“Behaviour Is Language-For Children and Adults”

We’ve all heard the saying, “A child’s behaviour is their language.” It’s how they communicate what they are thinking, feeling, or needing when words fail them. It’s how they respond to their environment and make sense of the world.

As adults, we recognize this truth in children, but how often do we apply it to ourselves—or the adults around us?

We often assume that just because someone looks like an adult, holds a certain degree, or has a prestigious career, they must also possess emotional intelligence and effective communication skills. But the truth is, age, academic credentials, and professional titles don’t determine emotional maturity.

The “Karen” Effect

Take the stereotype of the “Karen.” While it has become a pop culture phenomenon often used to describe entitled or aggressive behaviour, what it really highlights is a lack of emotional regulation. These behaviours—escalating small inconveniences into major conflicts, demanding authority in inappropriate ways, or lashing out in public—are often rooted in deeper insecurities or unaddressed emotions.

It’s easy to mock or criticize, but if we dig deeper, we see that this behaviour is a language. It’s an expression of frustration, fear, or unmet needs. However, society rarely questions why someone who might seem accomplished or “put together” behaves this way.

This disconnect between external achievements and internal awareness is more common than we think.

Academics vs. Emotional Intelligence

The truth is, emotional intelligence isn’t something you learn in school or achieve with a degree. A person can graduate at the top of their class, land a high-powered job, and still struggle to handle stress, navigate conflict, or express their emotions in a healthy way.

Our upbringing, life experiences, and inner work—or lack thereof—are far greater indicators of emotional intelligence than academic success. Without addressing unresolved emotions or learning self-awareness, even the most “successful” individuals may rely on behaviours like blaming, controlling, or shutting down when under pressure.

Research shows that emotional intelligence plays a significant role in workplace performance. In fact, emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of job performance, and 90% of top performers at work have high EQ(passivesecrets.com). Furthermore, emotional intelligence is two times more predictive of performance than IQ, highlighting its crucial role in career success (td.org).

Behaviour Speaks Louder Than Words

Recently, while setting up for an event, I had an experience that reminded me of this truth. The point person at the venue became increasingly upset about every decision my team and I made. Her sharp tone and defensive energy created tension in the room.

On the surface, it was easy to assume she was just being difficult. But as I paused and tuned in, I realized she had a lot going on in her personal life. Her stress was spilling over into her behaviour, and it wasn’t really about us or our event.

Instead of reacting, I responded with empathy. I acknowledged her concerns, reassured her that we wanted to collaborate, and softened my own energy to shift the dynamic. By the end of the conversation, she felt heard, her energy softened, and we were able to work together productively.

Her behaviour wasn’t about the event—it was her way of expressing unspoken struggles.

Start Within: The Role of Self-Leadership

Emotional intelligence begins with self-leadership, and true feminine leadership starts within. Before you can understand or respond to someone else’s emotional dynamics, you first need to recognize and assess your own. Self-leadership is about taking ownership of your emotional state, responses, and actions—rather than allowing external circumstances to dictate them.

Self-leadership in a feminine context means cultivating a sense of self-awareness, intuition, and empathy—qualities that allow us to lead from a place of connection and understanding rather than control. It's about nurturing our own emotional landscape and learning to respond rather than react.

How in tune are you with your own emotions, triggers, and responses? To lead others with empathy and understanding, you must first practice self-leadership by becoming aware of your emotional patterns. This self-awareness creates the foundation for a healthier, more conscious response to others’ behaviours.

Start by considering where you fall on the emotional intelligence scale:

• Self-awareness: How well do you understand your own emotions and reactions in different situations?
• Self-regulation: When faced with stress or conflict, how well can you manage your emotions and avoid impulsive reactions?
• Empathy: How easily do you tune into the emotions and needs of others, especially when those emotions are unspoken or hidden?

If you’re unable to recognize these dynamics in yourself, you’ll likely struggle to identify them in others. But when you develop a deeper connection to your own emotions through self-leadership, you’ll be better equipped to notice subtle shifts in others' behaviours and respond with greater understanding.

Here are three ways to strengthen both your emotional intelligence and self-leadership, in alignment with feminine leadership principles:

1. Pause and reflect: When faced with a strong emotional reaction, take a step back. How are you feeling? What’s triggering you? This allows you to move from reaction to response, leading from a place of calm instead of chaos.
2. Develop empathy: Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. What might they be experiencing that you can’t see? This empathetic approach is essential to feminine leadership, which emphasizes compassion over criticism.
3. Respond with curiosity and compassion: Instead of reacting to someone’s behaviour, ask yourself what’s driving it and respond with empathy and understanding. This allows you to mediate situations productively without resorting to defensiveness.

The Disconnect Between Age and Maturity

Whether it’s a child throwing a tantrum or an adult acting out in frustration, behaviour is always a form of communication. And just like children, adults aren’t immune to unspoken needs or unhealed wounds.

Age, academics, or status don’t define emotional maturity. True growth comes from doing the inner work, building self-awareness, and learning to respond rather than react. As we practice self-leadership and develop our emotional intelligence, we step into our feminine leadership, guiding others with a nurturing yet strong presence.

As leaders, parents, and community members, we have a choice: to judge others for their behaviour or to seek the meaning behind it. When we choose the latter, we create opportunities for connection, understanding, and transformation.

So, the next time someone’s behaviour feels “off,” ask yourself: What are they really trying to say?

Why It Matters

Research supports the idea that emotional intelligence is a critical factor in leadership and workplace success. Emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of job performance, and 90% of top performers at work have high EQ (passivesecrets.com).

Embracing these principles can lead to more productive and harmonious workplaces, where understanding and collaboration thrive over defensiveness and control.