Being Alive: Embracing Life's Urgency

It’s been a year or so now since a good friend of mine passed away suddenly. The message of living fully and embracing life's urgency remains as poignant to me as ever. The passing of time has only reinforced the importance of being present and engaged in our lives, reminding us that happiness and our goals should not be postponed.

Overcoming Self-Imposed Limitations

We too often find ourselves constrained by self-imposed boundaries, falling prey to self-sabotage and doubt. We question our abilities, worry about financial stability, or fear judgment from others. These self-created limitations can prevent us from truly living and experiencing life to its fullest.

We prioritise the ‘shoulds’ in life, seeing them too often as ‘musts’, removing any free will. When my mother was dying many years ago I prioritized work, telling myself that I was required to be present at all times during the working day. When I was finally persuaded to ask my boss to work from the hospital, he responded that I didn’t even need to ask. It was my restriction not his or the institution’s that was holding me back.

When I was trying to rethink my career, I started with the boundary of the income I required. That prevented me from thinking more creatively about what I could and wanted to do. In the end, with help, I put aside the boundaries, focusing on what would bring me fulfilment and joy and only then asked myself how to make that financially viable.

In order to break out of these constraints, you first need to acknowledge they exist and accept the possibility that they are self-generated. You might start by asking some of the following:

- What are the assumptions that you are making?

- What would it look like if you were to give yourself control or influence over your boundaries?

- What is holding you back from doing so?

- What would it look like if imagined an existence without such boundaries? What truly matters to you?

- What would be the consequences of pursuing that path?

- What would being fully fulfilled feel like to you? And only then, what could you do to get there?

To break free from these constraints, consider the following techniques:

1. Start with the end point: Visualize your aspirations without restrictions, focusing on what

truly matters to you. What would make you feel fulfilled? What activities bring you joy? How

would you spend your day? Only then consider how you can make that work within the

commitments (boundaries) you have.

2. Envision Your Ideal Future: Imagine a perfect day two years from now. Now generate four

more different versions of this ideal day. This will make you think more broadly about what

you enjoy.

Life is all too often short. We only have one and it deserves to be lived as fully as we can. We all have responsibilities, particularly as we age, and it is unrealistic to assume otherwise. But it is often ourselves who limit our possibilities, not others. Ask yourself what is it that you fear from taking back control.

These are all questions that you can work on yourself. However, it often helps to have an external perspective and sounding board. Reach out if you would like to explore this conversation with me.

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