Before and After my Maternity Leave...

"You are going to be so bored, aren't you?"

This was a question from one of my younger, male colleagues on my last day in work before my Maternity Leave. I suppressed my laughter and answered simply "Oh, I'll try find a way to keep myself occupied..."

Then the best 8-months of my life started!

In keeping with my sales world, my daughter arrived one day after forecast, on the final day of the quarter... which was also Mother’s Day!

Life changed that day.

I changed that day!

However, I knew I wanted to continue my career even after becoming a Mother and did everything to mentally prepare myself for that.

Here is what I did:

1. Leaving a Legacy

There is a school of thought that states we are at our most productive just before we go on holidays. Well, before I left for my Maternity Leave, I was on hyper-productivity-mode! I wanted to leave with a sense of pride that I had done everything possible for business continuity... not solely out of a sense of duty, I had a selfish, ulterior motive: I did not want to be forgotten!

So, the handover to my successor was comprehensive and air-tight, I was the Exec Sponsor for a couple of final, high-priority deals, I waddled around the stage at FKOM 2019 and I wrapped-up two strategic projects for our EMEA North region.

2. Switch Off

I wish I could tell you that I found it hard to switch-off once I started my Mat Leave... but I didn't. #SorryNotSorry!

My job, the company, my colleagues... you were all a distant memory the moment I closed the car door that day! I blared some Led Zep all the way home and started 2-weeks of sheer indulgence whereby I slept-in every day, watched box-sets, ate ice-cream, walked my dogs, had date-nights with hubby, met the girls for brunch, and frequented every spa, salon and restaurant across Dublin!

When my baby girl arrived, this embrace did not stop. Despite the steep learning curve (breastfeeding Mama's, HOLLA!), the sleep deprivation, not to mention the physical and mental toll that being a FTM (=first time mama) does to you, I literally relished every single day. This is not nostalgia talking; this was a conscious, real-time decision to be grateful.

I was lucky, I know that: I didn't get PPD, my baby girl had no health issues, the birth was wonderful (any expectant mothers, I highly recommend reading 'The Positive Birth Book' by Milli Hill). I know this is not the case for many others.

However, my main driving force behind this carpe diem attitude was the fact that this period of my life would be over before I knew it! I would be back in work, my baby would be sleeping through the night and life would speed-up once again. Therefore, I didn't wish a single moment away... even when those moments were CRAZY! After 3 months (it's called the "fourth trimester" for a reason!), I felt like the best possible version of myself. The following 5 months were absolute bliss.

3. Eased back in

I did not even think about work until 6-weeks before I was due back. I started slowly: I checked the Twitter feed. Had a chat with my work pals. Had a scan of the emails. Then contacted my Boss, confirmed a return date and scheduled a meeting for the end of the month to learn the lay of the land.

I eased my baby girl into Creche too: we socialised at Gymborree and other baby-orientated meet-ups every week, and also I spent 2 weeks in the baby room with her and the amazing people in Giraffe Childcare in Celbridge.

By the time that "dreaded day" arrived, it wasn't a shock to the system. Ahem. It was nonetheless HORRIFIC!

Leaving my baby girl in the Creche on my first day back in work was traumatic! She was absolutely fine; she immediately started playing with another baby, the baby-room carer was lying on the floor with them singing and playing. And yet, I cried and cried and CRIED on the drive into work!

I somehow pulled myself together as I walked into the office and had my pal Ray Joyce ensure no-one put themselves in physical danger by asking questions like "Do you miss her so much?"

I guess there is no amount of preparation you can do to avoid that heartache. But at least it wasn't a shock, at least I had no regrets in regards my time off, at least I had the most supportive bosses and colleagues in the world, and I was self-aware enough to start back part-time (Mon to Weds).

4. Priorities and Perspective

Particularly since getting married 3 years ago, my husband & I always make sure we don't lose sight of the important things in life. We work to live; and no job is worth compromising your happiness or health for. I have rejected promotions in the past because I felt it would be too much of a leap for me professionally and it would be too much of a strain on my relationship. Again,I am under no illusion that this mentality is teetering on the edge of elitism... we are very lucky to even have these choices which we appreciate! We both work very hard, but we know the line.

This perspective has been magnified since our baby girl arrived!

I am all about productivity; quality over quantity of work. I'm not here to waste time; I know my key deliverables and every single moment of my day in the office contributes to those. This mentality is cascaded to my direct reports which demands a lot of maturity from them; a competency that will hopefully stand to them in the future.

Now, here's the rub: Despite all this prep and positivity, I'm still partial to "Imposter Syndrome" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQUxL4Jm1Lo)

Women are more susceptible of this in general... but women returning from Mat Leave, I believe even more so! There is a non-stop niggling fear that I am not doing enough, I don't know enough, I am simply not good enough!

I don't believe there is a quick solution to this. All I can do is the following:

1. Surround myself with inspiring, smart, creative people so that I learn every day.
2. Align with my mentors. They can give me advice when I need it, but also a confidence boost and a reminder that yes - often, I am absolutely good enough!
3. Make time. Family trip away, Hot Yoga, bootcamp, PJ day with my baby girl, movie night, getting nails done, reading a new book... whatever I need, I make time for so that I can continue to be the best possible version of ME!
4. I stay active in the SAP Business Women’s Network and the SAP Women 2 Watch program. Access to like-minded women in SAP is so encouraging and helpful, a simple reminder that we are all in this together.

Thank you for reading.

I would love to hear from other career Mama's! How are you coping? Any tips?

Also, any women or men who made the decision to take a career break after baby/babies arrived in order to focus on the home and family; I salute you, and would love to hear your experience!

?Comment below.