Become a Master Problem-Solver by Asking Yourself These Five Questions

This may surprise you, but human beings aren’t always logical or rational.

Shocker, I know.

You’ve probably never experienced a situation where somebody jumped to an unfair conclusion or said something they would later regret. And, like me, you’ve probably never been that “somebody” yourself.

Clearly, the previous paragraph is laced with sarcasm. Since our brains are hardwired to prioritize survival, it’s far too easy to act reactively or impulsively in situations that are ripe with tension. Slowing down to consider multiple perspectives or consider the ideal outcome for everyone involved - especially when things are heated - is far from our default setting.

However, this doesn’t mean that we can’t grow and develop our natural conflict-resolution skills. By reframing our perspective on conflict and building the traits and qualities necessary to reap the greatest rewards from conflict, we can become master problem-solvers who enhance productivity and morale for each team we work alongside.

As a coach, I love powerful questions that lead to new awareness, so let’s consider five questions we can ask ourselves as conflict arises to sharpen our thinking and effectively manage problems as they arise.

What do I NOT know about this situation?

The more I study leadership, the more curiosity comes up as an essential trait for leaders to embody. Perhaps we’re more likely to avoid curiosity in today’s world because of how quickly things seem to move all the time. Curiosity seems like a barrier to action, and because of our intense desire to get things done, we’re quick to write off curiosity off as an unnecessary detour.

However, our disinterest in curiosity can easily stunt our effectiveness because it prevents us from seeing the full picture. When we embrace curiosity, we’re more likely to ask open-ended, provocative questions that help us learn more about the problem and the solution.

Curiosity reinforces the belief that we don’t know everything, but we can always pursue greater knowledge and understanding. Leaders who develop their curiosity will grow in their capacity for empathy while discovering solutions that are more useful and impactful.

What opportunity exists here?

I’ve long believed that adversity always reveals opportunity (I say this as somebody who’s never experienced a life-threatening diagnosis or the loss of an immediate family member, and I know that not all forms of adversity are created equal).

When we acknowledge that adversity reveals opportunity, we come to a greater appreciation of the value that conflict can provide when managed effectively. In the same way that lifting weights in the gym breaks down muscles so they can grow back stronger, healthy conflict provides opportunities for teams to address blind spots, shore up lingering issues, and promote a greater sense of cohesiveness and camaraderie that can benefit the entire group long after the specific issue is addressed.

If we can come to appreciate the opportunity that conflict provides for positive growth and development, we can approach conflict with a more optimistic attitude, grateful for the benefits it can offer even if the process of addressing the conflict isn’t necessarily enjoyable or fun.

What values do I want to reflect in my actions?

Honestly, this is my favorite question to ask clients when they are struggling with making a decision. We tend to think about choices in terms of actions and results, because of how visible and tangible they are. However, all our actions are rooted in beliefs, and beliefs are a reflection of our values, character, and identity.

If we can shift our perspective in times of trouble to think about our core values and priorities - and how we want these elements reflected in our decisions and actions - we’ll have a greater sense of confidence and peace about how we carry ourselves.

How would somebody I admire address this situation?

When we’re struggling to discern the right thing to do, it can be helpful to envision an example of the type of person who would handle the situation well. It also makes the specific actions more real and tangible. We’re not thinking of a perfect, idealized approach; rather, we’re considering how a real person would deal with the situation at hand.

To take things a step further, you could ask the person directly how they would handle the conflict. Not only will you likely receive excellent advice, but you’ll feel a higher level of support and empathy from a source outside of yourself.

How do I want to remember this situation?

Problems always feel more intense in the moment. Think about a difficult situation you faced several months (or years) ago and you’ll quickly realize that it probably doesn’t have the same emotional effect on you today as it once did. We can easily feel trapped by the “here-and-now,” but we can escape this type of thinking by imagining our future self looking back on our present situation, and considering what sort of memories we want to have about how we handle the issue at hand.

This will help you take a more long-term, big-picture approach to the conflict you’re attempting to resolve rather than simply acting in a way that promotes self-preservation or quickly eliminating a problem even if the approach isn’t ultimately effective.

If you want to learn more about effective conflict management, I’ll be teaching a 90-minute course on October 2nd at 2pm CT. Your course registration includes a 30-minute one-on-one debrief with me in addition to a ticket to the live session (you can also tune into the recording if you’re not able to catch the live session). Sign up at this link before the class fills up!