Being accepting & loving.. A way towards satisfying life!

A few years back, at a certain point, I felt quite alone and distant from almost everyone who was a part of my life then. This time led me to ask what is love. Is it what I have experienced up till now or is it something different??

My quest to know this led me to an organization named Loving Life Foundation. I attended a few reflective sessions there and met who I refer to as my spiritual teacher/guide, Ms. Pratibha Malhotra. I found her as a living example of ‘love’. I learned from her how love is not just caring or being there for our close ones but, it is an essence that one carries through every step one takes during the day.. be it interacting with someone, doing any household chore, writing an email, talking to the helping staff, gardening, just anything.. and she was/is ‘it’ at all times. After some time, I was also led towards receiving Healing sessions from Energy Healers at the organization and these sessions helped me transform myself to become/be who I really was/am. It was the wholehearted presence & loving acceptance I received throughout that helped me feel safe and I could experience those aspects of me, that I wasn’t even aware of. There were some difficult and heavy experiences of the past that I realized had bent me towards being limited & fearful in some ways. But, now I experienced them all once again and could release the emotions that I had unconsciously blocked.?

Being able to feel non-judgmental acceptance through the sessions and inspiration to be as loving as my teacher, I felt a curiosity & eagerness to be so throughout my day.??I wanted to feel this lightness & acceptance throughout. Determined to be so, I started practicing a few things, which included..?

1.?Allowing myself to “feel” and not look for immediate resolutions:?I had observed this tendency in me that whenever I would feel upset or hurt, I used to try to make myself feel better immediately by doing something that I like or something to entertain myself. This was helpful in the short run, but was actually a result of the tendency of “feeling fearful of what might happen if I experience all that I really feel.”?

To move beyond this habit, I started sitting with my feelings. Even when it feels most hard to, I try not to distract myself, & rather pause and feel. In a way, it is like saying that “I am ready to feel whatever it is. It might be hard. But, I am there with myself and I am ready to learn to take care of myself”. The technique of EFT (Emotion Freedom Technique) has proven to be quite helpful during these moments.?

2.?Reducing the use of positive affirming statements:?Whenever a child falls down and starts crying, it is our instinctual response to say to the child – “You’re strong. You will be okay.” Similarly, I used to also tell myself often “I am strong. I am worthy. I am capable” and similar statements. These proved to be helpful in calming me down on many occasions but I noticed that saying this over and over again was actually keeping me in a childlike illusionary state where a child needs continuous assurance from his/her elders that he/she is okay & is doing all right. It was not letting me see the pain that I would feel when I fail at something and was creating an imagined fear that I won’t be able to deal with failure, that I have to do it all well always. So, now I started observing the hurt or pain I would feel on failing, falling, facing disappointments, etc. and the beauty of it was that I realized how pain and hurt are as natural as happiness. The way you can’t be always in an elated state, similarly, you can’t remain in a state of pain. All emotions come and go on their own.?

3.?Allowing myself to feel anger:?As a child, we learn that it is not a good thing to throw tantrums and eventually I somehow imbibed that it is not okay to feel angry or express dissatisfaction. For many years, I tried to be so, and every time I wasn’t able to, I would feel upset with myself. But, as I could let myself free to feel however I was feeling, on many occasions I noticed myself feeling really angry, and it was a revelation for me about myself. Though I am still learning to express it, it is really freeing to be real and not portray a false image by staying mum when you want to share what you need to.

Though my journey of learning to be accepting & loving is still continuing, what I have started experiencing is that when you learn to wholeheartedly love yourself, you start feeling so for everyone else around. It’s interesting & humbling to experience how now the natural tendency of the mind to find faults in people or situations has reduced. Though it notices aberrations, it doesn’t feel the need to think about it or analyze or blame anyone for long. Instead, you automatically shift your focus toward a solution or try to put an effort towards improving the situation at hand, if required.?

All these things, have truly improved the quality of my life and have increased my level of satisfaction with what my life is! Hope this helps you too..?

Thank you