Being a 50-Year-Wise(ish) Wife, Mother, and Leader: The Relentless Battle of Time and Expectations

?‘I, Elena, take you, Paul, to be my lawful husband [and not just my husband-to-be]. For better or for worse, for richer or poorer. Whether or not you notice the dust around the house, whether or not you drive me nuts with your logic... whether...’

‘I, Paul, take you, Elena, to be my lawful wife. For better or worse, for richer or poorer. Whether or not you actually load the dishwasher, whether or not you park the car on the gravel instead of the driveway... whether...’

2024 marks a defining milestone for me. I’m now 50, newly married after 23 years together (yes! We got married at last), raising a 15-year-old, and navigating the brutal battlefield of senior leadership. Our marriage didn’t come with rose-tinted glasses; it’s built on decades of compromise, conflict resolution, and the hardest balancing act of all: that of Time.

Leadership demands excellence. You’re expected to juggle a million priorities without missing a beat. You’re judged not only on your professional success, but also on your personal life. Are you smashing glass ceilings and hitting every target at work? ?And at the same time, are you the perfect mother? A doting wife? Is your house immaculate? It’s impossible to do it all perfectly. Impossible to juggle without help. Definitely impossible without smashing outdated gender roles and reclaiming your time.

The truth? My husband and I negotiate everything: careers, childcare, household responsibilities. We’ve redefined what family means in the 21st century, and it’s messy. Two successful careers, a teenager with GCSEs, aging parents in different countries—it’s survival, not perfection. Forget being a Stepford wife—I’m not here to be perfect. I’m here to be real.

Senior leadership is brutal. It’s stressful, chaotic, and relentless. The balancing act is never truly balanced, and you will be judged for your choices, especially by those closest to you. I had to unlearn the expectations I grew up with—the idea that I had to be the perfect wife, mother, homemaker. Even now, my mother expects a spotless house, home-cooked meals, and flawless support for my son’s education. But I refuse to be crushed by those expectations. I’ve redefined my life, my choices, and I stand by them—even when the world says I should feel guilty.

It’s no surprise that many of my friends in senior leadership have redefined their family dynamics too. Stay-at-home dads? Absolutely. Unconventional roles? A necessity. Society may judge, but the harshest critics are often other women. It’s time to celebrate families that break stereotypes and build structures that work for ‘them’.

Let’s not sugarcoat it: being a leader, a mother, a wife, and a friend, while battling the hurricane of menopause, is extreme. The stress, brain fog, and physical toll—all while maintaining a high-powered career—is overwhelming. It’s unkind. For the past four years, I’ve fought migraines, emotional rollercoasters, and the feeling that my body is betraying me. Menopause is still treated like a shameful secret, but we need to talk about it. We need to normalize it.

And let’s face it: managing a dual-career household requires more than splitting dishwasher duties. It’s about real partnership—tackling power dynamics, discussing fears, and managing expectations. Many women don’t have that kind of support from their partners—I’ve seen it too often. Emotional and logistical support is essential for navigating life’s chaos. I’m lucky to have a husband who values my career as much as his own and understands that compromise isn’t a dirty word.

As I enter my 50s, I’m owning this era. Aging isn’t easy in a world obsessed with youth and appearance, but I’m embracing it. I’ve come to welcome the wisdom and mess that life brings. I am relentless in owning my time and my choices. Work, family, and friends—these are my pillars. They’ve given me purpose, strength, and clarity. They keep me grounded.

To the strong, resilient women reading this: Remember, we can rewrite the rules. It’s okay to challenge expectations, demand equality at home and in the workplace, and redefine what success looks like for ‘you’. The reality is, we can’t do it all—and we don’t have to. It’s time to drop the guilt, reject impossible standards, and embrace imperfection with pride. You don’t need to fit into any mould society tries to impose on you. Be ‘you’.

This is ‘our’ time. The next decade is ours to shape. Let’s do it unapologetically, together.