There is NO Behavior That is Maladaptive!!

In light of all the trauma and brokenness ... we are going to be challenged with escalating behaviors of our students carrying in significant amounts of pain and hurt... Two viruses at one time layering on top of the trauma that is already present! I will be sharing a new lens of discipline throughout this summer and fall with this premise!!!

Brain Aligned Relational Discipline

PURPOSE/ WHY

How we are attended to shapes the relational moment and possibilities in our lives! In other words, attention changes what we focus upon and is intimately sensed by those within our focus. When we attend to a disorder, a disability, a disturbance, our students intuit this perception. It calls forth that disorder, disturbance, that developing identity that subconsciously whispers, “something is wrong with me.” Being perceived as having a disorder, a behavioral challenge, a liar, a troublemaker, an addict, an alcoholic or a variance of any kind says… there is something wrong that needs to be fixed! This creates further separation in the possibility of relationships and feels disrespectful! There is a felt sense of judgment and disconnection! Kids and adults in stress already believe they are damaged goods... It is the labeling and identifying a diagnosis that disrupts and robs the fragile ground of much needed safety!

1. The change must first come from the adult who has taken the time to calm his/her nervous system. This adult perceptual shift has a critical and profound impact on how a child sees and interprets their experiences and themselves affecting the ways they are able to move into relationship with others and us!

2. Before behaviors can change, we need to understand what rests in the underbelly of these behaviors… the lived embodied experiences of children that would make you weep!! This calls us to co-regulate with a student releasing those embodied emotions that spark the flame of disruption, violence, shut down or defiance.

3. Instead of asking, “What are the consequences, we must begin to ask, “What experiences will help this child to learn a better way, find a solution, or see viable options.” What experiences will build connection, autonomy, and a sense of purpose that feels meaningful and relevant to the child or youth?

4. Co-regulation calls us to find a safe and connected space to attend to the sensory needs before words are expressed or heard. A child or youth coming from a survival brain state, does not hear consequences, rewards, logic or stickers.

5. Co-regulation calls us to facilitate the planning actions of repair and healing when both child and adult are in calm and regulated brain and body states.

More to follow in the new book! "Connections Over Compliance, Rewiring Our Perceptions of Discipline!"