Being Authentic

I do not condone violence! It is not acceptable! I also find it sad that so many people are taking a coin view of the Oscar event involving Will Smith and Chris Rock.?You are either Heads or Tails. I believe that everyone will say that the violent act that occurred was wrong but people are angry and either fall on the side of justifying or not justifying Will Smith’s response.

Who are you mad at The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire or Will Smith? Most of us do not know Will Smith or the angels and demons that are within, just as my co-worker does not know me but only the image I have been painted into being. We only associate him with characters that he has played like The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire, Agent J, Hitch, or Detective Mike Lowrey. We will never know the man, but feel that we are capable of judging his actions and response based on the titling of his life. I see posts on LinkedIn and other social media outlets about the need for authenticity and acceptance but do we really accept, and how authentic do we want people?

When we are only critical of each other’s flaws then we are not viewing the whole individual, but instead, reduce each other to the flawed behavior which we may exhibit on our worst day.        

Will Smith showed his flawed, enraged, and out of control authentic self, and instead of us talking about the help he may need, the fragility of his current mental state, or even spotlighting the increased need for mental health in the Black community we reduce the conversation to some spilled tea. What we saw was raw and a part of all of us, we have all experienced a similar regrettable act, not on national television, but an act that proved to us that we still had a lot of growing left to do. Yet, that incident of realness should not define you. Instead, it should offer an opportunity for someone to support and build onto the raw natural resource that is you.

When we are only critical of each other’s flaws then we are not viewing the whole individual, but instead, reduce each other to the flawed behavior which we may exhibit on our worst day.

This for me is not where the real conversation should be centered around. I believe that the events of Sunday should have us talking about the Authentic You aka Keeping it 100 or aka Being Real. Will Smith made a bold statement in his acceptance speech that I believe needs to be unpacked and reflected upon.

In his Oscar speech, he stated, “In this business, you've got to be able to have people disrespecting you, and you've got to smile and you've got to pretend like that's OK.” Just because we saw Will Smith laugh does not mean that he thought it was funny. Just because I let someone touch my hair does not mean I felt comfortable and just because an abused spouse protects their abuser does not mean that they like the abuse. I can remember the words of a colleague telling me that she did not think I was that type of person. This was after I began the process to lock up my hair, I asked, “What type of person did you think I was?” Their response was, “The Wayne Brady type”. I guess she never saw Wayne Brady on Chappelle’s Show. The problem that many people especially minorities face is having their ethnicity being boxed in.

Yet if we create a world where the only authentic expression I want is the one that fits the narrative I create for others then authenticity will not happen, even if “diversity” seems present.        

And I have come to realize that this boxing in does not always come from outside of your identifying group. How can we promote the authenticity of expression when we condemn the authenticity of emotion? Again, let me state that violence is unacceptable and the consequences of such unlawful actions are justified. Yet if we create a world where the only authentic expression I want is the one that fits the narrative I create for others then authenticity will not happen, even if “diversity” seems present. I suggest that we all use the Will Smith/Chris Rock incident to talk about how your business may be erecting systems that support Will Smith’s argument that, “…you've got to be able to have people disrespecting you, and you've got to smile and you've got to pretend like that's OK.” When these conversations are had, authenticity instead of judgment will prevail so that change and empowerment of all people can occur.