Becoming a More Supportive Person

Becoming More Supportive

We all need a support system. It could be an addict leveraging support via the AA community, or it could be a friend who simply needs someone to vent to. Support can be actionable advice or a physical embrace. So how do we become more supportive people the right way, for the right people, in the right moments? There are as many ways to be supportive as there are people in the world, as every situation calls for a different kind of support. Still, there are a few universal truths.

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Lead With Empathy

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I can think of no better skill that equips us to show the right situational support to those that need it. There are layers to empathy. Empathy manifests itself differently at different times. It means leaving your opinions at the door and being an active listener. It's about knowing what kind of advice someone needs during their time of need. It means maintaining eye contact, asking for clarification, and staying on topic. It also means acknowledging their feelings. Validating someone’s experiences and establishing yourself as a reliable source of support.

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Being There but Having Boundaries

Reach out proactively to those you know who need support. If something reminds you of their situation or problem, share your thoughts with them. Let them know you’re thinking about them even if they haven’t reached out to you specifically. While proactivity and involvement are forms of support, be mindful of having the right boundaries.

Boundaries help establish the right standard. They help those in need of support because they can better understand when and how to solicit your support. This also helps you deliver on their expectations when they need your support.

This also includes not making promises you can’t keep. Boundaries help you avoid the discomfort that could lead you to give unfulfilled promises. Boundaries also help us avoid giving empty advice that is slightly disingenuous or unhelpful.

Being Consistent and Delivering

We’ve all extended the classic “how can I help?” support to a friend in need. With that said, this is a classic example of not delivering. You mean well but sometimes; this offer of support can inadvertently put more burden on the individual in need of your support. As you practice active listening and empathy while sticking to your boundaries, you can take a full inventory of the situation and offer tangible, actionable support. There is value in simply letting someone know you are there for them. However, your ability to proactively recognize and act can be life-changing for those you are trying to offer support.

Building Better Relationships

Support is a foundational piece of meaningful relationships. This means honest and reliable support. A combination of empathy, boundaries and proactive thoughtfulness make a recipe for being a good source of support for those in your life that need you.

Do you sometimes worry you could be more supportive? Maybe you feel your support efforts are ineffective or go unnoticed. What do you think is vital to being a truly supportive and helpful figure in the lives of those around you? Let us know in the comments!

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