Become unshakable by building your mental toughness

Those who learn nothing of the unpleasant facts of their lives, force the cosmic consciousness to reproduce them as many times as necessary to learn what the drama of what happened teaches. What you deny subdues you. What you accept transforms you - C.G Jung

When adversity knocks at your door, it generally turns your world upside down...

Yesterday, a collapsed businessman came to my office for a consultation. he looked like he had just come out of a boxing match with Mike Tyson. he was totally stunned. he could hardly even formulate coherent sentences. he was still able to mumble these few words: I'm ruined, my life is ruined, my reputation is ruined. no one will be able to trust me anymore. I'm ruined...

What happened to him may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but to him it was the end of the world. He put his reputation on the line to convince investors to buy shares in his new company and he succeeded, they did put money on the table. But unfortunately, a series of unforeseen events threw his project into the abyss and everyone lost their bet

Hi ! I'm Carl Gustav Jung, a world-renowned Swiss psychiatrist. I have spent my life exploring the workings of the human psyche. My research has led to development of a theory that I later called Analytical Psychology, a school of thought that helps us, among others, to deal with life's traumas and overcome the hurdles that prevent us from evolving 

The case of this businessman is far from being an exception. Who among us has never received this kind of knockout blow? Moreover, it often happens when we least expect it, talk to Chris rock, he will confirm you that we are never safe from an unexpected slap in the face.

So, why am I here today ? Well, I'm delighted to share with you an effective way to deal with adversity and how to use it as a means to become a stronger and wiser person. Don't worry, you won't have to lie on a couch and tell me about your childhood to make it work, or will you ?

Why is it so painful ?

First of all, we need to understand why we have such a hard time when it comes to dealing with adversity.

Let's go back to the example of our businessman. What I haven't told you yet is that he spent his life building businesses and he did it very successfully. He finally convinced himself that he understood the rules of the game, that he knew how to turn any project idea into a success. And this was his fatal mistake. he fell into the illusion of control bias.

Illusion of control

Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position. But certainty is an absurd one - Voltaire

We tend to believe we have greater control over events and situations than we actually do. Why is this so? because we like certainty, so we tend to create general laws for specific situations. Being a successful businessman certainly requires skills that our friend had in abundance. But to attribute success to his skills alone is to deny all the vagaries of life over which we have no control.

I know what you're thinking. If skills alone don't explain success, that means luck does exist, right? I totally agree as long as we agree on the definition of luck. If by luck, you mean everything that we can't explain and that contributes in some way to the success or failure of a project, then yes, there is a large part of luck in all our achievements 

Ok now, let's be pragmatic, if you ever find yourself faced with failure, here are four truths you should keep in mind to overcome adversity and grow stronger

This too shall pass...

You must first accept unconditionally the law of impermanence. Nothing lasts, neither the good nor the bad. if you are lucky enough to flip a coin and fall on the heads side ten times, it doesn't mean that the eleventh time you'll have the same result. In fact it's worse. the more times you get heads, the more likely you are to get tails on the next toss. So be grateful for your successes and remember that they shall pass. Be patient when things go wrong because this too shall pass...

You are not alone

The tragedy of the world we live in is that we tend to over mediatize the successes and talk very little about the failures; Yet there are a lot more failure stories than success stories. So don't isolate yourself, talk to people. Sharing your misfortunes with others can be a great help. But be careful, don't share with people who will bombard you with advice such as shake it off, or be strong. Go to people who are able to listen to you and show empathy for the difficulties you are going through, without judgement

Success doesn't define you, nor does failure

Let's talk about social pressure. Remember what our businessman told me: no one will trust me anymore. That's why he thought his life was ruined. This poor man put so much importance on his image that he ended up becoming a slave to it. He made himself carry a huge weight that eventually broke him. So use your failures to get rid of that burden. 

If you are surrounded by people who judge you poorly when life plays tricks on you, it may be time to change who you hang out with. 

The most important thing is what you think of yourself, not what people think of you. They will all be there to congratulate you on your achievements, but you will find very few who will truly support you when you are down

Hardship is a blessing, be grateful and ask for more

Diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure - Henry Kissinger

They say that rough seas make the best sailors. Everyone can sail in good weather, but very few people are able to endure the worst and make the best of it. So rejoice when life punches you in the face, you are better forged by your failures than by your successes. Hardship makes you more resilient. You become wiser and mentally tough after each blow, so keep it up ! All you have to remember are these four truths.

Farewell note

Thank you for your reading ! It's time for me to get back to my tower and continue exploring the fascinating human psyche. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter, the best is yet to come. Enjoy your life and remember that you are a diamond, whether you see it or not