Becoming Aware of What Holds Us Back and Pushes Us Forward

Hello All!? This week we are in the phase of awareness in our healing journey.? In my practice I built the 3 As for success. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.? Here we use these A’s in the cognitive behavioral model to make changes and become happier, healthier people.? Now that we have built a foundation of knowledge on what success is, the 3 pillars to support success, and how the brain works.? We will begin to dive into building awareness of the things that hold us back and push us forward in our journeys.? I wanted to share my own journey to begin understanding how we can be blinded from our awareness and normalize how common it is to be productive and still not connected to your self or success. Sometimes we are and still we are chaos seeking making life more stressful then it should be. I have had quite the journey this last year and a half. I vacationed in Europe for 64 days, came home and bought a beach house in Florida, vacationed amongst Florida in the winter, then came back to our mountain home for 3 weeks, only to leave for a 74 day cross country trip, with an Alaskan cruise thrown in the middle of it. These were all amazing adventures, it led to my idea of wanting to live a happier, more flexible life, and really reaping the values of my success. It also was a form of chaos seeking. As we got back to our mountain house to relax for summer, I felt the itch to plan another trip, to do something big or hard. I was avoiding the peace I wanted and yearned for so badly because my brain wanted to stay in its active, anxious state. I have sense found awareness of my tendencies and been able to completely relax and step back to truly enjoy my success and time freedom in different ways. I am so excited to continue to share these insights and ways to build happier and healthier lives, not only as a result of my training, but as a way of coming out of my own spirals of cognitive distortions.

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Awareness is the first step towards success. It’s about understanding yourself, your goals, and your surroundings. When you’re aware, you can:

1. Identify Strengths and Weaknesses: Self-awareness helps you recognize your strengths to leverage them and your weaknesses to improve or compensate for them.
2. Set Realistic Goals: Awareness allows you to set achievable and meaningful goals aligned with your true desires and capabilities.
3. Adapt to Change: Being aware of your environment and the changes within it enables you to adapt and stay ahead.
4. Build Better Relationships: Awareness of others' feelings and perspectives fosters stronger, more supportive relationships, crucial for personal and professional growth.
5. Stay Motivated: Knowing your progress and recognizing your achievements keep you motivated and focused on your journey.

Success isn’t just about hard work and talent; it’s about being aware and mindful of every step you take. Stay aware, stay successful. One way we get trapped in a false awareness is thought Cognitive Distortions.? Let’s take a look!

Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive distortions can be a significant barrier to success. These are irrational thought patterns that warp our perception of reality, often leading to negative outcomes. Here’s how they hinder our progress:

1.???? All-or-Nothing Thinking: Viewing situations in black-and-white terms can make you feel like a failure if things aren't perfect. Success is often about incremental progress and learning from mistakes.

2.???? Overgeneralization: Making broad interpretations based on a single event can lead to a negative mindset. If one project fails, it doesn’t mean all future projects will too.

3.???? Mental Filtering: Focusing only on the negatives and ignoring the positives creates a skewed view of your achievements. Acknowledge your successes to stay motivated.

4.???? Discounting the Positive: Dismissing positive experiences or accomplishments can undermine your self-esteem. Recognize and celebrate your wins, no matter how small.

5.???? Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst-case scenario can paralyze you with fear. While it’s wise to plan for potential challenges, remember that most situations are not as dire as they seem.

6.???? Personalization: Taking responsibility for things outside your control can lead to unnecessary guilt and stress. Understand what you can control and let go of the rest.

These cognitive distortions create despair and prevent you from seeing the path to success clearly. By challenging these negative thought patterns and replacing them with rational, positive thoughts, you can overcome barriers and move towards your goals with confidence.

The Compounding Cycle of Negativity and Reinforcing Negative Narratives

Negativity can be like a snowball rolling down a hill, gradually picking up more snow and growing larger and more formidable. This compounding cycle of negativity can significantly reinforce negative narratives, making it harder to break free from their grip. Understanding this cycle is the first step towards interrupting and ultimately breaking it.

