Become a “girl’s girl” — at any age!

Welcome to Swag-HER!: Your Career, Your Way, a newsletter for professional women and their allies! We’ll explore how to break through the barriers to your success, making space for the career - and life -? you want.

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As children, some of the first stories we learn are fairy tales. Many little girls grow up dreaming of becoming Cinderella, Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty, and the lessons from these tales stick with us into adulthood, whether we like it or not. Many of these stories have one thing in common: an older woman, jealous of the heroine’s youth and beauty, seeks to destroy her. It’s a tale as old as time, and that stereotype still infiltrates our modern society. Fairy tales have evolved (Frozen, Moana, Mulan…), and so have we! Women are pitted against one another all the time, forced to compete to be “the only,” to battle for a single promotion or position. But when conflict develops between women of different generations, it adds another layer to an already fraught situation.?

Much has been written about the battle between younger and older generations in the workplace, and a peek around social media will give you anecdotal evidence that there is tension and even bullying between women of different generations. Some senior-level women distance themselves from junior women, but studies have shown that this is a response to inequality at the top, not the cause.?

I’m lucky enough to work with women of all ages — from Gen Z to Baby Boomers —?and most professional women have one thing in common: a desire to get ahead and further their careers. We know that, as a group, women can be a powerful force for change. So why aren’t we working better together? The root may be in our divergent experiences.

Do you see where I’m coming from??

In my lifetime, the world has changed dramatically, especially when it comes to women’s options. We’ve only been able to get a credit card on our own for 50 years, and while women were granted the right to vote in 1920, many women were blocked from doing so until well into the 1970s. Women over 55, who make up more than 10 percent of the workforce, began their careers in the 1960s and 70s, when several laws and Supreme Court decisions allowed more women to join the workforce. It was common to see only one woman in a position of power, a “token” that left no room for another and bred a culture of competition. Many professional Gen X and Baby Boomer women were among the first to break through in their fields, grasping the opportunities they could get and taking them with gratitude.?

Gen Z and Millennial women came of age very differently. Benefitting from the work of previous generations, younger women are highly educated, ambitious, and much less willing to tolerate inequities in the workplace than their older colleagues. They want to work differently, to have greater flexibility and work-life balance. There is an expectation that their ambition and good work will be rewarded with opportunities for advancement. And those differences can cause generational friction.?

Some older women perceive Millennials and Gen Z women as “entitled” or even “lazy,” without seeing the positive change they can bring to an organization. On the flip side, some younger women dismiss the expertise and experience that their Gen X and Boomer colleagues bring to the table. I’m painting with a wide brush here, but have heard enough from women of all ages to know that this is a real problem. We have the same goal, but we struggle to understand each other, and the old “one seat at the table” mentality has to go.?

In short, we need to become “girl’s girls.”?

Becoming a “girl’s girl”?

I balked when I first heard the term “girl’s girl.” When I was younger, being called a “girl” at work was done to belittle you, to undermine your credibility. But today, many women embrace the word, and being called a “girl’s girl” — someone who rejects pettiness and strives to be ethical and decent in her dealings with other women —?is a major compliment. In a world where women have been pitted against one another for millennia, supporting other women (instead of being in competition with, dismissing, or underestimating them) is a radical act.?

Here are a few girl’s girl behaviors to cultivate:?

• Cultivate connection: Meaningful relationships with other women are what being a girl’s girl is all about. This does more than make your professional life more pleasant; research shows that the most successful women have a tight knit group of women with whom they share experiences and knowledge.
• Share your knowledge freely: This is where intergenerational relationships can be especially beneficial, because you will both have so much to offer one another. Mentoring and reverse-mentoring can give both parties a leg up, increase understanding, and help build stronger bonds.
• Extend an invitation: Girl’s girls are intentional about creating diverse and inclusive networks, confident in the knowledge that broadening one’s horizons is almost always a good thing. They seek out others with different perspectives and ideas, invite them to be a part of their group, and value their opinion when it’s given.?
• Ditch the “queen bee” mentality: Historically, there may have been only one space at the table for a woman, but that’s no longer true. They know that when women advance, they bring more women with them, so when they see “queen bee” behavior in others, they don’t give it the time of day. And when they see it in themselves, they dig deep to find out why.
• Be an amplifier: Years ago, I remember reading about the women in Obama’s White House, and their plans to “amplify” each other. In meetings, they credited one another’s opinions when they were usurped by the men in the room. They reinforced each other’s expertise to handle new initiatives. They brought discussions back to great ideas by other women that were overlooked. And it worked; by Obama’s second term, women had achieved gender parity in his inner circle.?

With so much progress still to be made, we can’t afford to be in competition with one another. Women and their allies are much more powerful as a collective than we are as individuals, and it’s critical for us to unite, not divide. By setting an example and bringing our colleagues along, we can work together to foster positive change, secure in the knowledge that when one woman wins, we all win.?

My very first podcast for The Mirrored Door was The Visibility Factor with Susan M Barber, MBA, PCC . Her passion for helping people to become more visible is evident in her book, podcast, and the kindness she showed as I took the plunge to share my book.? You can hear our conversation here and learn more about Sue here.?

The Mirrored Door: Break Through the Hidden Barrier that Locks Successful Women in Place is now available! Winner of the 2023 NYC Big Book award, it's the perfect gift for the professional woman in your life. Click here to get your copy!?

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