Being Alone Doesn’t Have to Be So Lonely!

HOW TO STAY POSITIVE WHEN YOU ARE ALONE BY YOURSELF

You may have heard of the phrase that Being Lonely and Being Alone are Two Different things. But it appears rather odd and strange at first. Just the mere thought of us being left on our own, without being in touch with another human being, is a formidable scenario, definitely one we don’t want to experience for ourselves. Yet, most wise people seem to defy this concept and instead rather encourage other humans to learn how to live just by themselves, suggesting that it can somehow revolutionize your lives and who you are. One way or another, these days, no matter if you grew up agreeing to such opinions of people who seem to thrive well even when they’re left alone, the Corona Virus Pandemic has created abrupt havoc in our lives and forced us to adopt a homebound lifestyle. With social distancing and a shift towards online jobs, education, and even virtual hangouts on group video calls from our gadgets, it means that most of us are confined within the walls of our home without being left with any alternative choice. While some people are actually all by themselves, others may be co-living with their families or roommates, but since they may not have the same strong emotional affiliations to them as much as they have for people who are hunkering down in their homes elsewhere, like distant college friends, they too can feel as if they are left alone amidst people they don’t belong with.

So, given that life has brought us to a point where solitary confinement seems to be our current status, where do we go from here? Do we all wallow in our sorrows and feel constantly depressed over this sudden change?

No! Of course not. Not only would that be destructive for your personal health and mental wellbeing, but you also can’t just let life pass you by without appreciating the moments you have, even if it’s only you for now.

So, instead of waiting for life to happen to you, why not use this leisure time to finally experiment with the possibility of living alone with positivity and hope! TRUST ME, I’M A PSYCHOLOGIST AND I’M NOT KIDDING WHEN I TELL YOU THAT IT IS POSSIBLE!

“There is no such thing as living alone, for all living is relationship; but to live without direct relationship demands high intelligence, a swifter and greater awareness for self-discovery”. (Jiddu Krishnamurti)

When it comes to the wonderful, magical art of living by yourself happily, this Indian Philosopher has hit the nail on its very head! You see learning how to live on your own is a slow but generously fruitful process that begins by self-recognition, to then acceptance of oneself, to treat your being with respect, and be willing to delve into the journey of self-exploration. Sounds too good to be true? Let’s show you how this can be achieved, through some practical steps you can incorporate easily in your life to then notice how they influence and change you.

·        Accepting Yourself as A Complete Individual!

See, the very first thing that is essential for you to understand is that often times, people don’t really accept themselves as complete individuals on their own. When you think of yourself, you may view yourself as someone’s child, sibling, spouse, or friend, and very rarely do you view yourself without such relations attached. So, when you end up having to be on your own, you begin to think as if you are incomplete and lacking something that only another individual can bring in your life for you. This is what makes being alone so difficult for some people since they are constantly feeling empty and lacking a part of their own identity. So, to overcome this mental obstacle, you have to begin by viewing yourself as an independent, autonomous, and complete human being who does not need external validation or opinions to live life differently. Everything you need can be found within you, even emotions of joy, excitement, and positivity.

·        Know The Rights You Owe To Yourself!

Just like any other human being gets to enjoy the right of being treated kindly and with empathy by others, you have to feel the same way towards yourself. You too have rights and if no one else is there to encourage or support you then you must show up for yourself. So, for example, if your friend was struggling to lose some unhealthy weight, you would tell her to eat healthily and sleep better. I f you saw a coworker getting exhausted from over-functioning, you would tell them to let loose, relax, and to spend time for healing emotionally. Well, when you’re stuck alone, you no longer have other people to remind you of these things, so you have to assume this responsibility. Treat yourself how you like to treat others. So, when you feel like you have been overworking, tell yourself to get rested and rejuvenated. If you are procrastinating on something important, you have to remind yourself like your own responsible friend that it’s for your own benefit to do things timely. So, remember that you owe yourself the truth and human rights you think other people deserve. Writing things down in a Journal as To-Do Lists, Weekly/ Daily Reflections and Goal Trackers are some ways you can achieve this in an easy way, without putting in the extra effort to remember stuff all the time when you have all your expectations and ambitions written down.

