Becoming a Stoic Product Manager: How to Overcome Anxiety and Turn It into Unstoppable Growth (My Self-Experience)

Starting with anxiety as a product manager (trapped thoughts)

"The world of product management (PM) is now horrible: many PMs are facing layoffs, many products are failing, and many are being shut down. Getting a job as a Product Manager is not as easy as bootcamp providers promise.

So why should we aspire to be a PM with the promise of a high salary, various prestigious opportunities, and exposure when in reality the world of PM is not in as promising as we thoughts?

Dear PMs outside, or aspiring PMs who are currently pursuing the necessary knowledge to become, or at least be qualified as PMs, have you ever, or at least once, had the thoughts above cross your mind?

If so, then you are not alone. There are hundreds, even thousands of people who think the same way as you do.

Even personally, I have experienced a flood of thoughts as mentioned above: anxiety about the uncertain PM jobs.

I often give myself space to reflect with a touch of introspection on my failures in becoming a PM. I thought, what a foolish thing I had done: investing a lot of money to take a PM courses and certifications, but all wasted.

Specifically, from early 2022 to late 2023, although I have been hired as a product manager in several companies before, I always end up being laid off.

One by one, the anxiety creeps in, morphing into a looming fear that admittedly makes it difficult for me to move forward in any direction. Pursuing a career as a product manager seems out of reach; taking backward to my previous role is also not feasible. Furthermore, with the tech winter and hiring freeze, the feeling of uncertainty is getting bigger.

Feeling drained indeed, especially on one side, I am no longer a fresh graduate who can try with maneuvers from one field to another—developing new skills also feels abstract to me. This is because I am already married, and I have income targets to meet the needs of my family.

Finally, I felt as if I were being tricked by this unfounded fear that is not concrete. It deceived me by holding my precious time and then held it hostage with imaginary fears. Fear of something uncertain.

"What if there is no income? What if the income is decreased while the installments must continue?”

As a result, I come to the conclusion that what I have pursued to learn as a product manager has become wasted.

Perspective switch: Failure does not mean stopping to grow.

That was then, now it's totally different.

Sometimes we find ourselves caught in a whirlpool of doubt, questioning the point of continuing to learn despite knowing failure is a possibility. Or we may wonder why we persist in pursuing a career in product manager despite its uncertainty. Some may even question why we stay in a field where job opportunities are limited, and if available often undervalued and underpaid.

Know that facts do not mean stopping to grow. Let's change our mindset, guys. Just because we may not have the opportunity to pursue a career as a product manager, it doesn't mean we don't have the chance to create great products that can help improve the lives of many people.

To emphasize this, I am now discussing how to embody the role of a Product Manager, even though in my current situation I am not working as a product manager, but still able to apply the principles of product management.

I really love one of the Stoicism-related quotes that goes like this:

"Trust that all is for the best. For we carry our fate with us —and it carries us." - Marcus Aurelius, on Amor Fati.

In Marcus Aurelius' thoughts, I realize that we need to be friendly with ourselves by accepting our fate. In my case, for example, I know that I failed as a product manager. This doesn't mean that I curse my fate that led me to this failure and then I sank into it. Instead, I must accept it, I must love the fate.

To extend, Stoicism also brings the concept of dichotomy, distinguishing between external and internal aspects. The external aspect is an aspect that we cannot control, meaning we don't need to worry about what happens externally. Instead, we just need to focus on our internal aspect, which is ourselves.

External aspects can include factors outside of our control, such as the current business environment, user/stakeholder behavior towards us, end user impressions of our product, and our colleagues within the product squad. These factors cannot be controlled.

Lets give you an example. We may have already done our best by following all the principles of good product management, from conducting user research, mapping user personas, maintaining stakeholder relationships with the RACI principle, prioritizing effectively (using approaches like MoSCoW, RICE, and the Kano Model), to strategizing the product release plan. However our product still doesn't satisfy our stakeholders.

What I mentioned above is not a guarantee that we can sustain ourselves as PMs. As stoics, we need to be prepared for the possibility of facing unfortunate situations, such as being laid off as a PM or our product failing to win the market. If that happens, accept it. Then, fortify ourselves and adopt an attitude of ”indifference”, or in Bahasa Indonesia, "Ga Ngaruh."

Let's focus on the aspects we can control, which are ourselves. How can we do that? By continuing to strengthen our abilities and keep growing. Fortify your skills, keep praying, treat others well, manage your time effectively with meaningful commitments, treat your friends well, and most importantly, allocate quality time for yourself.

Continuously learning with indifference

Continuous learning as a stoic is a common practice. In short, if we fail with a product or do not succeed in a specific company, we can simply create another one and explore different opportunities. Consider it a special occasion to practice and hone our skills.

Personally, I believe that as a product manager, there are no limits to learning new things. This includes not only technical skills related to product management such as product ideation, prioritization, development, and release strategy, but also broader skills such as programming languages like Go, Python, TypeScript, and even more advanced areas like Machine Learning, AI, Blockchain, or new industries that may be unfamiliar to us. It's also important to remember to learn non-technical skills such as interpersonal skills, time management, communication, and empathy.

Here, learning something new may seem uncomfortable. Stoicism views discomfort as something special because it can help us become more valuable. Simplut just embrace that discomfort!

Here, I divide discomfort into two: something unpleasant where we have to put in extra effort, or our own destiny. For those who require extra effort, I personally believe in using failure as fuel to double motivation and gain more self-value from the lessons I go through.

Simply put, I am currently not working as a Product Manager but as a Technical Writer in a relatively new industry, healthcare services. During my time away from the Product Manager role, I utilized it to learn about healthcare services - from patient registration processes to managing electronic medical records with technology, and integrating medical devices into the Internet of Things. For me, this has been an exciting experience even in my role as a Technical Writer (TW).

The second aspect is the discomfort caused by our own destiny. For example, I am attempting to illustrate how the fear of failure or truly unpleasant situations can be transformed into something ordinary.

Here, we may be comfortable with a two-digit salary, but we fear that our salary might drop back to the minimum wage (for instance). Or we may have been content with the income as a startup founder who owns a luxurious house and car, but we fear that if our startup fails, we might lose the house and car

Simply put, here, we just need to instill in our minds that the situation won't be a problem. Whether it settles or not, we are indifferent and continue to learn and grow.

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I hope this article finds you well. If you would like to share your thoughts, please leave a comment below.