Behaviors Which Destroys Our Relationship

Our degree of stress and quality of life and level of happiness and success –comes from having great relationships with all the people in our lives, who have the power to affect these [ of impacting and/or shattering whatever we want and desire in life].

Y(Our) life depends on it – literally.

Our success, happiness, mental and emotional health and well-being – hangs on – how well we manage, nurture and qualitatively improve these critical relationships.

Having made many-many uncountable major mistakes in my parental, marital, business, professional, social relationships – I have identified the following relationship breakers.

Many of these behaviors, actions, attitudes and emotional-n-mental-get-up – are those we practice sub-consciously.

Some of these are definitely applicable only in the romantic/marital relationships – but – majorly most of them are applicable to all the relationships – that we may have.

Again - when I say relationship these are only with those major stakeholder of your life – who can make or break you emotion, physically and maybe financially and otherwise too.

As a Professional Counselor - I find couples who come for therapy with their relationship dying a slowly and painfully.

This article is only meant for self-corrections and not prove how wrong the others are and to identify the ways you may be hindering communication with others - without realizing it.

All the points are self-explanatory – but – those with *mark throughout this article MEANS that there is a detailed Do-it-Yourself Blog [like all my other article in the DIY Blog section – from the Heart of Subhashis in Success Unlimited Mantra].

What you need to do is – introspect either Self or can take support and help of an emotionally balanced objective person => to help you realize what and where in YOUR CRUCIAL RELATIONSHIP [which is not working] – you are using these behaviors.

Although you may use this information to identify a dysfunctional relationship – please seek help of a professional – for solutions.

35 Causes why our relationships become BIG PAIN in you know where all

1.      Denial and Acceptance of your own role in the situation

2.     Refusal to admit your own fault

3.     Deflecting complaints back to the other person

4.     Gaslighting – this phrase is although used in connection with narcists – this is something that someone does or say[as well as doesn't do or doesn't say] – which makes you angry . Gaslighting is more complex than simply denying or lying (those are two foundational points, though)

5.     Stonewalling intentionally refusing to give i8ndication of listening or giving feedback what another person saying

6.     You dismiss their concerns

7.     Showing Disinterest in Their Ideas

8.    Pointless Criticism* – for hurting someone OR to just vent our frustrations OR To boost our ego

9.     Incessant Complaining*

10. Bribing to get something at the cost of other's rightful needs

11.  Not offering help when others need it

12. Being indifferent to other person

13. Accusations

14. Blaming

15. Faultfinding

16. Using negative labels to attack character

17.  Just walking-out – when someone important is trying to express, complain, share etc

18. Contempt 

19. Lack of respect

20. Attitude of looking down at others

21. Name-calling

22. Put-downs

23. Sarcasm

24. Cynicism

25. Swearing

26. Rolling of the eyes

27. Mockery

28. Hostile humor

29. Disgust

30. Provocation

31. Threatening

32. Using silence to control

33. Ignoring other's needs, wants and desires

34. Using your power to suppress others feelings

35. Disregarding other's feelings

76 ways on How the marriages dis-integrate – MANY POINTS HERE too are applicable in other types of relationship

In many marital relationships – big things seldom are the cause of break-ups – rather the small, unnoticed things that make their way in and start destroying – what could have been a wonderful relationship.

1.      Not recognizing that – this relationship needs to be given priority

2.     Getting pulled down by the demands of your family members – which reaches unhealthy levels

3.     Lack of Communication and expressing themselves

4.     Lack of Personal-space

5.     Lack focused-being-together-time

6.     Stress because of financial issues, professional turbulence etc

7.     Psychological and emotional baggage from other relationships

8.    Not recognizing that your marriage is not about You vs. Him/Her – It is about We vs. Me

9.     Being Unforgiving by holding on to our hurts for a very long time. Forgiveness is not about excusing the other person - it’s about freeing ourselves to heal and live

10. Not having healthy boundaries* or having very Loose Boundaries:

11.  Holding on to other's Past mistakes

12. Dishonesty, lying, infidelity   

13. Ego because of personal insecurities – due to feeling inferior to your spouse/romantic partner

14. Trying punish her/him

15. Giving Silent Treatment to hurt other deliberately

16. Keeping MUM to avoid addressing issues openly - Expressing yourself to your partner — especially when there's a conflict — is crucial

17.  Not seeking help from your partner during your personal crisis - healthy couples allow their stress to pull them together, by relying on each other, sharing it with one another, and carrying the load together.

18. Not expressing your needs

19. Not explaining your feelings

20. Not seeking to resolve the misunderstanding

21. Ignoring the danger bells – till they become SIRENs and irreparable - for full read "Are You a Relationship Killer" in Success Unlimited Mantra DIY Blog Section - from the heart of Subhashis AND "How Marriages Disintegrates" in RelationshipandHappiness dot com