·        Stop Comparing Yourself to Others!

While we’re alone, we habitually spend most of our time mindlessly scrolling on social media to watch filtered snapshots of other people’s lives forgetting that what we see on social media isn’t real and is just the story of a few minutes when the picture was taken. Yet, still, we go on to feel anxious and feel worried about how other people are apparently doing so well, dressing up at homes, eating healthy, reading books, or getting a new job when we don’t even know the other half of the story. But, our relentless and never-ending mental comparison drags our mood down and we feel like underachievers in life. This is toxic and can actually make you so sad, that it may for real affect your performance at work, academics, or generally in life, since you are already feeling pressured as if you’re behind in some perpetual human race. So, stop comparing yourself with someone else since you have never walked int heir shoes and neither have you in theirs. Your life, progress, milestones may all seem wildly different from someone else and it is okay.

·        Think, Experiment, and Create!

You must have heard of the term that An Idle Mind is A Devil’s Workshop and when we begin to view our personal doubts, anxieties as our brain’s demons, it’s actually pretty easy to see how true this can be. Instead of sitting around till you either feel too bored to look forward to anything or you’re overthinking everything, you need to indulge in hobbies, leisurely activities to pass time constructively. Remember the goal here is to spend time constructively and not necessarily productively, so even if you’re not the world’s best painter or a chef, but painting on canvases or cooking food gives you joy, do it to have a good time! Once you begin to do something you love, your mind is energized and it thinks in the most creative, innovative ways leaving you with fun insights and reasons to feel more secure and peaceful. And who knows, you may just create your Pablo Picasso worth of craft one day too!

·        Get Yourself a Companion, a Pet Animal, or a Garden of Plants!

Yes, there is a reason why all the plant people or the infamous cat lady around your bloc are always so happy and positive! Humans love nature, and looking after plants or animals can be incredibly gratifying and refreshing. It can be one of the purest forms of relationships you can have in life, where you learn how to be more giving, caring, and kind in life to be in turn refreshed by the blooming of flowers or your puppy licking your face. So, if you really want some company, then find yourself your dream pet!

·        Spend Time Away From Screens and Try Mindfulness Exercise!

Being constantly in front of the television, computers, and phones, we can get physically and mentally exhausted to experience burnout. It dulls our senses, makes us lazy and laggard and it hinders your brain from staying uplifted and motivated. This is why it is essential to take regular breaks away from our gadgets and to use this time for properly recharging your body and mind by undertaking mindfulness exercises. These could be anything, from jogging, exercising, writing a Journal, listening to a podcast, or simply jamming to your favorite music. But whatever works to soothe your nerves, you must make a daily habit of incorporating it into your schedules, so that you can have your daily dose of inspiration and positivity even when no one else is there to do so.

So, I hope that at least a few of these tips may help you out, while you continue to live on your own. With time, practice and experience, you’ll see how living alone can actually be fruitful and lead up to significant personal growth as once you master the art of staying positive even when there are not many people to help you out, you become almost too ready for taking life head-on with courage and inspiration. Still, remember that just because you’re physically alone and separated from others, doesn’t mean you have to be socially disconnected and isolated too. Call up your loved ones, video chat with people, and stay in touch with the rest of the world, in whatever form possible. It’s important to check up people you love as you never know when you can make someone’s day and you’ll appreciate when they reciprocate the same favor for you.

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All this said, don’t panic. Make the commitment to start this journey, see where that takes you, and reassess. The process is rewarding on both a personal and professional level — and trust me, you have something to say that people want to listen to.

If you have any more tips that you like to practice in your life for staying positive, feel free to share in the comments section below! Because as you know, sharing is always a form of caring!

THANKYOU for reading it!

Don't forget to share so others who may be suffering would get some help :)

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Lubaba Afzal is an Organizational Psychologist and the Founder of PsychedBrain, an online platform providing mental wellness solutions to its valued users. PsychedBrain offers self-help books and journals as well as virtual mentoring sessions to make mental health tools smart and accessible for all.