The Negative Cycle

1. Negative Thought Initiation: It all starts with a single negative thought. Perhaps you make a mistake at work, and you immediately think, "I'm so incompetent." This initial negative thought sets the stage.
2. Emotional Reaction: This thought triggers an emotional response, often leading to feelings of sadness, frustration, or anxiety. These emotions can be intense and overwhelming.
3. Behavioral Response: In reaction to these negative emotions, you might engage in behaviors that reinforce the negativity. For instance, you might withdraw from social interactions, procrastinate, or engage in self-destructive behaviors like overeating or substance abuse.
4. Reinforcement: These behaviors and the resultant outcomes often reinforce the initial negative thought. For example, avoiding social interactions may lead to loneliness, reinforcing the belief that you're unlikeable or unworthy.
5. Cycle Repeats: The negative outcomes feed back into the cycle, creating more negative thoughts, leading to stronger emotional reactions and more self-defeating behaviors. Over time, this cycle can become deeply ingrained, making it increasingly difficult to break free.

How the Negative Narrative is Reinforced

• Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: The negative cycle can create self-fulfilling prophecies. If you believe you're incompetent, you're less likely to take risks or seek out new opportunities, which in turn limits your growth and success, reinforcing the belief of incompetence.
• Cognitive Distortions: Negative cycles often involve cognitive distortions, such as all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophizing, and overgeneralization. These distortions warp your perception of reality, making negative outcomes seem inevitable and insurmountable.
• Confirmation Bias: Your brain tends to seek out information that confirms your existing beliefs. When you're stuck in a negative cycle, you unconsciously look for evidence that supports your negative narrative, while ignoring evidence that contradicts it.
• Learned Helplessness: Over time, repeated exposure to negative cycles can lead to learned helplessness, where you feel powerless to change your situation. This sense of helplessness further entrenches the negative narrative, making it seem like an unchangeable fact of life.

Breaking the Cycle

1. Awareness: The first step is becoming aware of the negative cycle and recognizing when you're caught in it. Mindfulness practices can help you observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment.
2. Challenging Negative Thoughts: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques, such as the ABC model (Antecedent, Belief, Consequence), can help you identify and challenge distorted thinking patterns.
3. Replacing Negative Thoughts: Once you've identified a negative thought, try to replace it with a more balanced or positive one. For example, instead of thinking, "I'm incompetent," you might say, "I made a mistake, but I can learn from it and improve."
4. Behavioral Changes: Take small steps to change your behavior. Engage in activities that bring you joy, set achievable goals, and gradually expose yourself to situations you’ve been avoiding.
5. Seeking Support: Don't be afraid to seek help from friends, family, or a mental health professional. Supportive relationships can provide encouragement and new perspectives, helping you break free from the negative cycle.
6. Positive Affirmations: Regularly practicing positive affirmations can help rewire your brain towards a more positive outlook. Statements like "I am capable and resilient" can gradually replace negative self-talk.

Breaking free from the compounding cycle of negativity requires conscious effort and perseverance. By understanding how this cycle works and actively working to interrupt it, you can start to dismantle the negative narratives that hold you back. Remember, each small step towards positivity can compound just as powerfully, leading to a cycle of growth, resilience, and success. Let’s look at how it grows then how to stop it.? To begin, lets explore self-sabotaging behaviors.

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Understanding Self-Sabotaging Behavior: Breaking the Cycle and Moving Forward

Self-sabotaging behavior is a perplexing and often frustrating aspect of human psychology. It's the act of consciously or unconsciously doing things that thwart our own success and happiness. I am seeing a lot of this, this week so I wanted to included.? Something that is aligning in the atmosphere, I see a lot of people in their winter season amongst the middle of summer. Understanding why we engage in self-sabotage and how to break free from this destructive cycle is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

1. Fear of Failure: One of the primary reasons people self-sabotage is the fear of failure. The prospect of not meeting expectations, whether their own or those of others, can be so daunting that it becomes easier to create an excuse for failure than to face it head-on.
2. Fear of Success: Surprisingly, fear of success can be just as powerful as fear of failure. Success can bring about change, increased expectations, and the pressure to maintain high standards. For some, this is a terrifying prospect, leading them to undermine their efforts to avoid these challenges.
3. Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may believe they are unworthy of success or happiness. This belief can lead them to sabotage their own efforts, reinforcing the negative narrative they hold about themselves.
4. Comfort in the Familiar: Even if the familiar is unpleasant, it can feel safer than the unknown. People may self-sabotage to avoid stepping out of their comfort zones, sticking to what they know even if it hinders their growth.
5. Negative Childhood Experiences: Past traumas or negative experiences can shape how individuals view themselves and their capabilities. These deep-seated beliefs can drive self-sabotaging behaviors as a means of coping with unresolved issues.

