Being Assertive Gives You the Best Chance of Successfully Delivering Your Message by Marc LeVine

The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others. – Sharon Anthony Bower

Two diners at a local restaurant are dissatisfied with the inattentive service they received from their server.?Each guest handled their situation differently.

Guest number one immediately began screaming at his server in front of all the diners in the restaurant. He went as far as to use profanity to berate him and even threatened him and his family with bodily harm.?The server looked as if he wanted to crawl under a table and hide from this screaming lunatic. ?Every other diner and staff member looked on in horror.

Guest number two took a completely different approach by calling the server over to his table for a more rationale and controlled, one-to-one conversation.

I am sure you take your own family out to dinner and have seen restaurant prices climb tremendously over the past year or so, he mentioned. Would you agree that a worthwhile dining experience requires well prepared food, adequate portions and attentive service?

Yes, I would, the server willingly replied. Are you an automation engineer looking for a job in the New Year? Visit:?www.thermosystems.com/careers

Well, I have to tell you that while waiting for my side dishes, my main meal got cold and I was unable to get your attention for several minutes while my wife finished her own meal, the guest explained.?As we both agreed, eating out is very expensive these days and it is unfortunate when diners do not get the food and service, they are paying high prices for.?I must tell you that I do not feel like I received the best service and would hope the manager will offer some form of reasonable accommodation to me.

There is a huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Guest number one’s bluster was nothing more than a show of uncontrolled RAGE. ?It only placed his server in a defensive posture by publicly humiliating him. ?It is a wonder the server didn’t retaliate by deliberately dropping this dastardly diner's desert order on the floor before serving it to him... with a snide smile. ?Acting aggressively towards others can sometimes devolve into a series of sophomoric behaviors committed among dueling parties. It becomes a no-holds-barred food fight and serves no one well. Popcorn on the ready for all observers!

Conversely, guest number two aired his grievances respectfully and eloquently to the server. ?The server’s dignity was always respected. The guest appealed to his personal perspective of what a positive restaurant dining experience should include. ?He helped the server realize that his meal was unsatisfactory due to being served cold food and offered poor service.?It is likely, this guest’s on-the-house desert was served free of any foreign bodies or contaminants. ?No one deserves to be screamed at to deliver a point that can be easily made during a normal conversation.

There is an old expression that applies here. “You attract more bees with honey than vinegar.”?None of us ever want to be strong-armed, intimidated, harassed, or embarrassed by another.?Regardless of any possible justification, a critic’s behavior is just as much on trial as that of whomever is deserving of criticism. ?Civility is always a must! ?Our words and actions toward others reflect on ourselves. Being aggressive rarely wins the support of others and fails to create feelings of remorse from whomever is under attack.

We must be mindful of the way we approach others not only in offering criticism, but also when we seek to request actions on their part.?This includes trying to get a callback or email response; selling something to a reluctant prospect; or asking your boss for a raise or promotion. ?Being Overly aggressive only alienate others.?It goes beyond “pushiness” and rises to the level of being obnoxious.

Assertiveness is much more about being tactfully persistence.?The best way to deal with others is to ALWAYS show respect for them as peers. ?Never approach a situation with abruptness and forcefulness, if you want others to accept your point of view and cooperate.?

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The Author

Listen to Marc's latest interview on The AutomationBlog Podcast with Shawn Tierney.

Marc LeVine is a graduate of Syracuse (NY) University with a degree in Industrial Psychology, Marc is currently Talent Acquisitions and Learning and Development Lead at Thermo Systems. He is the recipient of the Excellence in Talent Acquisitions Award from HR Awards in 2021. His prior employment includes senior Human Resources and Staffing Industry management roles with Edgewood Properties in Piscataway, NJ, Brickforce Staffing in Edison, NJ, InfoPro Inc. in Woodbridge NJ and Plainsboro, NJ and Harvard Industries in Farmingdale, NJ, a former Fortune 500 company. He also served as Director of Human Resources for New Jersey Press, the parent company of the Asbury Park Press, Home News and Tribune and WKXW-NJ101.5. Earlier in his career, Marc served as Director of Career Services and Placement at Union Technical Institute in Eatontown and Neptune, NJ. In addition, Marc owned and operated Integrity Consulting Associates, a New Jersey based Human Resources and Social Media Marketing firm for 11 years. Marc also served as Council President in his hometown of Freehold Borough, NJ