Behind The Bar: My journey through pub life and mental health struggles.

It was my dream to own my own pub which came to fruition when I bought the lease on the Geese in the bustling city of Brighton. I’d scraped the money together, did it up myself with the help of some friends and in September 2013 we opened.

Like many small business owners I was wearing many hats and juggling a few plates but thanks to my hard work and an incredible team we swiftly became a local favourite; famous for our bangers and mash and Sunday roasts.

It wasn’t a turn of a switch but rather an admission to myself that things weren’t right upstairs, I wasn’t happy and I knew that I’d been shuffling through life with a cloud of depression and anxiety looming overhead. I’d felt this way for as long as I can remember but the real epiphany was admitting it to myself. The next step was obvious, where can I get help.

Being brought up in the era of “pull your socks up” and “you’d better man up” meant that my impression of therapy was akin to admitting defeat, a sign of weakness and there were feelings from my childhood I just didn’t want to uncover.

My therapist was a lovely bloke called Giles and we started meeting in 2019, finally I could talk about all the pent up feelings and emotions I’d kept hidden for so many years. The epiphany for me was being able to be self reflective, I’d thought in the past that my problems were insignificant and that I was the problem. We made real progress and I finally felt I was moving in the right direction.

Then all hell broke loose. Lockdown. Isolation. The not knowing. Being alone at this time was tough, really tough, the media talking about “we’re in this together” whilst many of us felt more lonely than ever before.

So I rode my bike, everyday, trained hard, kept my fitness up and the pressure lifted, I even felt less stressed and as Miles put it - a release from responsibility. My partner fell pregnant and the future looked good personally if not so much in a business sense.

But then came the second wave. A tsunami of bullshit. I reopened enthused and ready to rebuild, to pay back my depts occurred during lockdown, I thought the country was on the same page but I was wrong. One thing after another meant my life was becoming a battleground, putting out fires everyday my mind in the fight or flight zone 24 hours a day. The energy costs meant despite being busy, I was working for nothing. And then I lost a dear friend, a beautiful young man who sadly took his own life.

Being publican was all I ever wanted to do and I was proud of what I had achieved but it was killing me. My business was thriving, we’d just won best local in the Bravo awards, my second son was on the way and I was dying inside. I didn’t like the person I was becoming, moaning, full of stress and anxiety and always waiting for the next battle to land on my desk.

So I sold up. I put the Geese on the market when we were top of our game. My plan was to build my coaching business but first I was going to be a full time Dad so my wife could rebuild her career.

Now I’m in the next step of rebuilding my life - the chasing the dream stage. My very first career plan was to be in design and that’s what I studied before moving towards the family business of pubs. So that’s where I’m at now, combining my love of design with the empathy and love I have for hospitality - and I’ve never been happier.

If you're running a pub and feeling isolated then reach out, it isn't a sign of weakness but strength. Incredible organisations like Licensed Trade Charity are there to help or drop me a DM, I love our industry but not all of us know just how tough it is running a pub.

Have a great weekend, and look in on that friend you lost touch with.

Rob.