Being a Contemplative Leader in Action

Introduction

In August of 2018, I embarked on a two-year long journey that would foster massive growth in my leadership skills and understanding of myself. I joined a group of 20- and 30-somethings in a leadership program called Contemplative Leaders in Action (CLA), offered by the Office of Ignatian Spirituality. CLA is loosely based on St. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises, in that the two years are divided up into four quarters with different focuses and themes, coinciding with the four weeks of the Exercises. The goal of CLA is to form leaders that are women and men for others, who carry out their lives based on discerning God’s will for them. It is about intentional leadership, where one constantly reflects on their actions and what direction they are heading

In this article, I will bring you through a timeline of the program, and I will introduce you to some of the things I encountered along the way that helped in my personal growth. I can’t promise brevity, but I know you can expect to glean some good insights along the way, along with some awesome resources in the links. If you want the quick version, look for the bolded lessons!

Our Story – Year 1

It began with a meet and greet that August. I went to New York City – where the program took place – and met my cohort for the first time. We were Cohort XI in NYC, and we were comprised of about 15 individuals from all walks of life, all types of jobs, and all value sets. However, I believe we shared one group of things: a deep desire to understand ourselves, discern God’s plan for each of us, and become servant leaders. We knew that the next two years would be full of reflection and prayer, but we did not know how many things would change, both in our personal lives and in the world as a whole, by the time our program ended.

Before the official opening meeting in NYC in September 2018, we were asked to reflect on our goals for our time in CLA. This is what I wrote:

• Better myself as a leader, so I can do my best at making others’ lives more fulfilling and making the world a better place.
• Form deep connections within the Cohort in order to support each other.
• Root my leadership style in my faith principles.
• Gain mentors from which I can learn valuable lessons and turn to for advice.
• Have the time and space to reflect on my decisions as a leader and look for opportunities to improve.
• Become a servant leader.

From that very first meeting, I could already tell that this cohort was the right fit for me. I wish I remembered who brought this to my attention, but a pertinent lesson came up: Remember to work for the people who “work for you.” This is one of the most important points that any leader can (and should) learn. Leadership is not about you; it’s about those you lead. It is about enabling those that you lead to reach their potential. It’s about making them feel like a real human being at work – not just a number. Having this mentality of servant leadership is how one can really bring out the best from the people in their organization and, more immediately, in their team. Recognize the person you are working with, with all their fears, doubts, and motivations, and you can create a powerful working relationship based on trust and commitment to each other. People will be more productive and willing to go out of their way for a leader who is emotionally invested in their success, because they, in turn, become emotionally invested in both their own success and the success of their leader.

Phew! All of that just from one quick meeting in the city. I knew I had to go back for more.

Come October, it was time for our opening retreat at Jogue’s Retreat House in Cornwall, NY. This retreat called on us to reflect where we came from, as did most of the beginning of our program, all the way back to when we were born and through the present day. This exercise brought about many great insights, two of which I will share:

1. It is important to adopt indifference in our lives. Not the “I don’t care about anything” type of indifference, but the kind where we are able to accept any circumstance or any twist in the trail. We often get so hung up on things, both trivial and meaningful. Many times, we just need to accept the situation and figure out how we can work within it with grace. Our view is short-sighted, but we need to learn to trust in the long-term successful plan that is in place for us. Sometimes indifference even comes through finally making a decision. We get lost in a mess of indecision, but when we finally give ourselves the clarity of indifference, we can move forward with one choice, instead of leaving all options open. Realize that closing a door isn’t just a “no” to one thing, but rather a “yes” to something else.
2. Always be a Human Being, rather than a Human Doing. Be intentional with your words and actions.

Just two months down, and I had already learned so much. I couldn’t wait to see what else was in store!

The next couple of months called us to look at our own self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill. For me, the thing with the biggest opportunity for growth at the time was empathy. This was not because I didn’t care about others, but rather because my ability to express that in a human-connection sort of way was somewhat lacking. That certainly came across in a few areas of my life. This realization was frustrating for me, because I knew on the inside that I cared deeply for those around me – I laughed when they laughed, cried when they cried, and always offered a listening ear. Turns out, some people, like myself, just do not naturally express those feelings as often as others do. I had to work on expressing empathy intentionally, which is such an important part of the modern workplace, where many are taught to be cold and non-emotional. This goes back to recognizing the human in your coworker.

