A beginner's guide to being present #3: Intent

So far this month I have proposed 7As to improve our consciousness and how the contradictions surrounding our identity can affect how we think & feel. Today, I’m suggesting 7 ways we can be intentional to better improve our presence, maximize enjoyment in the moment and create positive memories. At Thanksgiving time for those of us in the USA and as we all approach the holiday season, there’s no better time to be present and appreciate all the good in our lives.

Mike Friday, Coach of the USA National Men’s Sevens Team recently shared a video of the team helping to build a house for a family in Mexico. The lads were wearing t-shirts that said: “Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” This resonated with me so I looked it up to find the source. It’s part of a longer quote from Melody Beattie, as follows:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

I bring this up as gratitude is a great anchor for both our identity and our intent, because it looks to find the positive in what we have, how we think, how we act. Gratitude is a frame of reference and a lens for viewing, experiencing and reflecting upon life.

So, with that said, here are 7 ways to be intentional about being present:

1. Thoughts: if your mind is racing and starting to conjure up negative thoughts, take a deep breath. Be aware of what you were thinking and try to reset your thoughts to focus on the facts of the situation, what you know to be true, not what you think might be the case. If you’re not sure, ask questions of those around you for more clarity. Keep your mind in the here and now, not making assumptions about things that may not be real.
2. Words: Words can help us create order to our thoughts. Reading, writing, poetry, blogging, journaling are all ways of helping do this. That’s why I post once per week, it helps me use my mind productively by trying to simplify complex things. Words obviously also make up what you say (both to yourself and others). So, words matter. While we all know that communication is perceived more through visual cues and tone than from content (i.e. what you say), content is still critical. If content represents say 10% of how we communicate, well, we better get it right. This is especially true if you are emailing / texting or (#oldschool reference #1) writing a letter, as there is no visual or tone (and no emoji's do not count)! Words are seeds from which opinions, ideas and concepts can flourish - both positive and negative. So reflect before you speak, choose your words carefully and base them in truth & gratitude. Use your words to be true to the best version of yourself.
3. Actions: if words demonstrate intent, actions represent reality. What you actually do and how you do it matters. Your actions define and demonstrate who you are to the world. Aligning your words and actions shows integrity. Your actions and reactions are the best indicator of how well you truly know yourself. So, being aware of your actions and grounding them in gratitude, helps you appreciate and show appreciation and kindness to others for the good in your life.
4. Feelings: if you find yourself feeling angry, jealous, anxious or scared, it is likely due to past memories and experiences, not necessarily an accurate reflection of the current moment. These feelings likely distract your attention away from the moment. Road rage is a good example - the anger takes your mind away from focusing on the road ahead of you, being distracted by the w**ker who just cut you up. Recognizing and being aware of these feelings in the moment, rather than being absorbed by then, is important. The awareness helps create separation and perspective and enables us to be intentional about investing our attention on the actual, rather than perceived reality; and if you're driving - it may also save your life!
5. Flow: as I have posted before, there’s no better incentive to invest our attention on the moment than to be in one that requires complete focus for success and enjoyment. Finding activities that fully absorb your time, energy & attention through simultaneous thought and action (or ideally instinct) are invigorating. Finding the balance between skill and challenge is the key to this. Snowboarding, skiing, gymnastics, rugby, motor biking, playing an instrument, drawing, acting- are all examples that work for some. What are the activities that put you in the zone?
6. Practice: practice may not make perfect but it certainly enables you to develop, improve and strive to be the best version of yourself. So, just like anything else, being present takes practice. Being aware of and practicing the themes above will be sure to help. What are other tactics that work? For example, when I last went to dinner with my wife we had a no phone policy (quite easy for me). We used a napkin and pen (#oldschool reference #2) to jot down any topics that we wanted to look up after dinner. We had 5. A lovely 2 hour dinner enjoying each other’s company was then followed by 30 mins of intrigue and entertainment as we embellished our knowledge.
7. Perseverance: perseverance is perhaps the primary virtue for us to exhibit to turn life’s challenges into opportunities. Consistently showing control and discipline to focus on the moment, to refrain from reacting negatively to other people’s actions and to save and express our emotions at the appropriate time, takes perseverance. Being aware of our thoughts vs reality requires perseverance. Accepting how we feel and not fighting it, requires perseverance. Showing interest and curiosity in someone’s opinion before defending an alternative point of view, requires perseverance.

We don’t have a choice but to be in the present moment. However, we can be intentional to make the most of it.

Enjoy your time with friends and family this Thanksgiving weekend. Test out a few of these tips and maybe you’ll enjoy it even more? Anything else that works- please let me know!

Like most things - being present - absorbing every experience in life to the fullest possible extent, requires practice. This month, I'm exploring consciousness, identity, intent and connection as four components in being more present. At Play Rugby USA and Vita Sports Partners our job is to inspire & empower young people to be present - to play what they see and develop the skills they need to make the best decisions they can in the moment. To learn more, please check out the websites and reach out to me to get involved!

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