Befriend Your Inner Critic

It is 4:47 a.m., and I’m sitting in front of my computer, beginning to write this article. After a few minutes of staring mindlessly at the screen and sipping coffee, I’m jolted back to consciousness. Wait. What was I thinking? Did I tell myself I have no good ideas to write about? That nobody cares what I have to say?

All it took was a few minutes of writer’s block, and I almost convinced myself I was a useless hack. How did that happen? My brain did what it does well. It manufactured reasons why I shouldn’t write the article. Remember, the brain’s primary purpose is to protect us, not to encourage us.

We all have self-critical conversations in our heads. Unfortunately, they’re not rare and never completely go away. They’re frequent and are often self-limiting, self-sabotaging, and usually fabricated.

However, rather than spending a lifetime trying to ignore or eliminate the inner critic, learning to befriend (keep an eye on) it is a more realistic approach.

As I have said before, what we resist, persists. The more we try to suppress something, the harder it tries to sink its fingernails into us.

Here are practical strategies to approach your inner critic.

• Develop mindfulness and self-awareness practices to observe your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions without judgment. Notice when your inner critic arises and how it affects your mood, attitude, and behavior. By cultivating self-awareness, you can distance yourself from the influence of your inner critic and choose more empowering perspectives.
• Challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs perpetuated by your inner critic. Question the validity of these thoughts and seek evidence to support or refute them. Replace negative self-talk with positive and realistic affirmations that promote self-acceptance and self-belief.
• Reframe failures and mistakes. Rather than seeking failures and errors as confirmations of your shortcomings, reframe them as opportunities for self-development, progress, and learning. Embrace the lessons and insights gained from these experiences and use them as stepping stones toward improvement.

Learning to manage your relationship with your inner critic is an ongoing process that requires patience and self-compassion. With time and practice, you can cultivate a more supportive and empowering internal dialogue that promotes self-acceptance and self-belief.

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