut Above the Rest: 9 Factors in the Personal Mastery Cycle

It's a rough world we are in right now.

Layoffs, difficult economic times, personal challenges...

I guess it may seem bleak at times.

But this is when personal mastery becomes a bedrock for our success regardless of the times.

I want to share something deeply personal yet universally applicable — a journey toward personal mastery through what I call the 9 Factors for Personal Mastery. This framework has not only shaped my professional path but has also deeply influenced my personal growth. It's about initiating change from the inside out, a process that awakens the potential within each of us.

Let me signpost the nine here, and also share along the way, how this relates to the gorgeous gem I have in the cover photo above (yes, I like collecting gems).

1. Awaken

2. Awareness

3. Aspiration

4. Adaptation

5. Ardor

6. Approach

7. Action

8. Accountability

9. Appreciation

1. Awaken

Personal mastery is a journey that begins with an essential, transformative moment—a moment of awakening. This isn't typically a sudden, dramatic revelation, but rather a gradual awareness that dawns over time. It's about recognizing the patterns and routines that subtly control our actions and decisions, effectively keeping us "asleep at the wheel" in critical areas of our lives.

Understanding Awakening

At its core, awakening is the initial step in the process of personal mastery where we realize the need for change or growth. For many, including myself, it wasn’t about an earth-shattering event but a slow realization. As I navigated through my daily routines, interacted with people and learnt from their perspectives, I began to notice habitual patterns that were not serving me well. These patterns, often so ingrained that they were almost invisible, subtly directed my life and limited my potential. I'm pretty sure that's happening for you as well.

The Subtle Signs of the Need for Change

Awakening often starts with small signs.

It might be the mild dissatisfaction that creeps in during quiet moments, or a recurring frustration in specific situations at work or in personal relationships. For me, it was the recognition of a repeating cycle in my professional life where I felt unfulfilled despite achieving what were supposed to be my goals. Sure, the money was good. But why was I not enjoying myself and feeling fulfilled?

I often say I did not experience change suddenly... I think if you have a divine sudden transformation, that's good luck for you. But we don't need to wait for something like that.

Awakening is not about waiting for a grand sign or a miraculous shift but recognizing and leveraging the mundane moments for profound personal growth.

The Role of Self-Reflection

The journey of awakening requires deep self-reflection. I know some people claim you can do this in a jiffy. I personally need half a day for such depth, and I'm actually pretty experienced at it already.

It involves stepping back from one's life to observe the patterns without judgment. It's about asking ourselves tough questions:

• What habits do I have that hold me back?
• What fears prevent me from making changes?
• What dreams have I ignored because they seemed impractical or too challenging?
• What limiting beliefs do I reinforce because my goals seem out of reach?

There's this formula from coaching:

Successful performance equals potential minus interference.

This formula invites us to consider what 'interferences'—be they mental, emotional, or environmental—are subtracting from our immense potential. Identifying these allows us to begin the work of removing them, thus moving closer to our true capabilities.

The Ongoing Process of Awakening

Awakening is not a one-time event.

It’s an ongoing process.

Every new layer of awareness brings more opportunities for growth and more challenges to overcome. It involves continuously revisiting our core values, reassessing our goals, and recalibrating our paths.

Personal mastery starts with an awakening but continues with shedding the inertia of unhelpful habits and the shadows of unexamined fears.

Once you start to live into an understanding of your own sense of identity and your own purpose in the world, then nothing matters anymore. Everything else is smoke, distractions.

Thus, awakening is not just about finding ourselves but about losing the extraneous, clearing the smoke to reveal the clear path ahead.

2. Awareness

Awakening acts as the dawn, gently illuminating the paths previously cloaked in the shadows of unconscious routine.

However, the true test of transformation begins only after this initial spark - a phase I like to call 'Awareness'. This stage is not merely about recognizing the existence of patterns but understanding their subtle intricacies and the profound influence they exert over our lives. I've observed that awareness is indispensable for authentic change. It’s the fertile soil from which the seeds of transformation grow.