As we progressed into 2019, we had our first of two Professional Development days in January. This first workshop was centered around the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) tool, which gives one insight into their personality type and tendencies. My results came back as ISTJ – Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. Kind of seems terrible on the surface, but luckily this goes deeper than that. Introvert just means that I tend to gain energy from time with myself, or a deep connection with one or two close people. Sensing means that I mainly believe information that I directly perceive from the world, rather than imagination. Thinking means that I mainly make decisions through logic, rather than emotion. Finally, Judging means that I tend to organize things and stick to the plan, rather than improvising. None of these things are good or bad in and of themselves, but understanding them gives me the ability to know what my tendencies are. This allows me the opportunity to capitalize on them, either by leaning into my tendency when it serves me well or pushing away my tendency if the situation calls for something else. I think understanding this in myself has enabled me to function very well in all types of situations. For example, I tend to be a strong public speaker, which people do not usually associate with introverts. That is because I have honed the ability to put on my extrovert hat when getting in front of crowds, but also fostering a personal connection with the crowd using my introvert side. Also, ISTJ’s are known to be “aloof” and “cold” by default, often failing to express emotion properly – finally, my lack of expressing empathy was explained! Understanding that has put me on track to recognize those moments in which I needed to be intentional with expressing my emotions. It takes time to come to terms with your personality type, but deep understanding and ownership of it can lead to major growth. Take a free version, see if you recognize things in yourself, and grapple with a couple of opportunities for improvement. As was pointed out to me by a CLA member, you can’t do everything, but you can do something!

February 2019 brought one specific insight that really struck me. One of my cohort members brought up the idea of a “spiritual cannonball.” The idea is this: Imagine the world as a pool, and a single prayer or intention as a person jumping into the pool in a cannonball off the diving board. See all those ripples of water that spread and touch all the other people in the pool? Crazy how one action in one part of the pool can have ripple effects all the way across the pool! Now think of your workplace as that pool. How can you create a leadership moment to act as that cannonball and send ripple effects through your team?

And so, very quickly it seemed, we entered into Lent – a great time of reflection in the Church. Between CLA evermore shifting gears from “where were you?” to “where are you now?” and a well-timed Lenten retreat through Charis in NYC, I delved further into a cornerstone of CLA: discernment. Discernment is the process of making a choice between two (or more) good options, using prayer and conversation with God to guide you. It is not meant to choose between good and bad, for that choice should be clear, but rather to lead you towards the greatest good – the good that God is calling you to. This often takes something that we explored earlier, namely, indifference. Ignatian coaches us to listen to that little inner voice telling you what you truly want. He notes that the inner voice is God, basically nudging you in the right direction. So, what do I truly want? Well, I’m still constantly trying to listen to that inner voice, but I do know that I want to continue to help others reach their potential.

It happened that, at a similar time, we discussed St. Ignatius’ First Principle and Foundation. Contemplating this is a wonderful exercise that helps get one rooted into what really matters in life. Whether you are religious or not, I think many people can find pieces of this foundation to latch on to. Specifically, a couple of pieces that stuck out to me were the call for gratefulness and the call for unattachment. Being grateful for what is, and what is to come, allows us to see everything as a gift. Whether that is recognizing the good for bringing us joy, or the seemingly bad for teaching us valuable lessons, everything is a gift. Unattachment frees us from the expectations imposed upon us by both tangible and non-tangible things. Whether that be status and power, or money, cars, and private jets, we can free ourselves from the weight of their power over us. On the other hand, getting caught in ungratefulness and attachment hinders our experience of indifference, which, in turn, inhibits our ability to discern our place in this world. For, we must remain indifferent, so we can remain open to God’s will.

Realizing a foundation for yourself is important, as was Ignatius’ foundation for his work. Recognizing non-negotiables in your life will give you a foundation to build upon. What is really, truly important to you? To stay on track, Ignatius gave us another brilliant tool – the Examen. The Examen is meant to be done at least daily (ask me how many times I’ve actually done that…sorry Ignatius). The idea is that you move through a short Examen each day, calling to mind the events of the day and reflecting upon them. This should not take any more than 15 minutes. The simplified steps are:

1. Ask God for light – become present and ask for openness and clarity.
2. Give thanks – for all the things and moments in your day.
3. Review the day – literally, think about the events of the day. What did you notice in them?
4. Face your shortcomings – in what moments could you have made better choices or acted differently?
5. Look forward to tomorrow – what are you called towards tomorrow? How can you rectify a mistake you made today?

The simple, yet powerful tool allows us to settle our minds from what is right in front of us, and instead really to focus on the goodness and the lessons of the day past. Whether you find the Examen useful or not, adopting something at least similar is paramount to being a good leader. You must be able to reflect on your choices, actions, and conversations in order to learn from them and do better next time.