Breaking the Cycle of Self-Sabotage

1. Increase Self-Awareness: The first step in overcoming self-sabotage is to recognize when and how it occurs. Keeping a journal of thoughts and actions can help identify patterns of self-destructive behavior.
2. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Once you identify the negative beliefs driving your self-sabotage, challenge them. Ask yourself if these beliefs are based on facts or assumptions. Reframe your thoughts to focus on your strengths and achievements.
3. Set Realistic Goals: Setting achievable goals can help build confidence and reduce the fear of failure. Break larger goals into smaller, manageable steps to create a sense of progress and accomplishment.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that failure is a natural part of growth. Self-compassion can reduce the harsh self-criticism that often fuels self-sabotage.
5. Develop Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Find constructive ways to cope with stress and anxiety, such as exercise, meditation, or talking to a trusted friend. These methods can replace self-sabotaging behaviors with positive habits.
6. Seek Support: Consider talking to a therapist or coach who can help you explore the underlying causes of your self-sabotage and develop strategies to overcome it. Support groups can also provide encouragement and accountability.
7. Visualize Success: Visualization can be a powerful tool to combat self-sabotage. Imagine yourself succeeding and experiencing the positive outcomes of your efforts. This can help build confidence and reduce fear.
8. Take Responsibility: Acknowledge your role in your own success or failure. Taking responsibility for your actions empowers you to make changes and take control of your life.

Moving Forward

Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is a journey that requires patience, persistence, and self-reflection. By understanding the underlying causes of self-destructive behavior and implementing strategies to counteract them, you can pave the way for a more fulfilling and successful life. Remember, the path to growth is often challenging, but with determination and support, you can overcome self-sabotage and achieve your goals.

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Staying Present and Using Positive Coping Skills in Times of Hopelessness and Addiction

Often we can get in a place where we are overwhelmed by the negative cycling.? We find it difficult to get out of the chaos we are in.? When feeling hopeless and tempted to resort to negative coping skills, especially in the context of addiction, it's crucial to stay present and utilize positive coping mechanisms. Here are some strategies to help you navigate these challenging moments:

1. Grounding Techniques

• 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This can help bring your focus back to the present moment.
• Deep Breathing: Practice deep breathing exercises such as inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 4 seconds, and exhaling for 4 seconds. This can help reduce anxiety and keep you grounded.

2. Mindfulness Practices

• Meditation: Spend a few minutes in meditation. Focus on your breath and let go of any intrusive thoughts. Apps like Headspace or Calm can guide you through mindfulness exercises.
• Body Scan: Lie down or sit comfortably and bring attention to different parts of your body, starting from your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any sensations without judgment.

3. Positive Self-Talk

• Affirmations: Repeat positive affirmations such as “I am strong,” “I can get through this,” or “I am in control of my actions.” This can help shift your mindset from negative to positive.
• Reframe Negative Thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts by questioning their validity and replacing them with more balanced, rational thoughts. For instance, replace “I can’t handle this” with “I have handled difficult situations before, and I can do it again.”

4. Engage in Healthy Activities

• Exercise: Physical activity releases endorphins and can improve your mood. Even a short walk can make a difference.
• Hobbies: Engage in activities you enjoy, whether it's painting, playing an instrument, gardening, or reading. This can provide a healthy distraction and bring a sense of accomplishment.

5. Connect with Others

• Reach Out: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or support group. Sharing your feelings can provide relief and support.
• Professional Help: If you’re struggling, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support.

6. Set Small, Achievable Goals

• Daily Goals: Break your day into small, manageable tasks. Completing these tasks can provide a sense of purpose and achievement.
• Long-Term Goals: Keep sight of your long-term recovery goals. Remind yourself why you started your journey and the progress you’ve made so far.

7. Create a Safe Environment

• Remove Triggers: Identify and remove any triggers in your environment that might tempt you to use negative coping skills.
• Safe Space: Create a space where you feel safe and can relax. This could be a corner of your home with calming items like soft blankets, candles, or inspirational quotes.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

• Be Kind to Yourself: Understand that everyone has setbacks and struggles. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend.
• Acknowledge Effort: Recognize and celebrate your efforts, no matter how small. Every step forward is progress.

