Becoming The Confident Speaker

It’s very tempting to look at people who seem naturally confident and self-assured when they speak and assume that they are somehow made of different stuff to the rest of us. But this just isn’t true. Anyone who is a good speaker now, was once a beginner. They may seem confident now, but there was a time when they were a bumbling mess!

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George Bernhard Shaw said,

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“A man learns to skate by staggering about and making a fool of himself.

Indeed, he progresses in all things by resolutely making a fool of himself.”

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Realizing that confidence is really the result of an ongoing, progressive process, rather than being born with magic genes, is incredibly empowering! It means confidence is something we can develop, if we want to. As long as we’re willing to stick at the process, of course.

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Getting the right mindset at the beginning is important in order to start the process.

1. Recognize that you are responsible for the effort but not the result.

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Focusing on the things we can control and not on the things we can’t control, is a total game changer! If we just concentrate on doing our best every time we speak and spend no time worrying about all the things that we actually have no control over, not only will we make great progress, but we’ll also be significantly less anxious!

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When you think about it, we can’t do any more than our best. And doing our best is within our control. So doing our best is the best we can do and it’s all we can do. If we’re doing our best then it’s just a matter of time.

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It’s important to keep in mind that doing our best includes preparation, not just trying hard when we’re in front of the audience.

2. Realize you’re responsible TO the audience but not FOR them.

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I love this simple idea that we are responsible to the audience, but we are not responsible for them. We are responsible to do our very best to deliver what we say we are going to deliver. But we are not responsible for how the audience responds. That is out of our control. And the surest way to drive yourself crazy is to assume responsibility for things that you cannot control!

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Richard Kline put it this way, “Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.”

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So let’s agree that the best thing we can do for us and for our audience, is to concentrate on the things we can control and not spend any time worrying about the things we can’t control.

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3. Don’t compare yourself to others.

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John Maxwell often says, no one is good at anything at first. When you realize that it is normal to make mistakes when you’re doing something you haven’t done before, you are far less likely to beat yourself up for not doing it perfectly right from the start. It is normal and natural to make mistakes. Everyone who is growing goes through growing pains. Confidence develops much more quickly when you are your biggest cheerleader, rather than your harshest critic.

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If you are just starting out and you compare yourself to someone who has been at it a while, you might think you’re bad at this. When the truth is, you haven’t grown as much as them because they started earlier.

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It’s ok to be inspired by other peoples’ successes. But don’t use them as evidence that you’re a loser. It’s not good for your self-confidence! It’s just as damaging to compare yourself to others and conclude you’re better them too. Any comparison isn’t going to help you.

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Strong, authentic confidence is developed through tackling difficult new situations and proving to yourself that you can deal with the problems and challenges that life brings your way.

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So focus on the things you can change, not the things you can’t, do your best and don’t compare yourself to others. Be inspired by them instead. And keep going. If you keep going and keep growing, it’s just a matter of time.?