Becoming Me - Learning to Fly With Age

A few weeks ago, I went with some friends to Toronto’s infamous Horseshoe Tavern for some late-night live music by “Unraveling The Wilburys”. Halfway through the performance, the guitar player invited his dad on stage and told the story of how they almost lost him to a massive heart attack a few years ago. When it was suggested his dad was going to sing with the band, you could almost sense the question marks in the audience’s minds – how could this elderly gentleman possibly keep pace with a rock and roll band?? Two minutes later, when Mr. Campbell sang the first few lines of “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”, he brought the whole place down – an unbelievable voice. I immediately thought “I want to age like this man”.… with intention.

Every December, countless people shift their focus to thinking about resolutions for the upcoming New Year. I’ve never done this – it always seems like a setup that leads to disappointment. So instead, I’m sharing the 8 ‘life rules’ I literally made up based on my life experience so far – daily resolutions that become so big they form intention. And if they give you pause to think twice about whether you’re really aging with intention like Mr. Campbell, well then, I’ve accomplished my goal. Although I often write about taking care of our senior population at home, there is a lot of life leading up to the point of requiring that care. And if you believe in the philosophy of intentional aging, perhaps it will be even longer before that care is required.

I also specifically chose today to post this article.? Seven years ago this week we lost my brother’s wife to cancer at the tender age of 56. She will never know that she was the influence and inspiration for much of the change in my life that occurred after she died. I used to worry about getting older but now I think about age as a simple number. The measure of aging should perhaps be about the experiences we create and the impact we make in life. The best part of the journey still lies ahead.?

Ketchen’s 8 Life Rules for Aging with Intention:

1.????? You only get one body - take care of it! I started strength training in the summer of 2018 at a gym with a trainer (shout out to Chas Cook at Inspira Athetica). It has changed my life. I work out consistently 4 times a week – rarely missing a training day. I religiously plan out these four slots at the beginning of every week to make sure they happen. Today I am in the best shape of my life – but it takes hard work, commitment, and consistency. I eat well, always focused on protein and vegetables, but still drink martinis and probably too much wine – but hey, you also have to take time to enjoy life!

2.????? Prioritize fun – it’s good for your soul. For my 16th birthday, my dad gave me a book with an inscription that said, “Hard work and hard play will take you as far as you want to go”. I take the hard play notion very seriously. In fact, coming into 2023, I had decided to plan out an event every month that was something I could look forward to – a long weekend away, a trip, a concert – just something special.? I had so much fun with all of these activities in 2023, I’ll be doing this again for 2024!

3.????? Do things that matter and live with purpose. Say no to things that don’t really matter and stop chasing or spending time with people who don’t reciprocate. Previously, I lived parts of my life sometimes doing what other people expected versus the things I really wanted. This doesn’t happen anymore! And with timely coaching from key mentors in my life, I am now incredibly fortunate to have a career where every single day, I know the people of Spectrum Health Care are doing things that matter for the people we care for – 85,000 times a week.

4.????? Don’t be so hard on yourself. ? Learning to forgive yourself is vital to personal growth and wellbeing. We are all human, we all make mistakes and we often wish we had done or said things differently. We are most often our own harshest critic. This life lesson has probably been the most difficult for me to learn– it’s a work in progress but I’m trying! I think all working moms have ‘guilty mother complex’ – I am no exception – and I often wonder whether I should have sacrificed to be home more. But on the flip side, my daughters have seen first-hand that with commitment and hard work (and little doses of courage), they can be or do anything they want. If we are intentional in our communications and aspirations, everything works out as it’s meant to be.

5.????? Challenge the status quo around aging. What does ‘acting your age’ really mean? I’m fascinated by the media explosion around The Golden Bachelor (although I haven’t seen an episode, I get the drift). Why are so many people surprised that people in their 60s and 70s are searching for passion and love in their lives?? Rock stars from our youth are still touring – Springsteen at age 74, Willie Nelson at age 87, and Mick Jagger, now an octogenarian. Nelson Mandela didn’t become president of South Africa until he was 76. Colonel Sanders didn’t start his chicken empire until he was 65. And let’s not forget Dolly Parton looking fabulous at 77 at a recent NFL game – talk about courage!

6.????? Learning is a lifelong journey so always push your limits! I find it terribly easy to become complacent in daily routines or habits – it’s hard to learn something new and we have these misconceived notions that we’re “too old” to try something new. My mother is a great example that this is a false presumption. In her quest to make friends at the age of 83, she decided to try lawn bowling. It took some time and patience (and commitment) to feel comfortable in her new-found skills but heading into next summer, she will be playing three times each week. Not only is this great for her strength and balance but it gives her the chance to socialize on a regular basis. Finding inspiration from my mom, I decided that 2023 would be the year of trying new things. So far, I’ve tried surfing (and even got up on a few waves), playing the guitar (I now have a vast repertoire of three songs) and I am now certified as a SCUBA diver (I dove 10 times in total this year).?

7.????? Surround yourself with people you love.? Human connection is the key to happiness and contentment. And although romantic love doesn’t appear to be in the cards for me right now (I guess until the universe decides otherwise), I am fortunate to be surrounded by an incredible army of “Wing Girls and Boys” who enrich my life in so many ways. Together we have fun, make music, see shows, try new restaurants, ride motorcycles, travel, drink wine, and just generally spend quality time together. Everyone needs at least one person like this in their life – I am lucky to have several.

8.????? Get a dog. ?Oakley the Bernedoodle is the furry love of my life. Regardless of the day I’ve had, he’s at the door when I get home and always happy to see me. He forces me to get more exercise walking 2-3 times every day. He’s large so I feel safe when I’m home or walking alone. And at 8 years old (or 56 in dog years), I feel like he and I are exploring middle age together. My blood pressure is the better for it.?

Lastly, I’ll leave you to think about my favourite quote on aging:

“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” – David Bowie