Understanding Awareness

Awareness is the conscious illumination of our thoughts, feelings, habits, and the environments that shape us. It is the second, pivotal step in the journey towards personal mastery, where the awakening has already set the stage for a deeper exploration of the self. You cannot change what you do not know exists.

You cannot change what you do not know exists.

The Role of Mindfulness in Cultivating Awareness

The cultivation of awareness requires a deliberate practice of mindfulness. It involves a continuous engagement with the present moment, observing our internal dialogues and emotional responses without judgment. This mindfulness practice helps to uncover the layers of habitual actions and reactive emotional patterns that often go unnoticed but have substantial impacts on our lives. There are many mindfulness teachers on linked in including Ratna Juita, Michelle Mah and Eric Lim among others. In the end, there are also as many detractors clamoring for more "action" because mindfulness is, in their words, wasting time and doing nothing. They forget that action without awareness is folly.

Action, without awareness, is folly.

The Continuous Cycle of Awareness

Awareness is not a static achievement but a dynamic process in concert with Awakening.

Each new insight or perspective invites further exploration and adjustment.

It is a continuous cycle of assessment and realignment, driven by our evolving understanding of ourselves and our changing circumstances. Even in loss, you can gain. This ongoing process ensures that our path towards personal mastery remains aligned with our deepest values and highest aspirations.

Each step is crucial and builds upon the previous ones. Awareness is the bridge between the realization of necessary change and the action required to implement it.

I frequently use the gem mining metaphor.

In order to get real gems of strengths and character, you need to dig and excavate lots of dirt within your (tough) experiences. You are in the process of unearthing the gems within. But, you'll never find any gem already faceted like the ones you see at retail outlets. They'll be grimy and covered in muck and mud. You'll need to clean that off. Even then, you must find ways to hunt for the gem in the rough. In other words, you need to be able to see what is not yet there.

3. Aspiration

That is the essence of Aspiration. At its core, aspiration is about setting a vision or a goal that transcends our current reality. It's seeing what has not yet been seen. It's an ambitious, yet deeply personal undertaking.

For me, it was about breaking past the anxiety of being a speaker and aspiring to be a more insightful coach and psychotherapist. It's this aspirational vision that has shaped my path, offering me a target to aim for and guiding my steps forward.

Learn to see the invisible. Your aspirations will guide your path and give you a target to aim for.

The Role of Aspiration in Personal Growth

Aspiration acts as the north star in our journey of personal mastery. It is not merely about achieving a set of goals, but about the transformation that occurs as we strive toward these aims. This transformation involves deep self-reflection and a commitment to understanding the deeper nuances of our interactions and experiences.

In my practice, I've seen how aspiration can elevate a person's trajectory. It’s about more than achieving career milestones or personal accolades; it’s about being a cut above the rest.

The Necessity of Clear Vision

A clear vision is crucial in the journey of aspiration. As I mentioned earlier, you really have to see what's not yet there, and like a gem cutter, find the gem in the rough... and remove what does not belong. It's that a beautiful idea? We are all already beautiful. We simply need to see it.

Aspiration is the lens through which we can focus our energies in a direction that not only fulfills us but also uplifts those around us.

Challenges Along the Way

Aspiring for greatness or change is inherently challenging. It involves not only identifying and setting goals but also persistently overcoming the obstacles that lie in our path. These challenges can be external, like societal expectations or professional barriers, or internal, like fear of failure or self-doubt.

The journey towards our aspirations also involves dealing with the 'interference' I talked about earlier. This interference can take many forms, from outdated beliefs and harmful habits to unresolved traumas that cloud our judgment and actions.

The Transformative Power of Aspiration

What makes aspiration truly powerful is its ability to transform. As we align our actions with our deeper goals, we not only change our own lives but also set a precedent for others. Our journey can inspire and motivate others to also aspire and strive for their best selves.

In my own life, the aspiration to be a better therapist has not only improved my professional skills but has deeply enriched my personal life. It has allowed me to connect with others on a more profound level and has provided a fulfilling sense of purpose.

Living into your aspirations means more than just dreaming; it means actively moving towards those dreams. It involves constant learning, adapting, and evolving. It means being courageous enough to face the uncertainties and disruptions that inevitably come our way.

