Being ambitious and a mother

Before I gave birth I was fixated on not becoming one of those mothers that loses her pre baby identity. I loved my youthful adventurous ways. I loved my ambitious professional goals.

I knew that because I was scared of losing these identities - well I would not lose them. I would likely go to really obnoxiously extensive lengths to protect them!

And I did, to start. At 10 weeks post partum I facilitated some workshops. It was awful. Each minute away from my baby was painful. I could hear her crying in the other room, and my soul cried along with her.

Even though my body was telling me no, my stubborn self had to preserve. I had to stay a business woman. And an ambitious one at that.

And not only that, I had to stay young and fun! I had pre booked concert tickets before giving birth for around the same time. I would have to leave my baby for 4-5 hours to go see the show. The idea sounded torturous. Every bone in my body wanted to stay cuddled up next to her.

But I really loved the group that was performing (Sofi Tukker, anyone?!) so with some pretty gentle and kind encouragement from my partner, I went.

The commute there was awful. I felt naked. My little human kangaroo was missing. But once I arrived, I immersed myself in the music… I felt at home in a different kind of way. Energized. Light. Youthful. My soul sparkled!

The contrast was stark. I almost called it quits on work with this realization. It was too soon. But I persevered - because as I said, I am stubborn.

I took a few coaching calls rather than workshops… and lo and behold, energy! The energizing feeling of supporting other adults was present. Not quite as ravishingly intoxicating as it used to be but energizing none the less.

But this was many moons ago. Now I am settling into life as a working mother, I realize my ambition is morphing.

It’s not that I want to work less — it’s that I want my work to work for me. I want it to be more synergetic. I want it to solve my problems, rather than create them.

When I became a coach, I was going through an intense season of personal growth. Becoming a coach & coaching others actually was supporting me in that growth. It was synergetic and honestly mega efficient.

I don’t need to usher myself through growth anymore. Motherhood is growth enough on its own. What I need is community, play and a lottt nervous system regulation. Oh and a guidebook on how to raise my daughter?

I also need life to be less expensive (ahem, childcare) and to be even more flexible (less daytime work & meetings, please!). I need these things so I can spend more time with my daughter. And hopefully my other future children.

My current idea / daydream is to become a childminder. Take care of my own child. Cultivate a beautiful environment for other children I know I will adore. Save money on childcare. Earn money doing something I’m already passionate about getting really damn good at (rearing children).

Would my friends & family call this ambitious? Probably not. It’s too simple. The impact isn’t far reaching. “Anyone can do it”.

Yes, of course they are right in this regard. But anyone can also be a coach (unfortunately).

The thing is I am a really damn good coach. And I plan to be a really damn good childminder (or whatever this daydream ends up manifesting as).

Ambition is no longer about climbing the ladder, nor earning lots of money.

Ambition is about having the guts to create a way of living that feels incredible throughout every stage of life. To constantly reassess what is and isn't working at home & in the workplace and?do something about it.

I’ll keep coaching, and I’ll definitely keep writing. But my dreams are evolving as I evolve. And as any ambitious human knows - ambition is simply about ferociously following your dreams.