Behind the Mask

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it” – Alan Moore

In 1957, a group of monks needed to relocate a giant clay statue from to a new location, since their monastery was being relocated to make room for a highway. When the crane lifted the massive statue, the weight of it was so tremendous that it began to crack. The head monk, who was concerned about damaging the sacred statue, decided to lower the it back to the ground and cover it with a large canvas tarp to protect it from the coming rain.

Later that evening the monk went to check on the statue. He shined his flashlight under the tarp to see if it was staying dry and noticed a gleam of light shining through the crack in the clay. As he took a closer look, he wondered if there might be something underneath the clay. He ran to wake the other monks. With a chisel and hammer in hand, the monks began to carefully chip away the thick clay from the statue. As they knocked off shards of clay, the little gleam grew brighter and bigger. After hours of chiseling, the monks stepped back and stared in awe at the sight before them.

There, in front of the monks, stood a solid golden statue.

Historians believe Thai monks had covered the statue with clay several hundred years earlier. After realizing the Burmese army would soon attack their country, these monks covered their precious golden statue with an outer covering of clay in order to keep their treasure from being looted by the Burmese. Unfortunately, all the monks were killed in the attack, but their well-kept secret of the golden statue remained intact until its discovery in 1957.

Our story is similar. We are reminded that underneath our thick layers of clay, there lies a beautiful and magnificent Golden Statue, the “Real You”, just waiting to be discovered and celebrated. Initially to protect our treasure, we build an outer layer of clay. Over the years, we unconsciously slather more layers of clay with our limited beliefs, superior ego, patterns, and life experiences, continuing to endure a lifetime of suffering.

Masking - Self Inflicted

A process in which an individual changes or "masks" their natural personality to conform to social pressures and situations.

Many people wear masks in the real world and in the workplace for many different reasons. Wearing a mask typically, means that when the person is aware someone is watching them, they tend to wear a different colored mask and not act like their normal selves.

Masking can be strongly influenced by environmental factors such as authoritarian parents, rejection, emotional or physical abuse. An individual may not even know he or she is wearing a mask because it is a behavior that can take many forms.

Masking has evolved and is now defined as concealing one's emotion by portraying another emotion. It is mostly used to conceal a negative emotion (usually sadness, frustration, and anger) with a positive emotion.

Different Shapes and Sizes. What mask do you wear? 

Imagine, for just a moment, a world where no one cared what car you drove, what designer handbag you carried, or what job you worked at. Can you sense the freedom?

However, this is not reality, because we do care. In addition, because we care we have developed habitual masks to please and impress others. We all wear masks.

There is a good chance; too, you change your masks so habitually you don’t even notice doing it. Maybe you have done it your entire life.

How do you feel about the face you are portraying for the world to see? Are you truly yourself? Do you feel that you can be you, no matter what social situation you are in?

Being Authentic - Why are we so afraid?

Even when our masks irritate our skin, and we cannot relax or be ourselves, we still resist change. This epic performance is a huge drain on our minds, bodies and souls. It is a hard act to constantly pretend to be, or feel like you need to be, someone else. Similarly, it is very draining to regularly act as if you feel one way when you really feel another.

Becoming authentic is a process to begin knowing ourselves. To understand our own personality traits, behaviors, values, beliefs, needs, goals and motives. It’s having the courage to acknowledge our limitations, and embrace our own vulnerability.

5 Masks We Wear and Why We Should Take Them Off

Below are five common masks we wear and keep tucked in our costume drawer. It is time to retire them.

1.    The “Positive” Persona Mask

Scrolling through social media you will have the urge to stand and clap wildly. What a performance. Wow. It is almost flawless. Almost.

People are all performing, all of the time. They pretend to have it all together, that everything is perfect.

There are many different types of Positive masks. Some of them pretend to be spiritual, some to be superficial confident, and the others to be overly friendly, and all these masks are usually wrapped in fake smiles. Show us your Imperfections. I Dare You.

2.    The “Macho” Persona Mask

I am amazed at how many people pretend to be strong even when everything is falling apart inside.

Coping with everything life throws is tough. From the outside, others seem to be holding it all together. Just like you. Just like me.

We juggle all our different roles, trying to be all things to all people.

Have you ever thought that perhaps they are not coping either? That maybe just like you, they are not always strong? Not everyone can be Schwarzenegger. You are not alone, you know. You do not have to be alone either, you know.

