Becoming a master negotiator- Insights from Getting to Yes by Fisher, Ury and Patton

“The challenge is not to eliminate conflict but to transform it. It is to change the way we deal with our differences.”

-Roger Fisher

Conflict is everywhere. Whether it is negotiating with your employers to give you a raise or bargaining with a seller to get the desired price on your favourite product, conflicts arise in different ways.?

Thus, conflict resolution is a vital skill that every person must have. Often, the process of resolving conflicts becomes messy as the people involved lose sight of the objective and focus on proving a point. In the book Getting to Yes, Fisher, Ury and Patton have brought out the true essence of negotiation, and how one can use that skill to achieve the desired result. They have focused on problem-solving and have introduced the concept of ‘principled negotiation’ which is a very useful tool to tackle interpersonal issues and conflicts. Let us explore some key insights from this book.

Understanding the concept of bargaining

While trying to resolve an issue, people usually pick a position and defend it in order to get the result they desire. Sometimes, this may become an ego battle, and the issue is very less likely to get resolved. Thus, positional bargaining can cause unnecessary arguments and may make people stubborn, which serves no real purpose. It ends up damaging the relationship between co-workers, friends, and even family members. Thus, the authors have suggested that it is best to focus on the interests of the parties involved rather than sticking to positions.

Also, soft bargaining, that is, adopting a friendly attitude may work with family and friends, but it may not always be a wise strategy to use.

Going beyond hard and soft bargaining: Exploring the 4 principles of negotiation?

Principled bargaining refers to a plan that could be followed to negotiate successfully. Some of the suggestions that the authors have put forth are as follows.

1. Separate the person from the problem

Suppose you and your partner are both working professionals, and are trying to negotiate working hours in order to strike a balance between work and professional life. In such a scenario, you may view your partner as the ‘opposition’, dismissing the humane aspect. As humans, each of us has diverse attitudes, perceptions, and emotions, all of which play a role in conflict resolution. Having a self-centered approach can cause mistrust, which is detrimental in negotiations. One of the best ways to resolve a conflict like this is to create a relationship based on mutual respect and trust. It is important to remember that your partner is not the problem. This will enable you to focus on the issue at hand, rather than attacking the person.

2. Categorize the problems?

There are 3 categories into which problems can be categorized. They are perception, emotion, and communication. Perception refers to understanding the point of view of the other person, which helps to review the advantages of a proposition that you may not have considered before.

Emotion refers to moulding one’s emotions based on the emotions of the opposition. This is especially helpful in the workplace, and it can make the negotiation a proactive process.

Communication refers to being clear while communicating one’s needs, delivering one’s grievances rather than questioning or blaming third parties, and providing understanding to the other person. Negotiation is always about ‘us’, not you or me. For instance, if you have a colleague who is often late for meetings, rather than chastising them for their behaviour, you can communicate the issues this is causing, and suggest ways for them to improve.?

3. Focus on the needs rather than sticking to positions

Conflicts originate from concerns and fears that people have. In order to negotiate, people have to pick sides, but unfortunately, that becomes the focus of the argument, and the actual concern gets sidelined. One of the major obstacles that hinder the progress of a bargain is that people restrict themselves to the ‘one right solution’.? Suppose you want to develop your skills and grow in your career. You may want to work on a certain big project, while your boss may feel you aren't the right fit for that project. It is always a better idea to come up with a list of solutions that could meet your needs as well as those of your boss, such as figuring out other ways you could contribute to the workplace. The trick is to negotiate in a way that becomes a win-win situation for all.

4. Set an objective standard for the negotiation

Before getting into a negotiation, set a mutual standard on the basis of which the negotiation can take place.? The agreement between a customer and a seller must not be based on will, rather it should be a fair deal based on the industry prices of the product being bargained about. Similarly, a deal between two corporations must be based on a legal contract.?

If required, call a third party such as a legal advisor to intervene so that they can keep the conversation tethered to the interests, benefits, and solutions for both. In the case of personal relationships, if the partners are not able to negotiate successfully, a relationship therapist may help them view their issues objectively and work towards a compromise.?

Conflict is unavoidable. You will encounter it in almost every scenario, to varying extents. Every person will put their best foot forward in a negotiation so that they can have their way. You can never guarantee success. Learn how to protect your back by setting appropriate boundaries, keeping options available, and being considerate.?

Principled negotiation is a versatile process that can be employed by people from all walks of life to resolve conflicts in their personal and professional relationships. We would recommend this book to all our readers who want to better their conflict resolution skills and become confident negotiators. The expertise the authors have brought to the table is very relevant, and we encourage our readers to start with an insightful summary of the book on the Better You app.

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