Our Story – Year 2

CLA year one wrapped up that June. The program takes a short break for July and August, so we moved into our second year in September 2019. In true contemplative form, we kicked off the year with a meeting where we reviewed expectations for the cohort, and to determine our ways of proceeding for the year to come. A brilliant point was made that day that has stuck with me: Several types of success do not have numbers attached to them. Being a data-loving person, this phrase STILL hurts me a bit on the inside, but it is so true and must be accepted. In leadership, successes often cannot be measured. How can you truly measure helping somebody reach their potential? How can you measure connecting with a person’s humanity? Companies try to measure these things, but I think it can be ineffective, for as soon as you put a number to something, you limit it. How can you limit the limitless? Learn to take the consolation you feel when you see a team member succeed as your gauge for success, rather than just the KPI’s that spit out of your system. That is not to say that KPI’s are entirely unimportant; rather, the data will be positively driven once constructive emotional changes are made in an organization or team.

As we moved into October, we began to dig in to another CLA mainstay, the capstone project. Each member of every CLA cohort is required to complete a capstone project in order to consider the program “complete.” The requirements for the project itself are pretty loose, but the basic idea is that each person should take what they have learned in the program and apply it to something with a lasting impact. My capstone found traction in the form of the Refugee Assistance Partners of NJ (RAP). Using my deepened desire to be a man for and with others, and to live by Ignatius’ principle of seeing God in all things (and people), I decided to start working with the local non-profit that offers tutoring, fellowship, and support to legally settled refugee families in NJ. After some research, some discernment, and some discussion, I realized that I could put my knowledge of standardizing processes to work with RAP. The organization had a lot of great people, both volunteers and refugees, but it did not have a ton of standard processes, policies, or organization in its data. I identified the opportunity to help with those things, with the goal of creating sustainability in the organization and training opportunities for new volunteers, thereby increasing and maintaining service and safety levels for the refugees. I also started acting as a tutor at their Sunday Sharing program, which has added a new, beautiful dimension to my life. This brings me to another point: A great leader shows up in difficult times, not just when things are easy. Recognizing the need of another and putting yourself in the right place to help their need is not easy and often takes courage. That is why I am in awe of the other volunteers and members in the RAP program – true leaders by action and deed, not just word.

November brought its own set of lessons, which I find it easier on all of us to list out:

• Love-driven leadership prevails. This does not mean “make it easy on them” leadership. This means showing the people you work with appreciation and kindness, in good times and difficult times. Don’t believe me? Just consider that people lay down their lives for those they love. Very seldom do I hear of people laying down their lives to hit a KPI. What’s truly powerful in driving human behavior? Remember, humans are emotional beings, not always rational.
• As a leader, you often inherit the workers around you instead of picking them. You must learn to connect with and care for every person, regardless of whether you asked for them or not!
• Develop people, don’t use people. Developing is others-focused, while using is me-focused. As one of my favorite podcasts, The Minimalists, says, “Love people, use things, because the opposite never works.”

All of those points lead me to the most pertinent lesson from December. All systems are human made; therefore, to change them, you must change the hearts of the humans within them. Have you tried changing a procedure recently and rolling it out to other people in your company? How did it go? No, no – how did it really go? It’s never as easy as making a process change and sending an email and a how-to video. People don’t often change behavior because of logic; they change behavior because of emotion. For real, lasting change, learn to connect with the heart instead of the head.

January 2020 brought us our second professional development day in NYC, this time focused around the Enneagram. The Enneagram is another model of personality (here’s a free version). It is different from the MBTI because it focuses on how you deal with fear and trauma, whereas the MBTI looks at how you perceive and react to the world. There are nine main types. After much deliberation throughout the day, I resulted in a type six with a wing five. Type six is what is known as The Loyalist – the committed, security-oriented type. Basically, according to the model, which is based on fear, I want to go around creating close-knit, supportive communities for myself, so I feel safe. I look at it this way: I want to go around creating close-knit, successful communities by bringing out the best in those around me. Understanding and accepting the tendencies of my type have helped me to realize when I am worrying about things I shouldn’t worry about, and to recognize when I am acting in certain ways that are towards the “unhealthy” end of my personality, rather than my “best, healthy” self. Being a healthy type six sets me up to be courageous, warm, witty, caring, and likeable. If I can sustain those qualities, I’m confident that I can be a good leader – one who makes people feel comfortable and welcomed, while standing up in the face of adversity. I also tend to anticipate problems, especially those that will affect my community, so I plan and organize to set things up for success.