3.    The “Intellectual” Persona Mask

It’s pretty tempting to strut your own stuff. The problem is, it is obnoxious. We all want to feel special. Maybe teachers and parents praised you for being the “smart” kid in school, this praise felt great, and so you want to keep it coming.

Suddenly being “special” and “smart” is very important.

This need for validation continues into adulthood. This leads to what is known as “the imposter syndrome. It is the gnawing feeling of knowing deep inside you are not perfect or superior - because no one is - and this gnawing feeling makes you jumpy, as if you are always on the verge of being “found out.”

When we throw that mask away and no longer put so much emphasis on being “special,” we can taste freedom, we can just be whoever we actually are. We stop draining our energy maintaining this persona. Remember, Superiority is only an Illusion.

4.    The “Nice” Persona Mask

Like most people, I want to be liked by everyone. I am a people pleaser. I want to keep people around at all costs. And that cost, was sacrificing my own happiness to make others happy.

Many of us fear if we put our own needs first, we will alienate those around us and end up lonely.

We usually agree with others, would never dare say no, feel afraid to stand up to people, and are afraid of conflict. We often complain people are not treating us right or returning our own kindness, but then we would keep on giving anyway.

We become doormats. It is time to leave this and move on. We all need to appreciate ourselves and what we have to offer. Learn to say No. Take yourself off the “yes” autopilot.

5.    The “Grumpy” Persona Mask

Some people are just plain mean. Some people love to put other’s down and grumble through life like. Why? What purpose could this mask possibly bring, because we all know that at the core of most people are good person, not someone who is always grumpy and mean.

Macho behavior, bullying, and aggression are often attempts to protect the fragile self-esteem.

For whatever reason you have been hurt and this mask protects you from being embarrassed, hurt or rejected again. This mask is usually a sign that someone is lonely, scared, and fearful. But ironically wearing this mask only isolates you more from others. Stop projecting your own painful elements onto people. Really, you just need a big hug.

Imperfect Us

Do they love you or the mask you put on everyday? We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be. We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. Nothing is more real than the masks we make to show each other who we are.

Like icebergs, people normally expose only a small part of themselves, and generally, just the part they wish to show. People seldom change. Only their masks do. It is only our perception of them and the perception they have of themselves that actually change.

Why can’t we admit that we are imperfect? Our imperfections make us human, unique and relatable. I know you are not going to believe this, but I am far from perfect. Life is life, it will never be perfect. But exposing your true imperfect self opens you up to a world of deeper, meaningful, and supportive relationships.

Be an Authentic Human

Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing. The most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you are not. There will come a point in life, when we are sick and completely exhausted of all the masks we are juggling. For some it is when death is approaching, and at this time you realize the futility of the masks.

Innocence is not a weakness, it is a great strength. Masks are a sign of weakness.

Most of us can tell when we are in the presence of an authentic human being, one who isn’t “putting on a show,” they are just true to their humanness. This comfort is felt because in their presence, we can sense our own authenticity and we sense the deep peace this authenticity brings.

The following words titled “Behind the Mask” by Melissa Bernards, express what we go through in pretending and portray someone we are not, until we are consumed by the same and end up losing everything we ever imagined.

Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain, 

Hiding the tears that fall like rain.

Saying I'm fine when I'm anything but.

This ache in my soul rips at my gut.

My skin is on fire; I burn from within.

The calm on my face is an ongoing sin.

The world must stay out; I've built up a wall.

My fragile lie will collapse should it ever fall.

Loneliness consumes me; it eats away the years

Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.

Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask

And care enough to remove it, is that too much to ask?

You need to know that your persona or mask is not you. Unfortunately, if you wear it too often, you can lose track of your real personality behind it.

Yes, it serves an important purpose. And yes, you do act differently around different people in a variety of contexts. But for the most part, adopting a mask will make you feel bad, drain your energy, and prevent you from having genuine relationships with others.

We all have moments when our troubles feel big and our faith feels so small. We all get to the point too, when we cannot take another step. There is no shame in that, and you do not have to pretend to be strong.

Let those who love you carry you. Tell them what you need. Ask for help. See that as an act of courage — not of weakness. Because that is what it is. And your part? Open yourself up to love and support. Tell others your fears, hopes and hurts. You do not need to be stronger all the time. You do not need to pretend everything is okay. Throw that mask away and let others in. Show them the real you, the one Behind the Mask.