Behavior Change IRL: Access the Deeper Pools of Motivation
Dennis Adsit
Coach for Extraordinary First 100 Days Transitions, Building High-Performing Teams, Nudging Cultures
This is the seventh installment in my series on Behavior Change in Real Life.
Here are the other links:
This series is exploring all the approaches to behavior change I have encountered and leveraged in fifty years of individual and organizational work.
Access the Deeper Pools of Motivation
With organizational work, if a change effort bogs down, OD practitioners will often ask “Is the slowdown due to “Hill, Skill, or Will?”??
“Hill” refers to the difficulty of the change in question.? How hard is it?? How much effort has to be put in to make progress?? And can we do anything to make the climb less steep??
Answers here often come down to some of the environmental manipulations I talked about in Section III: Align the External Environment So It's Right…for You.? Making the right behaviors easier and the wrong behaviors harder can help, by, for example, reducing friction or delaying or eliminating less essential priorities.?
Not having the needed “Skills” can stop an organizational change effort in its tracks. In Section II. Focus on Both the Destination and the Journey, we talked about breaking the destination into sub-steps and skill-building the steps as needed. As I have mentioned before, some of the popular books on behavior change gloss over the fact that clients often need to develop skills along the way.
If what is bogging down the change is not “hill” or “skill,” then “will” or motivation may be the culprit.? The task is doable. The team has the skills to do what is being asked.? They just aren’t doing it.??
Section III on Aligning the External Environment So It’s Right…for You also included plenty of ways to shape the environment to maintain and even increase motivation.? I talked about environmental manipulations that create motivation such as social and non-social reinforcement, making your actual performance and performance trends visible through video and charting, leveraging the power of groups, etc.
But the need for motivation and will power is a two-problem problem.?
But the need for motivation and will power is a two-problem problem.? Like the fuel used when driving, your motivation is constantly being tapped on the way to your goal.?
You need motivation/will to carefully define the outcome, will to break the outcome into steps, will to go backwards and do the needed skill-building, will to get the external environment working for you, will to monitor and work with negative thoughts that might hound you, will to try the new behavior as opposed to falling back on inveterate tendencies, will to get back on the wagon when you have fallen off.
The second problem with will power is that despite needing it all the time, it is a finite resource.? If you are constantly making decisions, whether generally just throughout the course of your day or specifically with respect to your goal, the well-researched decision fatigue can set in, and it gets harder and harder to make decisions aligned with your objective.??
If you are trying to accomplish a significant change, not paying attention to the energy, drive, and motivation that sustains the effort to reach the goal is bringing knives to a gunfight.
In this section:
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Plug the Energy Leaks?
In a letter to his troops on March 6, 1944, General George Patton wrote, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.? Men in condition do not tire [and run away].”??
I already mentioned “decision fatigue.”? It is hard to continually muster the will to make the right choices…going to the gym after work, speaking up in meetings despite fear, not speaking up when you know the right thing to do is to try to bring other voices out…if you are tired.
A lot of ink has been spilled on how we can show up rested and ready to rock and I am not going to try to add to that here.
However, if you are not consistently following through on assignments or are having trouble sustaining desired behaviors, it is prudent to look at energy leaks and fatigue levels.? Sleep, exercise, food choices, and regular access to your unique sources of rejuvenation are good places to start.
But an often-overlooked distinction is between real self-care and faux self-care.?
Pooja Lakshmin, a psychiatrist and the author of Real Self-Care , points out that many things that fall under the category of self-care…a 15 min walk in nature, a hot-stone massage, meditation, retail-therapy, etc…all feel good but might be salve for wounds that could have been prevented with real self-care.
She wants us thinking about self-care as something that is threaded through every single decision you make in your life.? Her book outlines work in four practice areas — setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, aligning your behavior with your values, and exercising power.
For example, one response to the exhaustion you might be feeling is to try to squeeze in even more…15 mins for a walk or yoga or meditation.? But even that can feel like another task to squeeze in, and squeezing-in-more-tasks is the orientation that got you to this exhausted state in the first place.
But an often-overlooked point here is the distinction between real self-care and faux self-care.?
Rather than close the barn door after the horse has escaped, real self-care might be setting a boundary with your boss by negotiating about the amount of work you take on, a boundary that includes giving you planned time to make it to yoga or less work in the evenings.
I like to tell my clients, “You’re a 5-lb bag” (flattering, I know).? That means your boss and others might get some say on which 5-lbs of apples they’d like to see go into the bag.? But 10 lbs of apples won’t fit.? And the boundary is: “5lb of apples go in the bag. Let's negotiate around which 5 lbs of apples will work best for both of us.”
