"It Becomes Part of Your DNA"" The Transformative Impact of the Safe & Together Model

From Scotland to Australia, from the courts to child protection agencies, the Safe & Together Model is transforming how systems respond to domestic violence. But perhaps the most powerful testament to its impact comes not from statistics or studies, but from the voices of survivors and practitioners whose lives and work have been fundamentally changed by the Model's perpetrator pattern-based approach. In my book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence," I captured the voices of both survivors and practitioners (and some who were both) about the value and impact of the Model.

From Blame to Validation: The Survivor Experience

"I genuinely believe that me and my two kids...wouldn't have been together if it wasn't for the Model," shares Naomi, a survivor from Scotland. Her words echo a common theme among survivors - that the Model quite literally made the difference between keeping and losing their children. Another survivor, Jane from Australia, puts it even more starkly: "The impact of Safe & Together was massive. It was the difference between separation and togetherness. It was the difference between safety and harm. It was the difference potentially between life and death."

For survivors, the Model represents a dramatic shift from feeling blamed and misunderstood to feeling validated and supported. Where once they encountered systems that mirrored their abuse, they found practitioners who could finally see and articulate their protective efforts. As Jane describes it, "Once these practitioners that were well-versed in Safe & Together noticed what was going on, they helped make it more clear to me...They gave me the opportunity to reframe that and say, 'No, actually, I've taken extraordinary efforts to keep my kids and myself safe.'"

Transforming Practice: New Tools, New Confidence

The transformation is equally profound for practitioners. Karen, a child and young person practice lead from Australia, describes how the Model gave her the tools to work with perpetrators: "I think there was an understanding within the sector...that to create change you work with children, women, and mothers. But you can't create change unless you work with the perpetrator." The Model, she explains, "gives you the confidence and the skills and the framework to do that work."

This newfound confidence ripples out across systems. As Emma R., a domestic and family violence principal project officer in Australia notes, "I didn't know about accountability for perpetrators. I think that has transformed my practice in working with fathers and father figures - talking to them about their abuse to their loved ones and the impacts. That's really given confidence across the sector...In some ways Safe & Together has given us hope."

The Model's impact on cross-system collaboration is particularly striking. Professional silos that once seemed impenetrable begin to crumble as practitioners develop a common language and framework. Emma S., a specialist family violence adviser in Australia, describes how the Model transformed their multiagency work: "When we have a case where we have a high-harm, high-risk perpetrator, we bring it to the table to everybody who's speaking the same language. We arrive at the same risk assessment because we're using the mapping, understanding the impacts of the behaviors on the mother and the children."

Personal and Professional Transformation

Perhaps most powerfully, the Model changes not just practice but practitioners themselves. As Eloise, a US-based domestic violence advocate and survivor herself explains, "When you learn about the Safe & Together Model, you can't unlearn it—it becomes part of your professional DNA. The Model will make you think differently about women, children, and the men that use violence. It changes your attitude, and it's not just professionally—it's personally as well."

This personal transformation is especially profound for practitioners who are also survivors. Through the Model, they find both healing and empowerment. As one practitioner-survivor shared, "The impact of my transformation has been my healing. This cloak of guilt and shame that I held against myself came off. And I was able to say, 'Hey, I didn't fail my kids.'"

A Paradigm Shift in Action

The Model's impact extends beyond individual cases to challenge and change entire system responses. It provides practitioners with tools to push back against mother-blaming practices and hold perpetrators accountable. As Carol, a US-based advocate explains, "It's transformative in how we're using pivoting to bring dad into the conversation to make him part of the case...We're talking about all the ways that mom has kept the family safe and stable...We're talking about these strengths and highlighting them."

The result is nothing short of a paradigm shift in how systems respond to domestic violence. Where once survivors encountered blame and judgment, they now find partnership and support. Where once perpetrators remained invisible as parents, they now face accountability. Where once systems worked at cross-purposes, they now find common ground. This is not just system change - it is transformation that saves lives, keeps families together, and offers hope for a future where children can be truly "safe and together" with their protective parents.