"Once you start to live into an understanding of your own sense of identity and your own purpose in the world, then nothing matters anymore. Everything else is smoke, distractions."

In conclusion, the power of aspiration in the journey of personal mastery cannot be overstated. It shapes our paths, defines our actions, and transforms our lives. As we continue to aspire, we not only transform ourselves but also contribute to a larger narrative of growth and development, inspiring others to awaken and embrace their true potential. Aspiration is not just about reaching a destination; it's about the journey itself and the profound growth we experience along the way.

4. Adaptation

Once the gem is "seen", the hard work begins.

I never knew how much hard work it would take.

I needed the tools (some weighed over 45kg). I needed to experiment with cutting and polishing. Boy was it messy. And still, as an amateur, I could not get angles right and found it hard to master.

It takes a certain level of adaptation when you realize that what you put out in the world is not necessary the greatest thing.

But to arrive at personal mastery, one has to keep at it. Not just to achieve goals or master skills, but to becoming more adaptable in the face of life's inevitable changes and challenges.

The Role of Flexibility and Resilience

Being adaptable in life means being flexible enough to change paths when the current one is blocked. My journey as a speaker and trainer was rocked many times, but none as tragically as during the COVID lockdown. Many of my contracts disappeared and I was lost in limbo. Yet, it was precisely this period where it was the best time to master digital skills and I took to it like a duck to water with my NLP coaching sessions, that saved my bacon! There are three key things that support adaptation. Perspective, context and learning.

Unlocking the Power of Perspective

Here's a simple exercise that illustrates the power of perspective.

Imagine you're drawing a circle in the air with your finger. Seen from one angle, your circle moves clockwise. But change your position, look from above, and suddenly, it might seem to shift direction.

This exercise isn't just a party trick; it's a powerful metaphor for life.

How often do we feel stuck because we're viewing a problem from a single, unchanging angle? By shifting our perspective, we can see new solutions and opportunities.

I came to learn that if you cut an angle in a gemstone, it must be aligned with its refractive index.

What this means is basically this: if you cut a sapphire using angles meant for a diamond, the sapphire has reduced brilliance, light leakage and poorer optical performance.

In other words, don't try to be a Steve Jobs or Elon Musk. You have to learn to be uniquely you. You have to change your viewpoint about even yourself!

You are a gem, but you need to know what kind you are before you can release your brilliance!

You have to learn to be uniquely you.

Understanding the Context

Now, let’s dive deeper into the importance of context.

I recall a story about a senior leader I was coaching, who was struggling with his son's lack of motivation in school. Initially, it seemed like a straightforward issue of teenage disinterest. However, upon closer examination, it turned out that the boy’s problems began only after a significant emotional event—his girlfriend had left him.

This revelation shifted the leader's understanding from seeing his son as simply unmotivated to recognizing a deeper emotional turmoil. It wasn't about anger management or a lack of disciplineat all!

Understanding the real context behind apparent problems can dramatically change how we respond to them. This deeper understanding fosters greater adaptability, as it equips us to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms.

The Role of Incremental Learning

Lastly, let’s talk about incremental learning. Knowing something theoretically doesn’t always translate into practical application. It's like knowing the steps of a dance in theory but stumbling when the music starts. The key is incremental learning—taking one small step at a time.

Yes, we are all overwhelmed with information. Instead of trying to apply everything at once, pick one aspect and integrate it into your routine. Once you're comfortable, move on to the next. This approach not only makes adaptation manageable but also sustainable.

The Continuous Nature of Adaptation

Just as awakening is not a one-time event, neither is adaptation. It's an ongoing process that requires us to remain engaged and proactive in our own lives. Each new challenge presents an opportunity to learn and grow, and each setback provides insights that are vital for future successes.

Adaptation, a critical aspect of personal mastery, is about embracing the fluid nature of life and our own capacity for change. It's about shedding rigid patterns and embracing flexibility and resilience. As we adapt, we not only overcome the challenges we face but also pave the way for new opportunities and growth.

