Befriend Your Brain.

Our brains are the living essence of our sense of self, our memory and motivation, our passions and perspectives. Yet, we often treat them poorly. We push them to their limits, demand they do the work of entire teams, and berate them when they falter.

But what if, instead, we treated our brains as treasured friends?

What if we recognized the enormous work they do every day, managing our thoughts and emotions, juggling countless processes, and getting us where we need to be, perfectly or not?

What if we really, truly got to know them?

Of course, befriending our brains is not easy. So many factors work against us and make building a relationship with our brains hard.

• It is made hard by go-go-go cultures that leave little time for truly getting to know ourselves, for quiet contemplation needed to make sense of our experience, and to get to know ourselves.
• It is made hard by every “should” we have repeatedly heard and internalized. ?
• It is made hard by the fear of flaws that drives us to hide or deny everything about ourselves that does not meet unrealistic expectations based on the streams of media filled with people who claim to be making millions every minute, look stunning, and never make mistakes. ??

I've let those obstacles hinder my friendship with my brain. I’ve done long, intense stretches of work that left me unsure of what day it was. I’ve called myself horrible names.

And I am trying to do better. I am trying to be a better friend to myself and my brain.

Here are the key ways that help: ?

Speaking Kindly to Ourselves. I used to call myself horrible names others have called me. All the time. Only in the last few years have I learned to offer myself words of encouragement and kindness rather than harsh criticism and judgment. Befriending our brains starts with the language we use internally. Yelling at ourselves for making a mistake will not help improve - it will likely harm us. But saying that it's OK to make mistakes, humbly learn from them, and move on,?helps us grow.

Rituals of Reflection. Many traditional cultures involve times of slowing down and reflecting, be it a morning ritual or an evening ritual, a tea ritual or journaling ritual. Finding a way to introspectively slow down to reflect on what worked (without the ego) and what did not (without self-flogging) helps us to get to know ourselves – and that is an important part of befriending ourselves. We need to know our friends.

Play. Friends play together. And we need to play at any age. ?Playing with our brains can take the form of no-judgement creativity. Experiment without judgment. Celebrate imperfection. Write an imperfect poem - as long as it speaks to you. Decorate an imperfect cake and take a photo of it. Build an imperfect sandcastle. Play can help us get reacquainted with the joy of imperfection. It can help us befriend our quirkiness. It can help us befriend who we are, and our brains.

Rest. Our friends need rest. We need rest. The world would try to guilt and scare us into not resting - don't let it. Just relax and enjoy. Your brain – your friend – will thank you.

Befriending our brains is about acknowledging their efforts, understanding their workings and their needs, and offering them the compassion and rest they need to thrive.

Friends don’t have to be perfect to be loved. Neither do our brains.        

NEWSLETTER ITEMS

??? FINAL DAYS OF 50% off BOOK HAUL: Until Sept. 2, my publisher, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, is participating in a Barnes and Noble book haul with 50% off The Canary Code: A Guide to Neurodiversity, Dignity, and Intersectional Belonging at Work. ?? Grab your first copy if you don't have one; ?? Grab your second copy - or one for your friend, your manager, or your HR, just in time for the fall; ?? Or take care of your Holiday gifting and cross it off your to-do list! (Free shipping within the US.)

???? Prefer listening? ??The Canary Code: A Guide to #Neurodiversity, Dignity, and Intersectional Belonging at Work is now available on audio via all major book retailers. Here is the Amazon link. ?The audio CD will be available in a few days, on Sept.2 in Europe and Asia, Sept. 3 in the US.

???? Interested in separating facts from fiction when it comes to one of the least understood neurotypes? Check out my myth-busting Fast Company article about supporting NVLD (Non-Verbal Learning Disorder/Disability/Difference) at work.

???? Check out the amazing @Dorie Clark’s newsletter based on my Newsweek interview with her.

?? My edited book, Evidence-Based Organizational Practices for Diversity, Inclusion, Belonging, and Equity, is now available in paperback at a 1/2 the price of the hardback!

?? This is the newsletter I meant to send out this week before the sad news on Thursday prompted a tribute to Steve Silberman.