Become A Better Negotiator - Interview With A Pro

This interview with Professional Negotiator Lousin Mehrabi was published in Middle East Business Magazine & News

From your experience, how important is it for business people to know negotiation skills?

Whether we realize it or not, we all negotiate every single day. It's not only when you negotiate a price or your salary but also when you have internal negotiations with your colleagues, teams, or managers. So, it's not whether you negotiate, but how well you negotiate. For anyone wanting to be successful in business or life, they must know how to negotiate, how to influence, and how to communicate effectively. These are the skills that allow us to reach meaningful and successful agreements.

What is the skill most needed when negotiating a contract or any other commercial activity?

Knowing yourself well enough and remaining calm under stress or pressure, is a must for any good negotiator. Having preparation skills, listening skills, emotional intelligence and so much more. It is important to remember that there is a difference between sales and negotiation; you should only negotiate if there is a disagreement.

Why are some people better negotiators than others?

Firstly, negotiation skills can be learned and developed. Some people may have undergone rigorous negotiation training. On the other hand, certain people are naturally better at conflict resolution. They have a problem-solving mindset, and the ability to see solutions instead of problems. They may also be emotionally intelligent and empathetic which are traits of great negotiators; they genuinely care about people and they have a desire to understand what matters to the other party.

How important is truth while negotiating, how can we keep our values of saying the truth and at the same time not revealing all information?

Unfortunately, being truthful is not something that everyone values. Each person will bring their own set of values to a negotiation. For me, integrity is a key value. Whatever I say or do, must be respectful. It is possible to stay true to your values, without revealing things that you think might not serve you in the negotiation. The key is to know your values, respect your values and know why you are negotiating. Most people are so focused on what they want, and not necessarily what they need, that they let their ego or emotions take over and act in a way that is not aligned with their values.

How can we know the real intentions of the person in front of us while negotiating?

Understanding the needs of the other party will help you come to solutions together. The dialogue opens a door to many creative outcomes that were not possible before. So always try to understand their true needs. It starts with creating a safe environment for someone so that they are willing to speak openly with you. To do this, you must build rapport, truly listen, and aim to understand the other person's motives and desires. It is the intersection of your hard skills, life skills, and experiences that will help you do this.

How can we know that the person in front of us is lying?

There are many books written about lie detection and body language. Most of it is nonsense, not backed by science. I closely observe who I'm talking to and trust my intuition. If something is not congruent or doesn't feel genuine, I respectfully confront them and dig further to understand what is going on. Even when you know someone is lying, you should never accuse them directly. Instead, ask questions, let them talk and make sure that they don't lose face. Then go back to your values and decide what to do next.

What advice would you give to leaders?

Care about your teams. Not only about their targets and numbers but care about them as human beings. About their families. About what matters to them, their aspirations and goals. What motivates them and why. Connect with your team on a deeper, human level. When your team members feel safe and valued, they will work harder, come up with creative solutions for problems, comply more easily with company rules, motivate themselves and others, and give their best.

It all starts with the leaders. Do you want trust? Start by giving trust. Do you want honesty? Be honest. I believe we can talk about everything - bad news or a bad evaluation, for example - as long as there is a safe environment where people can speak up without being punished. That’s how you increase the level of conversation, the quality of work, and employee satisfaction. There is so much stress in the world and so much mental health suffering; as a leader, you are the captain of the boat, and it is your responsibility to make your teams feel safe so you can achieve more. Great leaders don’t simply create followers. Great leaders create great leaders.

We say in Arabic, reading between the lines, does that apply in negotiations?

Yes of course, all the time. Words have little value; it’s what is behind the words that truly matters. You must be an excellent listener so that you can hear what is being said, but also determine how it is being said, what is not being said, what is actually meant by what’s being said, and what is being said between the lines. Ask yourself: “Why is that being said and why in that way?”

Business negotiations and diplomacy, do they have much in common?

Absolutely. In both situations, we are trying to resolve conflict. We have the same goal; to find a solution for a disagreement that is fair to everyone on the negotiation table. That doesn’t necessarily mean we have to make concessions. But it means being willing to listen, to understand what matters to the other party, and being assertive enough to express our needs. Above all, focus not on the conflict but on the shared goal. What is the thing we would all benefit from if we were to come to an agreement? Express it, agree on it. This is what makes the conversation more collaborative, and less hostile. That doesn’t mean we will agree on all the steps to get there but we can agree to walk the journey of negotiation together to reach an agreement.

I truly believe that by learning how to negotiate effectively, we don’t only become better negotiators, we become better human beings. We learn to care, to have empathy, to truly listen, to observe, to communicate, to be connected to our needs, to relate to people, and to reach more beneficial solutions. We can make the world a better place through the art and science of negotiation.