Becoming Savage - Survive Life Trauma and Get Tough

When you get beat down, it burns into your very soul and shapes you. It could be any kind of trauma — from childhood abuse, neglect, a loss, an assault, or losing your job, partner, health, or bankruptcy. That self-destructive voice is loud. You think to yourself “I’m not good enough.” or “No one will ever love me. ” Thoughts are powerful and they translate into your actions. You don’t even try. After all, why bother? The voice tells you that you’d fail anyway.

As an empath, it is even worse because we are super sensitive. We feel everything more intensely: love, friendship, pain, and grief. For most of my life, I considered empathy a curse. I had a crappy childhood. I was often depressed and negative. Then I grew up and got married to a really nice person. I thought my problems were over. I was finally happy. But life bent us. The stress, the drive, the pressure, the money, the work competition, the bills, the responsibilities, the disappointments, the high stakes….I woke up once in the middle of the night and knew my marriage was over. I ended up divorced and starting over my life at nearly 40. Losing my marriage taught me a lot about love. I also faced ageism when looking for work in Silicon Valley, where the Tech sector is notoriously young.

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me…. You may not realise it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”– Walt Disney

When life gives you lemons, you may get angry, sad, or negative. If you carry it with you, you will be eaten alive by toxicity. But it doesn’t mean life won. On the contrary. It’s a cue to go savage. I’ve been there. It should have killed me. But it didn’t. Here are my tips to survive tragedy:

1/ Stop Focusing on the “Can’ts” Holding You Back and Find a Tiny Thing You Can Do Every Day

When things are bad, we empaths tend to dramatise. We easily get overwhelmed because “the thing” seems too huge and too daunting. We feel we just can’t tackle it. So we do nothing. Instead of despair, my hack is to break it down into very small micro-tasks you can manage. Oversimplify, at least at first.

Example: Monday I will dedicate 30 minutes to researching my topic with the goal of compiling some useful information. Tuesday I will dive into the sources deeper that I picked from Monday and derive the information I need. Wednesday I will take action accordingly on the knowledge I now have.

Doing this will make you feel good about yourself and before you know it, the big ugly thing will be accomplished.

2/ Stop Caring About What Others Say, Do or Think About You

I know this is really hard, especially for empaths. I’ve been there. I used to feel every negative comment or action for days. Because for empaths, we feel a great need to be liked. We thrive on positive attention. Negative attention? Not so much. You’ve got to find your inner tough guy/gal and say “So What?” I am striving to be the best version of myself but it is definitely a work in progress and that is fully ok. Once you can get past letting the haters get to you, you will discover within yourself a power you never knew you had. Save your deep feelings for the good people who love and support you.

3/ Find Stuff to Be Proud of Yourself For

There is always something you wish were different or want to improve but why not focus on the opposite — all the great things you are skilled at? Be proud of your attributes. Just because one thing is bugging you doesn’t mean you should discredit yourself. Look at all the amazing things you do right! I know in dark times, it might feel like there isn’t anything to be proud of. In that case, focus on the micro-tasks I mention above. By accomplishing your mini-goal, you can pat yourself on the back and check it off the list, however small it may be. Tiny yet mighty. Give yourself positive feedback. Even a small thing you do right can be worthy of celebration.

4/ Switch to Autopilot Mode

Overthinking is the enemy of action. Overthinking leads to fear and fear paralyses you from taking action. To get out of this vicious cycle, the best hack I’ve found is to switch to taking action by default that is specific, scheduled, and time-oriented. I like to call it “autopilot mode.” Or as Nike said, "Just Do It!"

Example: I will perform the mini-tasks I decided on in step 1/ no matter what. Only if something major stops me, then I will reschedule and get back into my normal schedule as soon as possible.

5/ Trick Yourself Into Pushing A Little Further

I love this one! I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to quit, whether it was a tedious task like calculating my taxes or exercise. To get myself to go a bit longer, I “trick” myself.

Example 1: Exercise. I’m running and I tell myself I’ll run to a certain location (Point B). When I reach this location, I’ll tell myself to go just a bit further (Point C). In reality, I always planned to run to Point C. I just wanted to stay motivated since Point B was closer, it made it easier to talk myself into starting in the first place.

6/ Seek Out People Who Refill Your Positivity Tank

Sometimes you just need a hug, even a virtual one. Seriously. There will be people in your life who won't shoulder your grief. Either they never were true friends or they have their own issues and can't take on more. You'll need to weed out the friends and family who can help you get your groove back. And if there isn't anyone close by, seek out support online. You don't have to weather a crisis alone. Many people go through trauma and will understand you better than those close who haven't experienced it.

7/ Take Breaks Too

When you go through a trauma, it feels like being at the bottom of a deep, dark ravine. You are climbing, climbing, climbing, yet you slip back down. It is exhausting. So while you need to do the work, you also need to rest. Make sure to build in some "do nothing" time to recuperate.

8/ Never Give Up

This is my last tip but also the most important one. There will be dark times where you feel like you'll never get past your obstacles but I promise you that you will. Just when you feel like quitting the most, you may be so close to achieving your goal. Visualise regularly where you want to be and act like you are there long before you really are. Set your mind to getting there. No matter what. And it will happen!

Krista Mollion is a seasoned Silicon Valley tech entrepreneur and the founder of The SASSY Method?, a business blueprint program for online business owners. She teaches how to build a strong brand, develop signature products, and set up robust marketing and sales systems. She is also a mom of 4 and loves the beach, podcasts, and travel.

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