5. Ardor

Ardor is the vibrant energy that fuels our journey towards personal mastery. It's the passion that drives us to push beyond our limits, to rise early and work late, and to question and reshape the norms that confine us. My own ardor is kindled by seeing the profound changes in people's lives, sustaining my motivation even through the difficult times.

I remember training myself to wake up with great joy, simply because I was taught in NLP to learn to feel good for no good reason. This kind of energy enables me to do more, be more productive, and achieve my goals more powerfully.

Understanding Ardor’s Role in Personal Mastery

Ardor is a key driver toward mastery. It is sustained passion that propels us forward in life, relationships or business, enabling us to overcome the myriad of interferences that life throws our way.

Ardor involves a deep, enduring passion that goes beyond mere enthusiasm. It compels us to actively engage, with grit and resolution, with our personal patterns and challenges them.

This passionate energy drives us from realization to action. It is what encourages us to take proactive steps in reshaping our lives. You experience these things not because of you, but because it’s the nature of your inheritance. Confront and modify our inherited patterns and behaviors, facilitated by our ardor.

Sustaining Ardor Over Time

Keeping the flame of ardor alive over the long term is essential. It requires consistent self-reflection and a commitment to personal growth. Using tools in neuro-linguisitc programming such as submodalities and anchoring. Regularly revisiting our motivations and actions ensures that our ardor remains a robust and vital force. This ongoing process helps us adapt to new challenges and grow in alignment with our evolving values and goals.

Ardor is the passionate energy that not only initiates but also maintains our journey toward personal mastery. It enables us to confront and overcome the challenges and routines that hinder our growth. As we each pursue our unique paths, let ardor be the fuel that burns away the trivial and illuminates the substantial, guiding us to a life of deeper meaning and achievement.

6. Approach

The way I approach my aspirations—my methods, ethics, and personal style—has a profound influence on both my success and the quality of my interactions. I've found that adopting a compassionate approach not only enhances the journey but also creates a positive impact that extends beyond my individual achievements.

Crafting a Compassionate Approach

I believe in the power of a compassionate approach. It fosters a supportive and inclusive environment. By choosing compassion over harshness, I open the door to more meaningful connections and a deeper understanding of the challenges and aspirations of others. This doesn't weaken my ardor or dilute my goals but enriches my journey, making it more sustainable and rewarding.

Ethics of Kindness and Respect

Integrating kindness and respect into my approach ensures that my actions and decisions align with values that uplift and empower others. This ethical stance is crucial as it guides me through complex decisions and interactions and builds a legacy of integrity and respect. It reflects the wisdom of an anonymous quote that resonates deeply with me.

Be careful how you treat people on your way up, because you'll never know who you will meet on your way down.

This reminds me of the cyclical nature of life and the importance of maintaining respectful and humane relationships at all stages of my journey.

Implementing the Approach in Real Life

Sure, some people take empathy overboard and become a softie. That's not what I'm talking about. You'll need to be eagle-eyed and focused on your goals and direction, but also be clear about the fact that humans are humans.

Applying a compassionate approach in real life involves active listening, open communication, and a willingness to understand diverse perspectives. It means being patient and thoughtful in my responses and actions. By prioritizing these qualities, I ensure that my approach isn't just effective in achieving goals but also in building relationships and fostering a supportive network.

Mastery is not just about reaching my goals but about the legacy I leave behind in how I reach them.

Mastery is not just about reaching my goals but about the legacy I leave behind in how I reach them.

7. Action

Wow, it took a long time before reaching action!

But that's the point.

In the landscape of personal mastery, action is not the first step but it certainly is the heartbeat that gives life to our aspirations and dreams. It's where the abstract meets the concrete, where the imagined transforms into the tangible.

Beyond the mere execution of tasks, action embodies the heartbeat of personal growth, pulsating through the Mastery Triangle—Repetition, Intensity, and Language. These elements are not isolated; they synergize to foster mastery, and their effective application can significantly propel us toward our goals.

