BECOME UNSTOPPABLE
Travis Simlinger
Workshops in your company: mental health, communication skills training, burnout, evidence based training to improve life quality and profits.
Have you ever felt like you are going round and round in circles? I know I have. You take 2 steps forward, and 1, or more, steps back. You even know on some level that you are doing this. But still can't seem to solve the puzzle. And it's driving you crazy...
The reason is very often 'limiting beliefs,' or 'conflicting values.'
The focus of this article is on limiting beliefs—you can read about the other main cause of 'self-sabotage' here: conflicting values.
What are 'Limiting Beliefs?'
Beliefs are feelings of certainty that we form through our unique experiences, interactions, and evaluations. We all have beliefs about ourselves, about others, and about the world. In time, they become ingrained and unconscious, and therefore go unrecognised—yet they determine our every behaviour. Once accepted, beliefs become unquestioned commands to our nervous system.
This is all well and good if all our beliefs are empowering us to live our ideal life. Some empowering beliefs might be, "I always have the power to choose how I respond," or "If I work smart and with complete integrity, I will achieve my goals," etc.
But unfortunately, many people have disempowering beliefs—Limiting Beliefs.
Some common examples:
- "I'm not smart enough."
- "I'm 'better' than other people."
- "I could never do that—these people are on a different level to me."
- "People are untrustworthy."
- "The only way to succeed is to work more hours" (this was my limiting belief many years ago)
- "I will probably fail."
- etc...
Limiting beliefs hold people back in life.
They are the root cause of failure to reach one's potential.
Imagine that you are trying to achieve a goal of starting your own business, but you have a deeply-held (subconscious) belief that you are "not smart enough" and "you will probably fail." You don't say this out loud, but what you will notice is the behaviour. You will procrastinate, or not fully commit, or let doubt creep in which will effect your decision making process. This in turn effects your results, and this effects your self-confidence, and before you know it you are spiralling further and further down, and proving your limiting belief right; A self-fulfilling prophecy...and a tragic, and all too common trap.
The worst part of this cycle, is it is self-perpetuating. Many people stay on a cycle like this, in varying degrees, for their entire lives. One of the main things, that separate those who achieve what they want in life at the highest level, and those that don't, is breaking free of this limiting beliefs cycle.
Where do they come from?
Limiting beliefs develop over time, usually from childhood and through experiences of significant life events or particular life circumstances. I often explain to clients using the circus elephant as an example:
A circus elephant is restrained when it is very young and small, using a rope or chain and a peg in the ground. At first the elephant tries to escape, but the peg and rope are too strong for the baby elephant. Eventually, the elephant becomes conditioned—after a certain amount of time, the elephant learns that it cannot escape the rope and peg, and stops trying to fight it.
Do you know how the elephant is restrained when it is fully grown? Using the same small peg and rope! The huge elephant could easily rip this out of the ground, and escape if it wanted to, but it never tries. It is 'restricted' by its belief from the past, when it formed a 'limiting belief' that the small peg and rope could restrain it, and carried this into adulthood.
As humans, we fall victim to this same principal. For example, maybe in primary school an uncaring teacher told you you were not as smart as some other child; a few years later you fail a test; maybe in high school someone calls you an idiot; another time you didn't get the job you applied for...after a while, your brain (mis)interprets a pattern and a limiting belief is born: "I'm not smart enough." You are now like the elephant, held back not because of a lack of resources or ability, but because of your own (conscious or subconscious) thoughts.
What's the Solution?
The first step is awareness. As mentioned, limiting beliefs typically lead to negative emotions and then to problematic behaviours. But these are the effect, and not the cause. Examine your unwanted behaviours. Then backtrack to the emotion and finally to the negative thought that triggered it. You may well find it to be a limiting belief.
Limiting beliefs started out as an idea. They are strengthened as we add 'more pegs into the ground' (references) that support the original idea, as per the visual representation above. Sticking to the metaphor, the way to destroy limiting beliefs is to 'shake the pegs free' and we do that by questioning the validity of the references. The emotional intensity a person feels about each reference (how deep the peg is in the ground), and the number of references (pegs), will determine the strength of the belief. By removing each peg (reference), the belief loses its strength over the person, and the person breaks free of his/her limitation.
The ways to do this vary depending on the person and the strength and number of references. A foundation though, is to associate more pain to maintaining the 'limiting belief' we want to change, than the 'pain' associated with making the change (all human behaviour is driven by our desire to avoid pain or gain pleasure). For example, "because you failed a test one time in a certain subject, you now believe that you are not clever enough...what is holding onto that belief currently costing you?" This is just one example of creating doubt about one's decision to maintain a certain limiting belief. In coaching sessions, we have different frameworks and use different methodologies that are beyond the scope of this article, but the foundation I have given you above (pain and pleasure) is the key.
Once the limiting belief collapses, we then replace this limiting belief, by associating intense pleasure to a new intelligent belief that is going to serve us to achieve our aspirations. And we condition it so that it permeates our subconscious, just as our 'limiting belief' had. Beliefs are basically patterns that the brain has identified, so by feeding it new patterns, you can start to rewire it.
I'm not sure if it's possible to convey using words on a page just how much of a profound impact this has on a person's life. Remember, a belief is an unquestioned command to our nervous system, which determines emotions, behaviours, and ultimately, our results in life—So making a 180 degree shift from a belief that was holding us back to a new empowering belief literally changes lives...And it doesn't take years of examining the past as in some schools of traditional therapy.
Peace :)
