Becoming You: A Letter to My Younger Self

Dear Nadia,

You are probably wondering if you are the problem, constantly trying to fit in, being a drama queen even when unnecessary, and constantly hearing the same words from your school teachers, "Nadia can definitely do better."

Well, I have good news for you: you are not the problem! You are just a dreamer, a go-getter, and simply a young lady of many talents. I know, I know, you were not the best performer in school, and you are probably worried you may not be somebody in the future. But I’d like to tell you not to worry at all. You will be somebody, and not just to the public but to yourself. You will take care of yourself, plan your own life, and be answerable to yourself—God first, of course.

Nadia, I know you have a wonderful and extremely close relationship with Mum and you cannot even imagine a life without her. But Mum has taught and raised you well, and even though at some point in your life she will go to heaven, you will still be able to hold yourself together and continue building her legacy. Of course, grief will really kick your butt and emotionally you will be broken, but I promise you that it is the same grief that will fuel you to be great and somebody important in our society and continent as a whole.

Now, I know you have so many ideas about your career: from being a choreographer, a swimmer and great tennis player, a fashion designer, and even a well-renowned journalist, not forgetting the Oprah Winfrey of Africa. But what you will come to learn is that the ideas about your career are different from the purpose you are destined to follow.

There is a point when you were 16 where you really misbehaved and you were caught red-handed. Be careful then... 16 is that age where our hormones control us more than we do. Anyway, you almost risked not going to university because you disappointed your family, and you were threatened that you wouldn’t leave Mombasa, Kenya. Nonetheless, I feel like you needed to go through that and understand how badly you wanted to leave and see what lies beyond Kenya and the blue seas. Good news is, you gave 200% to your last year and managed to get really good grades for someone who was swimming between D’s, E’s, and an F or two. You actually got all B’s in your final exams and a C in physics—trust me, that C will not surprise you.

Because of this, you made your family happy and managed to restore some trust and hope in their hearts. Now, your initial plan was to go to Australia (I know you wanted to be as far away as possible from everyone), but I am here to tell you that God has other plans for you. You will find yourself in Southeast Asia, Malaysia, at the age of 18, but I promise you it will be both the best and worst experience of your life. In fact, if I let you in on a secret, Malaysia will grow you into the young lady you want to be. You will move to a whole different continent and country which you will love, but you will be extremely na?ve for the first few months or years. Nonetheless, you will meet amazing humans who, up until today, will remain some of your best friends. Just watch this space.

Now, a few things I want to tell you, Nadia: One is that you are enough and that you don’t need to bend over backward and do things that are not going to sit well with you. However, I also want to tell you not to regret any decision you make. Everything that you will go through in university was meant to happen that way so that you can be moulded into the young woman you are today. In university, being broke is normal (we call it a lifestyle). Partying your way through university is also something normal; just be careful and don’t trust everyone you see or meet. Make sure you never miss class because you need to get that degree to break glass ceilings. Oh, at some point you shall change courses, but that’s okay because your family will at first force you to do something you don’t like. A little secret: they won’t know you changed courses until the second year (though Mum will have a feeling, but she will protect you as she always does).

So, your university experience will be bittersweet, but you shall get major exposure, learn a lot about yourself, about friendships, heartbreaks (a lot of them), and different cultures. You will have more male friends than female friends (somehow females won’t like you that much, a story for another day). Nonetheless, your best moments and experiences will be with females. You will get a chance to go to Amsterdam, Netherlands, with the university from a journalism exchange program. You will start a blog and talk about fashion. You will go to Indonesia and represent Kenya in a modest Fashion Week. You will meet really influential people on a dating site (how ironic), and you will call yourself Turban Dreamer at some point. Unfortunately, you will not fall in love in university. What you see in chick flicks is a scam, but you will learn about toxic traits in guys.

Towards the end of your time in Malaysia, you will aspire to live like an expat and work in the Fashion PR industry, but as I said, purpose and destiny are the drivers of your career. You will find yourself working/interning in an American Public Relations firm, and you will be in the Automotive and Aerospace department. Crazy, I know! Your clients will be the likes of Volkswagen, Volvo, BAE Systems, and guess what? You will work at a time when Volkswagen will have a crisis and all their vehicles need to be recalled from the market. Exciting, challenging, but it is because of this experience that you will become extremely meticulous in your career life. The supervisor you have will make you cry, but she will be the one to mold you.

Good news! You will graduate, and Mum and Abdulhalim will be there with you. Mum will shed so many tears as you walk on stage to get your degree, and Abdulhalim will be so proud of his big sister. With all the sacrifice and all the confusion and trauma you grew up with, despite all the unfortunate things that happen to you in university, despite growing up and not feeling like you fit in and feeling like the black sheep in the family... Nadia, you will make it through university! You will graduate with an Honors degree in Public Relations and Mass Communication with a minor in Journalism from two universities: Taylors University Lakeside Campus Malaysia (Top Private University in Malaysia/SEA) and the University of the West of England, Bristol.

Your time in Malaysia will end, and you will come back to Kenya. But the journey doesn’t end there, Nadia... Stay Tuned!

Part 2 Coming Soon!

With love and wisdom,

Your Future Self

Nadia Ahmed Abdalla