The Beauty of Mess

It's been a rough week. Crazy ones. I made mistakes. Even worse: rookie-type errors that only an intern would do. I just wish it didn't happen.

But it happened. And it sucks.

So I consoled my foolishness watching WestWorld Season 1 (I know. Don't judge me.) and Sir Anthony Hopkins's character (the indelible Mr. Ford), at one time says, "Evolution forged the entirety of sentient life on this planet using only one tool.. the mistake." In awe, I paused the movie and rewind it. "... the mistake," he said.

Then I looked back to my more/less 12 years of career and I think I have made an equivalent of mistakes as much as I have succeeded. But when you hit rock-bottom, the denial circle begins its evil process. "How the hell did I end up to that?" jammed your mind and believe me, it's an ugly blame-game. You cannot sleep for hours and it's mentally challenging. I know. I was there. Like, literally this week.

So, I felt like Mr. Ford telling that to me. I realised I have to fail. No: I need to fail. And doing so, I can feel how rewarding it is to be successful. And happy, too. But more than that: mistakes make you human. A sentient. You can say it happens for a reason, or it is destiny, or maybe there's a lesson behind it, whatever. The art is to find the beauty in the mess (e.g. conflict, doubt, aching, agony, despair, etc.) you just created. Embrace it. To hug it and whisper to its ears, "I made you. And I get it." Because only when you really dig it, you begin to feel again. The whole system restarts and you know how to make amend. Life continues. Yours too.

I'm not going to tell you how to find it. Because each mess is unique and so is the beauty. Only you who can find it. Sometimes it is hidden in plain sight, sometimes you need to ask questions, sometimes the mistakes corrected itself, or even, it stays what it is. Whether you hammer yourself or play soft, just being present at when and how it happens. In retrospective, you know what causing it and why it distresses you. Chances are the errors repeating itself, but you will be ready this time.

We all have made mistakes. And we will likely to create other mistake(s) as long as we live. It will cause pain; to us or against others. That's how sentient life is: pain demands to be felt. But from that pain caused (and felt), perhaps lies the beauty. When you find it, it will set you free. Promise.