Becoming Self Aware

At almost 40 years old, I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on what a complete muppet I’ve been at times in my life. When you’re young and hungry for success at all costs, the acceptance of such labels is tough. For me, it’s become pretty easy. 

I am not saying it takes everyone as long as me, but in my case, I spent a very long time thinking I was right and that if people made decisions I didn’t agree with… They were wrong. Much of my career until my late 20’s was spent dismissing the opinions of others because I had a very narrow minded view of the world. 

Then I met my wife! 

Unlike myself, she was not so closed off to people’s views and luckily for me, had a much higher tolerance level for selfish mo fo’s. Don’t get me wrong, I obviously had some good points, but if the topic was something I thought I knew something about, I was always right. Even when I was often wrong! 

Within a space of weeks, I was questioning my entire thought process… Around everything! There was something about this person I liked, but god did she make me angry sometimes. I couldn’t tell if it was her being awkward, or if I was being a complete knob! 

Turns out it was the later…

You see when you spend all your time with someone that doesn’t judge or react based on their own views and opinions, it tends to rub off. I really started thinking about my behaviour both at home and at work. This was the start of me self analysing my every action on a daily basis to see if I could have done things better.

I started to think about how my closest friends saw me and lightbulbs were going off all over the place…

‘So that’s why they call me moody and boring’

As brutal as this personal attack on myself was, it was a real eye opener. No other person had ever made me think about myself in this way. My mates had probably been fearful of the backlash and my team probably didn’t want to be on my bad side. Safe to say, I needed to change.

Where did I start?

Well, the first thing I needed to do was really understand what was important to the people closest to me. I had always been more of a talker than a listener so this absolutely had to change. For a long time, I had to physically restrain myself from speaking and finishing people's sentences, but this got much easier the more I realised how valuable listening can be. 

I realised that by understanding other people, I could actually deliver much better results. It struck me that in years gone by, many of my teams had not been as engaged as they could have been. As I started to embrace this new me, it was amazing to see the smiles on peoples faces.

Kindness Always Wins

The next huge disruption to my system was the birth of my first son Jacob. Although I had been listening and understanding people better, I was still very tough on them, judging everyone on what I would do in any given situation. This was about to change big time! 

Becoming a dad changes a person. I could now relate to a whole range of situations that previously were alien to me. I had been mellowed to the point where I was not jumping all over things I didn’t immediately understand. It was certainly a very new experience for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I was still me. I was still as passionate as ever to succeed but my understanding of what makes a successful team was improving. I was coming at things from a very different angle and for the first time, I realised that to win, you have to put people first! 

Are You Self Aware

Hopefully you will not take as long as I did if you are not already. You must remember that every person on the planet sees things from a different perspective and that many of them can add extreme value to our lives. If we are allowed to form a bad habit of always being right, it will be very tough to break.

Encourage challenge, feedback, alternative views. This is what will make you and your business great. Question every move you make with your teams and continually ask yourself 

‘Can I do that better next time?’

The world and what we accept is changing every day. Your views may be relevant for a day, a week or even a year, but always remember they are only your views. Eventually, someone will do things better, faster, and more efficiently and instead of blocking it, you must learn from it.