Behavior Management: Accelerating vs De-Escalating

Managing negative behaviors in school environments has become one of the more challenging aspects of leadership, teaching, and instruction for many in the K-12 field of education. These challenges are even more exacerbated by personnel shortages, insufficient management, and the lack of consistent, ongoing, and proper behavior intervention training for teachers, administrators and other staff members.

Current trends and views in student behavior management requires that school leaders and teachers move away from the punitive nature and consequences of inappropriate behavior to a more Restorative philosophy that seeks to build a relational connection with offending students that works to help them understand their negative actions while still giving them room to learn, grow and redeem themselves.

While many in and outside of the educational arena complain and often focus on negative student behaviors, there is growing evidence that teachers and other school staff members are struggling with the same conflicts and emotional disconnects as the students they are charged with educating and leading.

As a former school administrator, it has been my experience that some of the behavior problems I've had to mitigate with students were actually initiated by inappropriate actions by teachers or other school staff. I've found that frustrations and conflicts from a variety of issues often becomes the triggering mechanisms for many of the negative interactions and behaviors between students and their peers, but even more so, between teachers, other staff members, and students. How then, does a teacher and student begin to explore a restorative behavior framework in this type of environment? The answer is they can't, unless certain skill sets are introduced, practiced, and used consistently.

Where do we Begin?

One must first begin with at least a basic understanding of how the brain works, but even more importantly, how the brain of a child and adult should differ. Every professional development session on classroom management or instruction should begin with a review or a deep dive into the workings of the brain and how it relates to every facet of educating, teaching, and developing learner pathways for teachers and students. This knowledge is critical in mapping how one moves forward in navigating, understanding, and planning how new learning, instruction, behavior expectations, and knowledge impacts a learner's brain.

From a behavioral perspective, the mistake made my many in education is to treat children like little adults when correcting or disciplining them as if their brains are fully formed and self-aware. If you have children or have raised children, you understand that what may work for one child will not necessarily work for another. Because of internal and external factors driven by various stages of brain development and personal experiences, there is rarely a cookie -cutter solution to negative behaviors by children or adults. We are all sums of our unique lived experiences, within us as well as outside of us. For example, one may internally feel threatened or under imminent harm even if no such threat is present or real. The key factor is that the individual believes the threat or danger is real. This is especially problematic for young children and older youth who are devoid of life lessons and extensive knowledge bases to draw from. At this stage in their lives, they rely mainly on cues from their limbic brain system which houses emotions that generate a "Fight, Flight or Freeze" response.

As adults, we are impacted (negatively and positively) by these same cues, but have the advantage of a hopefully, fully functioning and advanced cerebral cortex that allows us to think through and problem solve more aptly using our knowledge bases and lived experiences. This allows most adults to have more control of their emotions and act more rationally. Of course, we are all human with varying degrees of self-control. As a result, one may not always be the voice of reason or that rational thinking self-aware being because of one's emotions.

Scientists agree that at birth the development of the brains of boys and girls differ and eventually catch up with each other. However, scientists also say that men and women mature and think differently. What factors contribute to this? According to many brain scientists and psychologists, the ages of 25 to 30 are the age ranges the brain should reach full maturity. The lived experiences up to these age parameters, environments, and genetics are some of the key facets of how men and women learn to think and respond differently.

"The bottom line is that we need to turn the light on to the fact that we parent, educate, and generally?treat our boys and girls differently. This is a global issue, not just an American one," says psychologist?Teodora Pavkovic.?(Nicole Spector-NBC News-2018 from " Why Boys are more likely to be Violent and what we can do to stop it")

Consequently, I submit that if your school or district is not focusing on mentoring and developing conflict resolution classes for your male students, then your school or school leadership will continue to struggle with curbing negative male student behaviors. All students need to be taught how to consistently control their behaviors or learn from their actions by receiving training and practice that helps them develop coping mechanisms to assist them in managing their inappropriate behaviors.