If you find yourself thinking you deserve a reward or that you should be wedging in more fun, put some cycles into thinking about working upstream:? on setting boundaries, exercising power, and making sure your behavioral choices are aligned with you values.? That is the kind of self-care that might make some of that faux self-care less necessary.
Create New Identities, Especially More Mythic Ones
The part of Atomic Habits I particularly liked was the idea of building identity-based habits .? The thinking here is your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity and that identity was built up from thousands of choices.? The book goes on to describe how to build new identities with small wins and new habits.??
By connecting the person to myth or metaphor you ennoble that new identity.?
In this identity model of decision-making, when you hit a crossroads or choice point, ask three questions:?
With a new identity, you start to have thoughts like, “I am not the kind of person who doesn’t finish my workouts,” “The ‘best-listener-in-the-room’ would allow others to weigh in first here,” etc.??
Sub optimal behaviors against the backdrop of a new identity create cognitive dissonance , which has come up multiple times in these installments.?
The gap between espoused identity and behaviors inconsistent with that identity create tension and psychic pressure to get into alignment with who you say you are, like a beach ball pushed underwater that wants to pop to the surface.??
On the flip side, doing things consistent with the new identity creates cognitive consonance…congruence between our beliefs, behaviors, and values...which is an inner satisfaction that is is its own reward.
The use of archetypes, myth, and metaphor can turbo charge the power of this identity shift. By connecting the person to myth or metaphor you ennoble that new identity.
For example, a leader who wanted to think less linearly and more outside the box might be introduced to the Poet archetype .? Or a leader who needed to loosen up might be introduced to the Trickster archetype .? How would a poet frame this problem and the solution space?? What would a trickster bring to this interaction?
A leader I recently worked with was highly regarded for his knowledge of the science and competitive landscape that under girded the product offering.? He was often invited to meetings and valued for contributing along the lines of his expertise.?
This was all well and good, but the organization needed more “big tent” stakeholder alignment and evangelical leadership from someone in his role.
This was going to be a challenging change for him.? He was going to have to put down the work he loved and that he was recognized for, while he built his skills in the areas he was less comfortable with around the growing edge of his leadership (see also my article Miles Davis’ Sagacious Advice to Leaders ).
We decided the theme of our work together would be “From Soldier to Statesman.”?
It didn't hurt that he was French and was familiar with the path followed by Charles de Gaulle , but the From Soldier to Statesman metaphor deeply resonated for him.? It became almost a mantra, one that created pull towards the leader he needed to become.
Working to form a new identity and making decisions and taking action from that place is compelling.? For many the use of myth, metaphor, and mantra kicks that approach up a gear.
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Strengthen the Connection to your Future Self??
This paper is about behavior change IRL.? Well, here is a very real-life scenario you might be able to relate to.??
It is tougher to get around the court in the Seniors tennis league you are in.? You’re stiff and sore when you wake up. Injuries are harder to recover from.
You decide you have to work on your mobility and do more “pre-hab” exercises to help prevent strains so you can stay competitive.?
This is important to you and you’re determined to do this.? You work to get your environment right by blocking time on your calendar, setting out your gym clothes, and arranging to meet a buddy to work out in the morning to create some peer support/pressure.??
You are about to head out to the gym and you get a text from work saying someone needs something from you that will take you 30 mins to pull together.? They really need it and getting it now will enable other steps in the process to get done that will benefit others and the effort.??
You want to work out and you are committed to it and if you don’t go now, it won’t happen today due to your schedule.??
However, another part of you wants to be seen as “team first” and “dedicated”?by the people around you. You also like being helpful.? That is just who you are.??
What do you do?
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This scenario is hypothetical, but it is also downright prosaic.? People often struggle with making choices that benefit their long-term well-being because they tend to prioritize present rewards over future rewards.?
A recent book, “Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today,” explores the power of connecting with our future selves to nudge the choices we make today.?
The implication then is that to the extent we think of future self as “other,” we are less likely to exert effort (exercise, save money, eat healthy foods, etc) on future self’s behalf.
First, some background.? Psychology has a concept called the “inclusion of the other in the self.”?A highfalutin expression that describes how people we perceive as close to us (partner, children, family, close friends) are thought of as more “a part of ourselves” than strangers are.?
This feeling/perception has IRL implications as we are more likely to give money to or do things for people we feel are a part of us as opposed to strangers.? This makes complete sense, even without the fancy psychology term.
In social neuroscience studies, subjects are asked to think of themselves now and in the future, and then to think of a stranger now and in the future.? The results show that the brain activity in thinking about our future self is more similar to the brain activity of thinking of a total stranger.?
