Being approachable in the age of instantaneous distraction

With cell phones and other forms of social connection I see more and more people shy away from the in-person connection. I’m sure there are multiple reasons but a few big ones I’ve heard were fear of interrupting someone else, rejection and the humiliation someone feels when they get the less than desired outcome. Often I wonder what other people think about when they ask a stranger for directions, help or in general give a warm greeting - and it all comes back to how approachable you are that other people take the chance. 

A few years back a boss of mine at a part-time gig sent me a Buzzfeed article (yep a Buzzfeed article!) and said “this just describes you, it’s why people come to you first in the store” and I was so confused. We previously talked about my curiosity to why I tended to get a few more people come up to me when I was like the last in line of people to help...and the result - Resting Nice Face (RNF). Yes, yes I know- less common than the RBF (resting b***** face) everyone is more familiar with but I would say is very valid! 

Here are a few items from the article that if you have RNF would identify with:

• Everyone says hi to you.
• People sit next to you in public places.
• People are always asking you for directions.
• People done believe you when you say you’re mad. 

(For you’re fun reading adventures: https://www.buzzfeed.com/lorynbrantz/niceface-the-struggle-is-real) 

Now I am not saying that everyone needs to adapt a RNF to connect with people! However at the root of it all it is about approachability. So to get to the point - being able to be approachable in a world of instant gratification and distraction is the name of the game. Here are some key items that I have identified as keys to being approachable.

Presence 

Being able to hold a space and own who you are and the greatness that you bring is a very big part of it. People are naturally drawn to people who own who they are without it being this big green giant called ego taking up the whole room. Owning who you are is often perceived through their confidence, their body language and overall how they contribute to the space. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert you can hold a space so powerful that allows people to feel safe and comfortable. This definitely is a skill - some people have it naturally and some it is developed. My secret when being present - I genuinely care about those around me. It can be a room of people I know, just met or have no idea who they are I really believe that we all are awesome in our own way and want to learn more about them. 

Smile

That old saying “a smile is worth a thousand words” is true! You never know what a simple smile and acknowledgment of another people can do. It can make someone’s day, it can spread happiness and guess what - makes you naturally more approachable. Now - we all know those fake smiles that are half hearted - yeah not those ones! But a simple lip curl or a little teeth never hurt no body and can do more wonders than words often can even express! 

Conversation 

Anyone else ever been in situations where you were minding your own business and someone strikes up a conversation with you and you are wondering if there was a giant neon sign above your head saying “TALK TO ME”... Well this happens to me frequently and I still wonder how I get pulled into those conversations. A key here in being approachable ties back into the other two above - being genuinely interested in the other people and giving a quick smile allows the other people to feel heard, valued and allows for a more graceful exit while giving a kind deposit out into the world. You never know who is connected to what opportunities and what you can learn from others - so I would recommend cherishing these moments because you never know where they might lead!

As you embark on your journey to being more approachable to truly connect with other people in-person versus cellphones or other forms of social connections keep three key pieces in mind: your presence in a space, a simple smile goes a long way and genuinely caring about the conversations (and easier to make a graceful exit). People might not start siting next to you in public places or asking you for directions right away but you will be well on your way to connecting! 

One thing I can promise that connecting with others is that they will lead to more opportunities, things to learn and some pretty funny stories ????

#relationships #approachability #presence #leadership #RNF #connecting