This workshop, coupled with the new year, felt like somewhat of a turning point, as our CLA program began its final stages and we started to ask ourselves “what’s next?” With all the lessons we had learned and all of the reflection we had done, we really had to start looking at where we were going. Some great lessons from February are as follows. These are all gems that I think require no further explanation than provided:

• Don’t just grow to grow; grow to serve.
• Add things qualitatively, not quantitatively.
• What you have time for is determined by how you prioritize things. Let go of the things that don't fit.
• Regarding leadership: It’s not the job that’s heroic, it’s the attitude that one brings to it.
• We, as leaders, get to be the weather in the room.

Wow! Only a few months left in CLA. I couldn’t believe we only had three more in-person monthly meetings in NYC, and then a closing retreat in my home state of NJ left! And then came…

COVID-19 / SARS-COV-2 / Coronavirus

Well, that was unexpected. I don’t think any of us thought we would resort to virtual meetings via Zoom to get our CLA fix, but there we were. As we sat on Zoom staring at each other’s virtual faces, there was still a lot of shock in March. Just in our CLA cohort alone, some were working in healthcare, some had lost jobs, and everyone knew that the world had changed.

All of us felt the effects of the pandemic – grief, anguish, anxiety, among many other emotions – as we are just a group of humans with a common cause. However, through the fear, disorientation, and uncertainty, there was still a shared calling to show love, support, compassion, and kindness to others. We all knew we could handle this as a community of leaders. Some would donate time, some would donate money, and some would literally be putting themselves in harm’s way to save strangers. As sad as it was to be apart, it brought me so much hope to hear about how this amazing group of leaders was handling the situation.

Our meeting in April confirmed my suspicion that these people were amazing. Not only because of the things mentioned just a couple sentences ago, but because of the love, empathy, and care that my cohort was expressing for those that were hurting. I not only had my singular experience to draw from in this pandemic, but a collective experience from people all over NYC and NJ, in the absolute thick of the COVID-19 explosion in the USA, sharing a common call to love and support our fellow humans.

Our Way of Proceeding

As I write this, it is the beginning of May 2020. There are almost 4 million confirmed cases of COVID-19 globally. There have been deaths in all corners of the world, affecting families in every class of society. The virus does not discriminate.

Whether we return to a new but similar “normal,” or we return to a completely different society, the unchanging factor will be that our society will still be made up of humans. We may have changed due to this experience, but we will still have the same needs. Now, more than ever, we will need compassion, support, and love for one another. We will need to lean on each other when we lose loved ones. We will need to talk to each other when we experience the stress and fear of catching the virus until a vaccine is developed. We will have to navigate the new workplace social distancing norms together. There are no parts of life – work or personal – that will remain untouched by this collective experience.

This brings up a critical question: How do we, as leaders, proceed with this ruthless pandemic in the backdrop of our lives?

It will continually be up to leaders to support their teams and communities as we navigate this uncertainty and fear. Leaders will need to show vulnerability, so their community members know it is alright to bring their humanity to work. Productivity will only reach its full potential again once the fear and stress of this new world is alleviated – we cannot fail to address the wounds of the people that come back into work. We must continue to reflect on our words and actions, being intentional with showing support. We must continue to discern what we are being called towards to make this world a better place. We must continue to be contemplative leaders in action.

?Conclusion

As I draw to a close, allow me to revisit my goals for this program from the beginning:

• Better myself as a leader, so I can do my best at making others’ lives more fulfilling and making the world a better place.

Yes. By understanding myself and my tendencies better, I can more fully serve the people in my life to make them feel fulfilled, and we can accomplish so much together.

• Form deep connections within the Cohort in order to support each other.

Yes. As I said to my girlfriend after a recent meeting: “Don’t ever let me get too far away from these people. They’re really good for me.”

• Root my leadership style in my faith principles.

Yes. Through discernment, reflection, finding God in all things, being a man for and with others, and becoming a servant leader.

• Gain mentors from which I can learn valuable lessons and turn to for advice.

Yes. I count all of my fellow cohort members as trusted mentors, as well as others I have encountered along the way.

• Have the time and space to reflect on my decisions as a leader and look for opportunities to improve.

Yes. Although this could always be improved!

• Become a servant leader.

Yes. I lead for others, not for myself.

One cannot fully describe how powerful, influential, and important a group such as this can be – a group of contemplative leaders in action. I am grateful to count myself lucky enough to be a part of it. Servant leadership is not a destination, but a journey. So, as we close out our CLA experience in the next few months, we continue to look toward the future, constantly changing course as we discern God’s will for us.