Brain science and research, makes it evident and imperative that we in the education community seriously re-examine school behavior policies as well as rethink how the consequences of these policies impact students who are unable to effectively process and control their emotions and actions. Yes, misbehaving students should have consequences, but if we only seek to only punish and not redeem, reclaim or restore them, we are only planting seeds for further negative behaviors.

As leaders, educators and advocates we must work to change mindsets as well as create continuous and consistent opportunities for repairing student and teacher relationships when conflicts do occur. A constantly misbehaving student will often be at odds with their teacher or teachers the entire school year unless some efforts are made (along with the parent's assistance) to rebuild the relationship. Teachers or other staff members can't restore relationships with students that feel the teacher or staff member doesn't like or respect them. The reverse is also true for teachers and staff members as well.

School leadership must invest in more than just a cursory one- or two-hour workshop here and there about behavior management during professional development sessions. They must focus on a robust and ongoing weekly or daily (if necessary) commitment to behavior management that focuses on relationship building, mentoring, and the development of a more empathetic understanding of what students, parents, and teachers are going through.

Accelerating vs De-Escalating

If you happened to walk into your kitchen and noticed a raging fire, would you pour gasoline on it or would you try to find a way to put it out using some other method. Common sense tells us that of course you wouldn't use gasoline!

Unfortunately, sometimes as leaders, educators, other staff members, and parents we let our anger and frustration become the gasoline when interacting with negative behaviors. I've been there and I've done that. However, as I became more experienced and aware of better ways to manage inappropriate behaviors, my relationships with those exhibiting negative behaviors took on a more positive mentor-mentee nature as well as greatly reduced my stress levels.

Ultimately, for conflicts between teachers and students or students and fellow peers, the aggressive tone and body language of all parties can easily turn a simple matter or misunderstanding into a larger problem. It is crucial that teachers and staff understand that they must de-escalate a volatile situation with a student or class by first checking their own body language and tone. Secondly, the teacher or staff member must take on the role of a facilitator charged with the task of bringing everyone's (including their own) emotions under control.

According to the CPI (Crisis Prevention Institute, 2016) the following are key De-Escalation techniques that can be applied in almost any situation:

1."Be empathic and non-judgmental.

2. Respect personal space

3.Use nonthreatening nonverbals (No finger pointing)

4. Avoid overreacting.

5. Focus on feelings (Listen closely and acknowledge student's feelings)

6.Ignore challenging questions. (Avoids escalating the conflict)

7. Set Limits

8. Choose wisely what you insist upon.

9. Allow silence for reflection (Critical in defusing emotions)

10.Allow time for decisions (https:// crisisprevention.com)

In addition to the above suggestions, I would recommend, particularly during the silence and reflection period, allowing offending students, especially those with learning, attention, and impulse control challenges or deficits , an opportunity to access their sensory mechanisms: let them use their hands ,eyes, nose, and ears by creating an environment offering visual, auditory, smell, and kinetic stimulations like puzzles, scented air fresheners, books, music (smooth jazz/ classical), coloring books, pictures, magazines, writing journals, etc. which helps students calm their anxieties or emotions. Avoid using computers or laptops in these types of settings if you really want students to connect with de-escalating their emotions. These sensory mechanisms work to help buffer and refocus students having trouble calming down or communicating the "why" of their behaviors as well as makes them more receptive to listening once these distractors have affected their emotional mindsets.

We must train educators, staff, and school leaders to see and treat behavior management like any other subject area that's taught. Classroom behavior rules can't just be a poster on the wall or room decoration but a living framework and standard that must be met daily. It must be a part of each student's consistent and daily curriculum and not used just as a weapon or addon consideration or activity when students misbehave. Just as teachers use manipulatives to help students learn math, teachers and school leaders must also develop the same type of abstract to concreate frameworks for developing ongoing relationships, interventions, and understandings for those students who struggle controlling their behaviors.

''Behavior management is not about kids it's about the adults."

- Dr. Lori Desautels, Author and Assistant Professor, Butler University