Before you hire a 'Content Creator', think avocado.

It’s not often I post here, and even less often that I post directly about my business. This though is one tale I need to tell. If you’re paying to have video ‘content’ created, you should read this, and perhaps have a smile and enjoy. It’s long.

We are Filmmakers producing documentaries for some of the foremost broadcasters in the world, from little old Norfolk. You might even have seen our shows on Channel 4, History, Netflix, Amazon, Disney+, you get the idea. Google us. We're the biggest TV Production company in Ditchingham, Norfolk, population 463.

www.colemantelevision.com

Sometimes we make ‘content’ for some clients, occasionally a full corporate documentary, they can run into six figures. Occasionally we’ll do something fun for a client because we like them, and the product looks good for us, it’s fun so we’ll charge pennies. One or two of you have benefitted from that.

If you need video content, we’ll happily talk you through what we can do. Do me a favour though people. Stop Marrying the first girl who kisses you. Stop buying the first house the Estate Agent shows you. Stop buying Lamborghinis when you need a Range Rover.

Stop hiring ‘Content Producers’ without knowing what you want or what you are trying to achieve.

Today an old acquaintance, no more than that, emailed and asked if they could call for a chat.

Afterwards, I asked them if it would be okay to recount our conversation if I anonymised it. They were amused, grateful even, and said yes.

I don't want to say what they do, they hover between B2B and B2C. They’re pretty successful, still expanding. What they sell isn't essential, isn’t too expensive, has benefits and comes in different forms.

Let's make believe they sell Avocados, and they are called Ms X. Here’s how it went, I’ve skipped the small talk but it’s still a long old post.

Nik: So hows the avocado business?

X: Not bad, but we are just trying to widen things out, we sell individually which is good if people buy half a dozen, or if they buy some of our super special avocados. Most of our business is still wholesale and that's regular avocados. We take a lot of care of our avocados so we’re not in a price war with the big companies, but we lack visibility, we lack difference that people can see.

So we know we need to be on socials, on YouTube, Insta and all that with some video that shows just how special our avocados are.

Nik: Hows that gone?

X: Well we hired a Content Producer, because we couldn't find an agency who knew anything about avocados.

Nik: What an actual human?

X: Yup, ￡35,000 a year

Nik: ***k me that was a gamble! Any good?

X: Well not the first one.

Nik: The first one? Oh crap! (laughs).

X: Yeah we’ve got about a thousand photos of ***king avocados in a dozen locations and a load of clever straplines, plus a hundred photos of us being dicks in the office which…

Nik: If they’re the photos I'm looking at on Insta though, they do look good, but made you look like stylish dicks in the office (laughs)

X: How did you know. They did four months then started to tell me how to make the company more like our social posts. Then they started doing video, they’d previously worked for ————.

Nik: No shit, we used to shoot for them in the early days, they are good.

X: Yeah well when their wa**y clips didn't do anything for us, we had a row and they went back to ———

(Edit - I took a look at the remaining video clips - well shot, cleverly composed, quite nice, decent cinematography)

Nik: so what happened, what brought you to call me?

X: Well we hired an HR consultant to find a better Content Producer, that was a bit more expensive…

Nik: **ck me X, I should get into the avocado business, are you also driving a Ferrari? (Laughs)

X: This guy just wanted to do the same sh*t over again. I sent you their videos.

Nik: Nice content. Of avocados. Really nice.

X: Oh I thought you’d slag it off?

Nik: Nope, it’s nice. Whats the story?

X: What story.

Nik: The story, whats the story?

X: Not following you. We got loads of hits but nothing happened, views, likes, hits, whatever which is good, isn't it? ***k all happened, though. He left and went to Bahrain.

Nik: Jesus X, (laughs) have you heard of the concept of a freelance? (laughs) It’s just content for the sake of content. It’s nice, it looks pretty, I can see it, I can see all your lovely avocados, I see you as a company, I see you’re fun, but I just see it all and hear it all. I don't know anything new. It’s just content.

X: But it’s… oh crap should it have a voiceover or something? Everyone else said I should have content.

Nik: VO? Unlikely. That bloody word, “content”. When you used to do brochures, or on the website, what was in the B2C section?

X: Prices, descriptive stuff, the flavours of different avocados and where they come from. Nice pictures, and recipes. (Obviously I’ve adapted this for the sake of the story: Nik)

Nik: …and wholesale?

X: Well they know their avocados so it’s mainly about the company, history, how Dad started it then I took over.

Nik: How is your dad?

X: Still comes in he loves working in the warehouse, good as gold, he's waiting for a knee replacement.

Nik: So who wrote the copy?

X: Well we used to and the agency polished it up.

Nik: Did the agency tell you what to say about the avocados?

X: ***k no, what would they know?

Nik: So whats the story you’re telling in your content?

X: …oh b*ll*cks I see. (Long, long pause) B*ll*cks. (Even longer pause) My dad used to say ‘fur coat and no knickers’

Nik: Your Dad was right. You’ve had two ****ing expensive fur coats. Lovely looking coats, but when you take them off there’s nothing underneath. No story. Everything you do, your whole business is built on your story, or you wouldn't exist, because every supermarket sells avocados.

X: Oh bloody hell. I’ve p*ss*d that lot up the wall, haven't I?

Nik: Probably not. You’ve got some nice looking, grossly expensive footage we can work with, and you’re not going to be paying wages, holidays or National Insurance, so lets figure out what you are trying to say, and what it’s going to cost, which I can tell you isn’t ￡35,000 a year.

X: They had a company car as well (laughs)

Nik: My invoice just went up. Speak to you Friday, chin up, and don't bloody hire anyone in the meantime.

Nik Coleman 07778 963240 [email protected]