9. Develop a Routine

• Consistency: Establish a daily routine that includes positive activities, healthy meals, and regular sleep patterns. Routine can provide stability and a sense of normalcy.

10. Utilize Coping Skills Toolbox

• Toolbox: Create a physical or mental list of coping skills that work for you, such as listening to music, journaling, drawing, or spending time in nature. Refer to this toolbox when you feel overwhelmed.

Staying present and using positive coping skills when feeling hopeless and tempted to resort to negative behaviors is crucial for maintaining sobriety and mental well-being. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help and take things one day at a time. Each positive choice you make strengthens your resilience and brings you closer to lasting recovery. Remember, mindfulness is the key to wellness.? The more grounded and present, the more mindful you are.

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Embracing Mindfulness: Approaching Life with an Open Heart

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in each moment, accepting it without judgment. This approach to life can transform our experiences, allowing us to navigate challenges with greater ease and appreciate the beauty in everyday moments. One effective way to embody mindfulness is to envision life as a grand banquet, where each moment serves us something valuable, and we take what nourishes us and pass along what doesn't.

Mindfulness Principles

1. Non-Judgment: Definition: Observing experiences without labeling them as good or bad. Application: Instead of judging an event as negative, view it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
2. Patience: Definition: Understanding that things unfold in their own time. Application: Trust the process and avoid rushing through experiences. Give yourself permission to take things one step at a time.
3. Beginner’s Mind: Definition: Approaching each moment as if it’s for the first time. Application: Cultivate curiosity and openness, even in familiar situations. This allows you to see things from new perspectives.
4. Trust: Definition: Believing in your own intuition and experiences. Application: Trust your feelings and instincts. Honor your inner wisdom and be true to yourself.
5. Non-Striving: Definition: Being rather than doing; accepting things as they are. Application: Focus on the present moment without constantly trying to achieve or change it. Embrace the here and now.
6. Acceptance: Definition: Seeing things as they are in the present moment. Application: Acknowledge your current reality without resistance. This doesn’t mean you have to like it, but recognizing it is the first step towards change.
7. Letting Go: Definition: Releasing the need to hold onto thoughts, feelings, or experiences. Application: Practice detachment from outcomes and past experiences. Allow yourself to move forward without being weighed down.

Activity: Life's Banquet Table

Objective: To practice approaching each moment with mindfulness, taking what nourishes us and letting go of what doesn't serve us.

Materials: A quiet space, a journal, and a pen.

Steps:

1. Set the Scene: Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Allow your body to relax.
2. Visualize Life’s Banquet: Imagine you are sitting at a grand banquet table. This table represents your life, and it is filled with various dishes. Each dish symbolizes different experiences, thoughts, emotions, and moments.
3. Observe Without Judgment: As you look at the dishes on the table, observe each one without judgment. Some dishes may look appealing, while others may not. Notice your initial reactions but don’t label anything as good or bad.
4. Select What Nourishes You: Choose the dishes that appeal to you. These represent the moments, thoughts, and emotions that nourish and support you. Imagine yourself taking a serving of these positive experiences.
5. Let Go of What Doesn’t Serve You: For the dishes that don’t appeal to you, imagine yourself passing them along. These represent the negative thoughts, emotions, and experiences that don’t serve you. Visualize letting go of these without resistance.
6. Reflect in Your Journal: Open your eyes and take a few moments to reflect on the visualization. In your journal, write down the experiences, thoughts, and emotions that nourish you. Also, note what you chose to let go of and how it feels to release them.
7. Apply to Daily Life: Think about how you can apply this exercise to your daily life. How can you be more mindful of what nourishes you and let go of what doesn’t serve you? Write down a few actionable steps you can take.

Mindfulness invites us to savor each moment, accepting and appreciating what life serves us. By visualizing life as a banquet, we can practice taking what nourishes us and passing along what doesn’t. This approach helps us stay grounded, focused, and open to the present moment, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and successful life.

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This is the beginning of our time to build some awareness on a few things that we do that either holds us back or moves us forward in our wellness journey.? I look forward to sharing more in the coming weeks. One insight I found recently in this journey is we are all susceptible to chaos seeking and getting into these negative states even when we feel productive. Awareness is the beginning to making great changes. I look forward to hearing from you and your journey and knowing how I can support. Please also check out my social media for other great content.

Warm regards,

Jennifer Evans, LPC

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