The Mastery Triangle: A Framework for Excellence

The Mastery Triangle posits that true mastery in any field emerges from the confluence of three critical factors: Repetition, Intensity, and Language. Each component plays a vital role in shaping behaviors and outcomes, making the journey toward mastery both dynamic and disciplined.

1. Repetition: The Neuroscience of Habit Formation

Repetition is fundamental in the journey towards mastery. Neuroscience supports this, showing that repetitive practice leads to what is known as cortical thickening, the process of strengthening the neural pathways responsible for specific actions or thoughts. As cited in studies by neuroscientists, repetitive learning activates myelination, a process where myelin sheaths grow around the neural pathways, speeding up electrical impulses between neurons and thus enhancing skill acquisition and execution.

Repetition, must be intentional.

But you can tell from experience that repeating alone isn't enough.

2. Intensity: Emotional Engagement and Neural Connectivity

Intensity in practice not only refers to the physical or cognitive exertion but also to emotional engagement. Emotional intensity can significantly enhance the neurological connections associated with specific behaviors. Research in the field of cognitive science suggests that emotional experiences can lead to stronger and more lasting neural connections. For instance, a study in the Journal of Neuroscience reveals that emotional arousal is linked with increased activity in the amygdala, which in turn boosts the hippocampus's ability to solidify memories. This intense emotional connection ensures that practices are not only repeated but deeply ingrained, making mastery more attainable.

3. Language: The Power of Self-Talk in Shaping Behavior

The third vertex of the Mastery Triangle is Language, particularly self-talk, a potent tool extensively studied in sports psychology. Positive self-talk has been shown to improve attention, motivation, and performance under pressure, as highlighted in research published in the Journal of Sports Sciences.

Athletes using affirmative self-talk were found to exhibit better endurance and performance, illustrating how language shapes our mental state and readiness!

Case in Point: The Challenge of Speaking at Conferences

Consider the challenge of speaking at professional conferences. I need to translate complex concepts into accessible insights for leaders or teams that I speak to.

Here, action involves meticulous preparation, the crafting of presentations, and the real-time engagement with the audience. Each presentation is a leap into the unknown, a test of my ability to convey knowledge and engage effectively.

Taking action in this case often requires courage, especially when pushing the boundaries of comfort.

It's about choosing growth over safety, learning over stasis.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

Whether it's working with a corporate client in an industry I’ve never served, or tackling a difficult leadership conversation with my participants, the act of doing always provides deeper insights and rewards than inaction ever could.

The Irony of Mastery: Avoiding Mediocrity

While the Mastery Triangle provides a robust framework for achieving excellence, there lies an irony in its application. Many people unwittingly apply these powerful principles toward fostering mediocrity. They repeat negative self-talk, intensify their engagement with unhelpful emotions, and reinforce the language of victimhood. This misuse of the Mastery Triangle not only stalls personal growth but cements a state of mediocrity.

Implementing the Mastery Triangle in Real Life

To effectively leverage the Mastery Triangle in everyday life, one must consciously direct each element towards positive and constructive ends. This involves setting regular practice schedules, engaging emotionally with the material or skill, and continuously framing challenges in a language that reinforces capability and growth.

NOTE: If you'd like to understand how to implement the tools I've mentioned to elevate your life and capabilities, reach out for a chat!

8. Accountability

Accountability is the keystone that holds the structure of growth and progress together. It's not merely a practice but a principle that ensures we remain steadfast on our path. Accountability is about setting up systems to track progress and surrounding ourselves with individuals who encourage us to adhere to our commitments. I’m not convinced that others need to “hold us accountable”. I believe that when you learn to keep yourself accountable to the results you are getting, you benefit by always getting better.

The Essence of Accountability

Accountability is fundamental in the pursuit of personal mastery because it anchors us to reality and provides a clear metric against which we can measure our progress. It involves both self-accountability—where we hold ourselves to our own standards and goals—and external accountability, where others help keep us on track.

Systems for Monitoring Progress

Incorporating systems to monitor progress is crucial. These systems can range from simple checklists and journals where we record our daily actions and reflections, to more complex digital tools like project management software that helps track milestones. For example, I utilize a combination of daily journaling and digital tools to ensure that every small step I take is aligned with my larger goals. This methodical tracking allows me to see patterns in my behavior, recognize achievements, and identify areas needing improvement. More importantly, in NLP, I cover ideas behind behavioral modeling that make cognitive systems of excellence more accessible to you.