In plain English, this suggests we don’t think of our future self as our self at all. We think of our future self like we would think of a stranger.?
The implication then is that to the extent we think of future self as “other,” we are less likely to exert effort (exercise, save money, eat healthy foods, etc) on future self’s behalf.? The comedian Jerry Seinfeld even did a routine on this where he talked about the struggles between His Day Guy and His Night Guy.
If we can bridge this perceptual and psychological gap between our present and future selves so we start seeing future self as being “closer” to and more a part of our present self-identity, we can make those hard behavior choices today more aligned with the future self we are hoping to become.??
Your Future Self provides practical techniques and strategies to strengthen the bond with one's future self, such as visualization, writing letters to or from one’s future self.?
If this isn't enough, there are also dozens of "age progression" apps that allow you to picture what your future self might look like to strengthen this connection.
Connect to a Purpose. Dare I Say Love?
In Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning , he says, “Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how’.”? He was speaking to how those with a purpose were better able to survive the unspeakable atrocities they were seeing and experiencing in WWII concentration camps.
But connecting to purpose can have utility even when the situation is less extreme.?
A man spent a lifetime smoking, drinking and not exercising, until it, unsurprisingly, caught up with him.? He had a heart attack, a stent was put in, and he was told he could go another 10-15 years if he would, you guessed it, stop smoking and drinking and start exercising.??
And he changed.? Just like that.? Overnight.??Something almost unheard of in the world of behavior change.
How did he make such monumental changes after a lifetime of inveterate bad habits??
Connecting the behavior change to a more compelling, tangible purpose can sustain effort when it might otherwise wane.?
This is why company executives often read their vision/values statements every year and assess progress against them.?The vision statement is their intended purpose; the values statement their intended "how."
It is why the military and sports teams want you fighting/playing for the person next to you…who you care about and have feelings for…dare I say love…as opposed to something less personal and tangible such as national or school glory.
Whether you call it purpose or love, speaking of Jerry Seinfeld, there is a story I like about a response he had to something Howard Stern said in him in an interview:??
Howard Stern: “I thought, you know, it is possible to will yourself, maybe not to be the greatest in the world, but to certainly get what you want.”
Jerry Seinfeld: “I’m going to adjust your perspective a little bit. That was no will. What you were using, what Michael Jordan uses and what I use, is not will. It’s love. When you love something, it’s a bottomless pool of energy. That’s where the energy comes from. But you have to love it sincerely. Not because you’re going to make money from it, be famous, or get whatever you want to get. When you do it because you love it, then you can find yourself moving up and getting really good at something you wanted to be really good at. Will is like not eating dessert or something.? That’s just forcing yourself. You can’t force yourself to be what you want to make yourself into. You can love it. Love is endless. Will is finite.”
Don’t Be Afraid of Anger
We all have a past.
For most of us mere mortals, parts of that past, sometimes very large parts, were not pretty. There can be early childhood trauma. Many have PTSD from events in early adulthood.?
The hurts can also be more episodic.? Maybe it was a rejection from some person or some organization someone really wanted to be a part of.? Maybe a parent, a teacher, or a sports coach loaded them up with charming squibs like, “I didn’t think anyone could be as stupid as you.”? Or “I don’t want to be around quitters like you.” Or a life-long damnation like, “You’ll never amount to anything.”
"Chips on shoulders put chips in pockets."
While the anger and resentment that can result from past trauma and rejections might not be much fun to revisit,?they also can be fuel.? Jet fuel.
So many monumental accomplishments have been achieved by people with a burning desire to prove that a parent who withheld love, or a coach who put them down, or an organization who rejected them were wrong.
Venture Capitalist Josh Wolfe, co-founder of Lux Capital, is famous for his quip:? “Chips on shoulders put chips [money] in pockets.” ??
Anger is an e-motion, energy-in-motion.? No need to create it where it doesn’t exist, but don’t be afraid to look for it, and if it is there, see how it might be used.? As I keep saying, leverage any edge you can get your hands on.?
And anger can be a very powerful edge.
Conclusion: Access the Deeper Pools of Motivation??
Consequential behavior change is hard.?
Goal attainment is hard.?
It is usually a long haul, and a steady supply of high-quality fuel…physical and psychic…is needed to power the journey.?
Being well rested, connected to a purpose such that the details and dirty work and the grind don't bother you, having more of a connection with your future self, remaking your identity, and being just a little pissed-off can create deep, topped-off tanks for the long road.
In the next installment, I will talk about ways you can change the behavior change game you're playing .
Dennis Adsit, Ph.D. is the President of Adsum Insights and designer of The First 100 Days and Beyond , a consulting service for leaders in transition who need to get off to the best possible start in their new jobs.
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