Behind the Smiles

How are you? I am fine, thanks

In the fast-paced world of work, where success is often equated with strength and composure, this common phrase is willfully accepted. ? Yet, beneath this veneer of assurance, so many of us aren’t.

During a conversation with a fellow CEO over the weekend, she shared how lonely she was finding the role.? This is something that I’ve grappled with and speaking about our shared experiences made all the difference.??

So why do we pretend that all is well?

I struggled with early motherhood.? I didn’t feel that maternal rush for what felt like an eternity and there were days in those dark first weeks when I just wanted to walk away.? The joyous images in magazines and folklore about blissful motherhood were a million miles from how I felt.? Not feeling that I could express myself was so damaging and prolonged the recovery.? Yet even as I write this, part of me is thinking, ‘Don’t share this Christine.? You’ll be judged negatively.’? Is that what holds us back?

The Harm of Concealment

The act of concealing our true feelings is more than just a social nicety; it is a psychological burden. When we suppress our emotions, we engage in a form of emotional labour that depletes our mental and emotional resources.? When we consistently present a false front, we risk losing touch with our true selves, leading to a sense of emptiness and disconnection.

In contrast, being open and honest about our feelings can have significant benefits. From a personal standpoint, I have found expressing my true emotions to be incredibly liberating. My most poignant memory of doing this was while I was on the School for Social Entrepreneurs Start Up programme.? During one of our sessions, I opened up about how overworked, overwhelmed and exhausted I felt.? The freedom that I felt from discarding the false front was immense.? Articulating my challenges and acknowledging their validity became a crucial step towards managing and overcoming them.

The Impact on Others

If I can’t convince you of the personal benefits then consider the positive team ones.??

“When teams have supportive environments where members share their feelings and empathetically respond to each other, they can increase their ability to solve problems, elaborate information, and generate ideas.” research from Wharton management professor Michael Parke showed.

Furthermore, I have found that being honest serves as a powerful form of leadership. It humanises you, making you more relatable and approachable. I am a great believer that leaders who share their vulnerabilities can inspire their teams, demonstrating that it is acceptable to experience and express a range of emotions.?

Conclusion

Of course I’m not advocating that you vomit your inner thoughts to everyone.? There is a time and a place!

That said, the irony of "I'm fine," is a poignant reminder of the disconnect between our internal and external worlds. By prioritising honesty and emotional expression, we can mitigate the psychological harm of burying our troubles, fostering a more supportive and authentic work environment for ourselves and those around us.?

So next time that you feel those words bubbling up, consider if they really represent what lies behind your smile and, if not, speak your truth.? I promise you, you won’t regret it.?