I invite you to speak to me about NLP - just click here.

The Role of a Supportive Community

Having people in your life who will support you can be invaluable. While they may not breathe down your throat, they function as a support pillar for your energy. This can include mentors, coaches, peers, or even family members who understand your aspirations and are invested in your success. In my journey, being accountable to my peers and clients has not only propelled me forward but also ensured that I maintain integrity and stay true to my purpose. Their expectations and support create a powerful motivator that compels me to consistently deliver my best and honor my commitments.

Accountability in Action: Real-World Application

Putting accountability into action involves more than just setting goals; it requires a commitment to regular reviews and adjustments. For instance, I schedule weekly review sessions where I assess my progress towards my goals, reflect on the challenges faced, and plan corrective actions if necessary. These sessions are pivotal in keeping me engaged with my objectives and ensuring that I am not deviating from my planned path.

Accountability, when effectively integrated into one’s lifestyle, transforms aspiration into tangible achievements

9. Appreciation

In my younger days, I was always jealous.

Why did he have that?

Why does she get the chance?

I was completely mistaken. Instead of trying to drag people down, I needed to learn to lift people up. I never felt the impact of words of appreciation in my childhood. But that does not mean it cannot impact others.

Instead of trying to drag people down, I needed to learn to lift people up.

Understanding Appreciation

Appreciation in personal mastery involves more than acknowledging successes—it’s about embracing the full spectrum of our experiences. It’s recognizing the efforts of others, seeing the value in every situation, yes, even the bad ones like failure, and understanding our growth process.

Extract wisdom from every scenario.

Regrets can become valued experiences that contribute to our growth.

Learning from Every Experience

Every situation, be it joyful or challenging, holds valuable lessons. By applying appreciation, we mine these experiences for insights, ensuring that no event is wasted.

During a simple dinner at a restaurant, I noticed the waitstaff performing their duties with little acknowledgment from patrons. I made it a point to learn the waiter’s name, make eye contact, and express sincere thanks for his service.

My friend who was with me asked why I would go to such lengths to be courteous to them. I replied that I used to be a mean customer, and never empathized with their grueling schedule. But all waitstaff are humans like us, trying to do a job. A simple gesture can make a robotic task transform into something meaningful.

It was a tiny gesture, but one that could reflect how appreciation can transform routine interactions into moments of connection and recognition.

The Role of Self-Compassion in Appreciation

An integral part of appreciation is self-compassion. Recognizing our efforts, learning from our realizations, and forgiving ourselves for our shortcomings are all crucial. When we learn to appreciate ourselves, we find that we have more to give to others.

Self-compassion ensures that we don’t harshly judge ourselves but instead acknowledge our efforts and use our experiences as stepping stones. This internal appreciation is vital; it fuels our ability to sincerely appreciate others, enhancing how we interact and connect within our communities.

Incorporating Appreciation into Daily Interactions

Who do I appreciate?

Who appreciates me?

These simple questions can make a big difference in amplifying gratitude in your life. Bringing appreciation into daily life involves actively searching for and acknowledging the positive aspects in every situation.

Every experience, no matter the outcome, is filled with lessons that shape our mastery path.

Conclusion

With this cycle of personal mastery, I believe it is possible to elevate ourselves from tough situations. You might be struggling today. But with the resourcefulness you imbue through your ardor and adaptiveness, you are likely to polish the gems within you that can shine the way they were meant to.

The art of excavating, cleaning, examining, faceting and polishing our experiences is something that will enable us to put all our amazing experiences on display - highly valued and highly appreciated by the world because of its light, brilliance and beauty.

After all, isn't that all we are striving to be?

Have a great weekend!

If you've wanted to learn about personal mastery principles to eliminate bad feelings, uplift your capabilities, think differently and raise your capacity, then DM me and let's have a chat about my unique practices of personal empowerment and leadership!