“I’m straight and/or cisgender, what can I do for Pride?”
As a straight and/or cisgender person, being an ally is one of the best ways to celebrate Pride! Being an LGBTQIA+ ally means helping to create inclusive spaces where everyone feels welcome and free to be themselves; practicing active, respectful, and helpful allyship is critical.
In the very wise words of author and activist Aubrey Gordon, “you don’t get to decide if you’re an ally to a community. THEY get to decide.” At its core, being an ally is not about your feelings, it is about your actions. If you’re wondering where to get started or how to be more active and helpful in your allyship, you’re already on the right track. There are so many things we can all do to be respectful, active, and helpful allies to the LGBTQIA+ community; these are just a few suggestions.
Educate yourself on LGBTQIA+ history and activism
Each part of the LGBTQIA+ community has a history all its own, and there are so many resources to help you learn more about them and specific actions you can take to further your education.
- Stay up to date with current events surrounding the community. This will help you understand what the LGBTQIA+ community is facing and will lead you to more resources.
- Learn the terminology. The acronym is evolving to be ever more inclusive and so is the flag – understanding the meaning behind the colors of the flag(s) and the letters in the acronym will help you understand the inclusivity of the movement. Stonewall has a great glossary and FAQ section that can help with this.
- Do not expect members of the LGBTQIA+ community to do emotional labor for your benefit. There will be many times that you have questions, and that’s ok! We’re all learning. What’s important is to recognize that it is not the responsibility of the LGBTQIA+ people you know to relive their own trauma or validate their existence to answer those questions. This one can get tricky because there are people who won’t mind teaching or answering questions some or even most of the time. When in doubt, ask if you can ask! There are also times and/or places geared explicitly toward education; in those spaces, questions are expected and encouraged.
- Tip: Find LGBTQIA+ activists to follow on your preferred social media platforms. If you’re not sure where to begin, start with reputable organizations like Stonewall?and MyGWork. See whom they retweet and engage with and build your follows from there. Diversifying your social media feed is incredibly helpful and educational.
There are so many documentaries, podcasts, and books that can help you learn about the history of the community and the lived experiences of LGBTQIA+ people. This is a great list of resources; I can personally recommend every documentary here.
Get involved
One of the best things any ally can do is step back and listen to the community they want to help. I can guarantee that marginalized communities know EXACTLY what they need to make progress. Their activism represents years of work and learning. No one knows better than them what they need and where they need it. And once you’ve been told what’s needed, help in the way you are asked to help. If the community lets you know what they need from you, be the first in line to give exactly that.
- Center and boost activist voices. Be it online or off, there are plenty of brilliant, dedicated activists who think and speak brilliantly about their community, as well as next steps, past actions, and how current events and politics shape their world and approach. Listen to what they are saying, learn the lessons they so generously put out into the world and pay them whenever possible.
- Support LGBTQIA+ businesses, artists, authors panels, and events. You’ll see a lot of references to ‘rainbow capitalism’ and ‘rainbow-washing’ during Pride; that’s because a lot of major companies roll out public support for the LGBTQIA+ community during June and July when it’s more profitable to do so. There’s nothing inherently wrong with purchasing rainbow-themed goods, but it’s critical to recognize that buying a Pride-themed hamburger or lip balm from a global brand is not allyship in and of itself. There are so many LGBTQIA+ artists, authors, non-profits, bakers, speakers, and spaces to support, and as a bonus, many of them sell rainbow-themed goods all year long.
- Last but certainly not least, donate. What most queer spaces and causes need most is money. If you’re able to support them financially, please do so.
Do the work every day, not just during pride
Remember that being an active and respectful ally is a work job and not an honor job – it takes consistent effort. Being an ally does not just mean believing that the LGBTQIA+ community has a place in the world and should be treated with dignity and respect (though all those things are true and believing those things is the start of allyship!) It means recognizing your privilege and using it to dismantle the structures that provide that privilege in pursuit of equality and inclusion. These types of actions can take so many different forms it would be impossible to list them all, but some of the big ones are:
- Speak up. When you see or hear something that is harmful to the LGBTQIA+ community, speak up. This can include correcting someone when they misgender a co-worker. You can also speak up in ways that make your spaces more inclusive – this can include putting your pronouns in your LinkedIn bio and introducing yourself with your pronouns, using inclusive and gender-neutral language, and promoting diversity and inclusion in professional spaces.
- Tip: replace ‘Hey guys’ with ‘hey folks’ or ‘hi everyone’ in emails, meetings, and when addressing a crowd.
- Keep learning, keep educating yourself. It’s ok not to know everything, we’re all constantly learning. What’s critical is continuing to learn, grow, and support the communities in the specific ways and areas in which they ask for and welcome assistance. Being an active, helpful, respectful ally is not about perfection – it’s about showing up, learning from your mistakes, and continuing to grow.
- Speaking of mistakes. You will absolutely make them. It will be uncomfortable, and you will probably feel guilty and ashamed. Being an ally means accepting that you will make mistakes, accepting that you HAVE made a mistake when it happens, and taking the necessary steps to make amends and improve. If you misgender someone, apologize, correct yourself, and do better next time. When a member of the LGBTQIA+ community reaches out to tell you that you’ve made a mistake, they are trying to help you be a better ally! Accept it with grace and apologize for harm caused, however unintentionally.
Commit to doing better, and then do better. It’s not easy; there’s a lot we all must unlearn and wrestle with. It’s worth it. And when you’re ready to level up, there are some great resources here.
